How to Be Yourself?

This is a problem that I've never been able to overcome. I can never fully be myself around people because I suppose I'm afraid of what their reactions to me will be. As a result no one truly knows the full me. They see parts of me, and distorted versions of me that I am not inside and would never want to be.

My fear turns me into something that I am not, something that quite often I hate. Something false, but no one else knows that.

When I try to be myself I end up being too scared to do so. I go half-way, and end up seeming strange/awkward.

The only time I'm able to fully "be me" is when I'm completely alone. Maybe this is why I enjoy being alone so much, and why sometimes I shut people out.

I'm sorry for being such a downer, but if you don't mind I could really use some advice in this area! Do you guys have any tips on how to be yourself?

originally posted by: thesearchfortruth
This is a problem that I've never been able to overcome. I can never fully be myself around people because I suppose I'm afraid of what their reactions to me will be. As a result no one truly knows the full me. They see parts of me, and distorted versions of me that I am not inside and would never want to be.

My fear turns me into something that I am not, something that quite often I hate. Something false, but no one else knows that.

When I try to be myself I end up being too scared to do so. I go half-way, and end up seeming strange/awkward.

The only time I'm able to fully "be me" is when I'm completely alone. Maybe this is why I enjoy being alone so much, and why sometimes I shut people out.

I'm sorry for being such a downer, but if you don't mind I could really use some advice in this area! Do you guys have any tips on how to be yourself?

Yeah just be you

If you are happy being alone then thats good but its not healthy.

Find a sport, a group activity that you can relax doing, then the real you can come out. I would expect anybody with a sound mind would feel the same, maybe not so extreme.

a reply to: thesearchfortruth

Just be honest & be yourself. If people accept you, that's great. If they don't, that's fine as well. But you can never expect people to accept you if they don't know the real you. I'd almost guess that holding back your true self is what makes people a little uneasy in the first place, because it may give the perception that you're trying to be sneaky or are hiding something.

Remember, we're all human. There are "crazy" people everywhere (including me ) and the world accepts us just fine. And believe it or not, but sometimes our quirks are what make people accept us in the first place lol.

I can't even communicate with people; I try to speak to them, but they don't hear me. Sometimes I am in-tune with other people, but this is not most of the time. I feel like who I am is someone that doesn't deserve to have friends because I'm so different and cursed.

It is difficult.
Don't be untrue to yourself, if you can like who you are as a person so can someone else. Hold on to that.

Well, whether we acknowledge it or not, we're all somewhat effected by the presence of others.

Another way of looking at it is that there is a part of you that you do not express with others, and other parts that you do. We are creatures with many facets. Whatever part we keep inside tends to take on the feeling of being our "real" self- precisely because it is inside .

But I shared your feeling for a long time, and still do, to some extent. It might be fruitful for you to examine what exactly are the qualities that you are not showing to the world. What is the nature of this "real self"?

a reply to: thesearchfortruth

Learn how to not care what others think...

Who are they to you? just another face

in other words, no one...

a reply to: thesearchfortruth

All that 'just be yourself and people will accept you' talk, is delusional nonsense! Take it from a person who's never really cared what people think and just say what I want, when I want.

If you don't mind being an outcast and having people always talking & bitching behind your back, then just always be yourself. But, if want to be accepted, then just be a sheep and follow the crowd your whole life.

That's the simple truth.

a reply to: thesearchfortruth

Be that quiet deep mysterious person . It kind of sounds like you might be anyway . Smile a lot or at least try not to look worried . Sometimes conversations are overrated , but when you let your eyes do the talking everyone will get you . Plus their is always the door , and another day .

a reply to: thesearchfortruth

You know how I do it? I just don't care what people think. You get judged in small groups. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Even when you lose, you're still somebody.

Trying 'to matter' ... now that's something different altogether. Being irrelevant is something you either accept or you work on.

a reply to: thesearchfortruth

Just relax and let it all hang out, so to speak. That's what I do. People call me a weirdo and I guess they're partly right. Most of the time it's because they don't realize I'm messing with their heads. That's okay though. There's nothing wrong with weirdos. We're interesting to be around lol. But, yeah, that's just my advice.

originally posted by: thesearchfortruth
This is a problem that I've never been able to overcome. I can never fully be myself around people because I suppose I'm afraid of what their reactions to me will be. As a result no one truly knows the full me. They see parts of me, and distorted versions of me that I am not inside and would never want to be.

When you develop trust in your own and others basic warmth, goodness and intelligence you don't fear the outcomes of your interactions as so act in an authentic manner.

It's not about "Not caring what other people think", it's acutally about placing your focus and attention on others rather then on yourself - and hence being about to hear them. It's about being present in all circumstances with all people.

Learning to be present (the corner of here and now, so to speak) can take a lifetime of practise or not. Just repeated ly coming back to where your feet are now (as opposed to where they were yesterday or could be tommorrow) will begin to create the open and relaxed state of presence.

As Tilopa (10th century Buddhist Lama) advises:

Don't recall - Let go of what has passed.
Don't imagine - Let go of what may come.
Don't think - Let go of what is happening now.
Don't examine - Don't try to figure anything out.
Don't control - Don't try to make anything happen.
Rest - Relax, right now, and rest.

Or from the Christian Bible attributed to Jesus (Matthew 6:34):

"Take no thought for the morrow; for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Or from the AA pamplet "Avoid Playing God":

"1)Offer no advice unless it is asked.
2)Listen to other people's dreams and help them in the way they wish to be helped.
3)Encourage them to find their own strength.
4)Reserve judgment - AT ALL TIMES.
5)Admit that you don't know all the answers.
6)Build confidence in the other person until their own judgment becomes clear.
7)Have faith in the overall rightness of God's purpose in this world and the next.
8)Dwell on what is right instead of what is wrong.
9)Realize the core of Divine Being in each person. Respect it.
10)Never discount the other person's good intentions. "

Echart Tolle's "The Power of Now" is good on the subject - for a secular take.

a reply to: thesearchfortruth

Welcome to the world.

First of all you have to decide if you like the real you, if not decide what parts of you have to change?

I come from an incredible negative family. I never realized that until one day I spent the day with my siblings and then it hit me why it was such a crap day. One day I read that people who are focused on achieving their life plan are advised to avoid negative people like the plague. After reading this I decided to become much more positive because to be negative or positive was a matter of choice.

Secondly, if there are parts of the real you that you like you have ask why that is, what is the reason for that. this is a very hard thing to do but it will yield information about yourself that you might have never actually realized. There is a saying, "we all have our cross to bear." This means that we may have chosen to be born with a particular tendency, habit,or disposition that we must overcome in this life in order to grow and develop. Check to see if the parts of the real you, you don't like fall into this category in which case you must identify it, look it straight in the face, acknowledge it and resolve to defeat or over come it.

The Tibetans had a saying "be quiet and know that I am within" that's why they meditated. Through quiet introspection you will see exactly what it is you don't like about your self . When that happens you have completed step 1. Step 2 is to resolve to overcome it. Recognize; that you will need help from others to do this.

The Tibetans also had a saying "when the student is ready the master will appear." For you, this means that the people who will help you to overcome those parts of you, you don't like are already around you but you have not seen them yet but when you decide to change the parts about you, you don't like, they will be there to help you when you ask.

hope this helps

I have met too many amazing people who are afraid to be themselves lest they get judged in a bad light. I already know, simply by your being a member here, that you are not your average everyday kind of person and to me that is a plus. Be yourself and let your light shine. Unless you are a murderer or someone who does horrible things, what can be so bad about you?

a reply to: thesearchfortruth

I know exactly how you feel but I found that being pleasant and polite was generally the way to deal with people.

I don't need to be close to others and can spend time alone quite happily, although it took a bit of practice.

Big difference between being alone and being lonely. If you're comfortable with yourself, you're ok. If other people can't accept you because of their own narrow minds and prejudices you don't need them in your life.

Care for those who do care for you and be true to yourself - that should work

originally posted by: thesearchfortruth
This is a problem that I've never been able to overcome. I can never fully be myself around people because I suppose I'm afraid of what their reactions to me will be. As a result no one truly knows the full me. They see parts of me, and distorted versions of me that I am not inside and would never want to be.

My fear turns me into something that I am not, something that quite often I hate. Something false, but no one else knows that.

When I try to be myself I end up being too scared to do so. I go half-way, and end up seeming strange/awkward.

The only time I'm able to fully "be me" is when I'm completely alone. Maybe this is why I enjoy being alone so much, and why sometimes I shut people out.

I'm sorry for being such a downer, but if you don't mind I could really use some advice in this area! Do you guys have any tips on how to be yourself?

Everyone wears a mask at times. You have to look at the situation. I am myself most of the time. That isn't always a good thing but at least it's honest. I can't win the hearts and minds of everyone I meet and I accept that. You find friends and partners who let you be yourself. Everyone wins. People in your life who appreciate you for you will make you happier. You have to do the same thing with them for it to work.

Give people a chance to show the good inside of them. You miss out on some beautiful times being guarded. Be yourself.

Don't be you. That's the best bit of advice I can give you.

You need many facades so that you fit in anywhere in any situation.

It's all about using different masks depending on the scenario.

To do this basically pretend that you are someone else. If you want to be confident then be someone you admire that comes across confident to you.

adapt to the situation basically. Only be yourself when you're alone or with people that have gained your trust.

Life is just a big movie, and you are an actor. Mould yourself to the role that you want to play.

originally posted by: DAZ21
Don't be you. That's the best bit of advice I can give you.

You need many facades so that you fit in anywhere in any situation.

It's all about using different masks depending on the scenario.

To do this basically pretend that you are someone else. If you want to be confident then be someone you admire that comes across confident to you.

adapt to the situation basically. Only be yourself when you're alone or with people that have gained your trust.

Life is just a big movie, and you are an actor. Mould yourself to the role that you want to play.

Isn't that a sociopath trait? Maybe even psychopathic. I have an uncanny knack of seeing the plastic people I run into.

a reply to: LOSTinAMERICA

Is it? Crap then I better be careful not to get found out...

I will tell you one thing that's going to be a challenge if you've never been able to go against the grain.

As long as you're not hurting anyone why should it matter to others if you're being yourself? Unfortunately society usually doesn't see things that way. Some sadly consider that if an obese person or someone who just looks out of bounds in their locality for example, ripe for being stared at and often mocked just because "they are out in public or in someone's view". Assuming that is why many are afraid to go out of bounds. Those things may not change any time soon or if even, we have to start with ourselves.

Golden rule- treat others who you want to be treated.

One must see within themselves, understand if they too are, maybe due to what is put upon them, are going to far with judging people.

Confidence: Not sure if you've male or female, but there's the confidence factor that can help you. One quite goes like this- "A woman can walk in a room while not being the most beautiful but can still have attention of the room because she is confident".

To say you want to strive to be yourself but it's not going to work well if you are not confident in yourself.

Make a list(how boring right but it can work): Make a list comparing and contrasting the what you feel you are vs what you project to people. Then list your goals from that. For example being you would not be wearing what you normally do but would rather dress in your own style, well, go for it.

Test out social media: Wouldn't fully suggest trying this out on the net because as many know even if people use their real names on social media they are less afraid to speak their minds than let's say in person, that might shoot down any further efforts. Though you may want to try out a few things, if you use one of those sites. Such as share a media story on conspiracy, etc(what ever your interests are here that are not mainstream ideals). See how people react. Maybe they will be less judgmental, possibly really interested, on your studies than you've thought.

Though, I do know it's hard these days for people because employers have been known to observe social media profiles.

People observing or people watching: Observe them in your normal state in daily life, going out, hang out in the mall, talking to people you know etc. Then the next day dress differently than you normally do, do they notice? From what I've observed and I believe some studies have shown people are actually less aware than you think of the outside world, because they too are worried about being judged. Knowing that it can ease quite a few fears that people are ready to judge you.

Professional vs casual: Due to societal bounds there are times where you have to strive for conformity, such as In a professional setting, of course, there are the guidelines you must follow.




Just a few thoughts, hope that helps and thanks for reading.