NLBS #46 The Madness Of Helicopter Parents Versus Free Range Parents

Today on Next Level BS, we take a look at how helicopter parents are not just being insanely smothering of their own kids, they expect society to be overly protective of all kids, everywhere. A recent situation in Maryland, highlights the insanity, where the local police literally abducted a couple's kids, for hours and without notification, because they were simply walking home from the park, alone. "Stranger Danger" now applies to police officers, because we show why it's more dangerous for kids to be in the custody of Child Protective Services, than walking alone on a residential street.





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a reply to: theNLBS

Man I would have never made it as a kid in maryland.
Walked to school and back in fourth and fifth grade every day unless a friend wanted to give me a bus ticket.

I had to stop. You made your point (for me at least) in the first 5 minutes.

The People's Republic of Maryland is one effed-up state. One of my friends got caught in traffic and was like five or ten minutes late picking his daughter up from school. $500 fine!! and threatened with incarceration for any subsequent tardiness.

Sorry. That's too much for me. Not even driving through that place. Avoiding Joisey too. LOL

a reply to: theNLBS

Here is a message for all statutory authorities regarding my children.

BACK THE F#%K OFF.

The problem with society these days is not allowing our kids to learn, the hard way, that life is full of pluses and minuses. Now, I discipline my kids old school - respect your elders or cop a boot up the ass - and guess what - my children are the envy of other parents because of my philosophy of FEAR and REPETITION - the carrot and the stick.

My family is not a democracy - it is a fascist regime - and i'm the bastard in charge.

I remember grabbing my BMX at 8.00am in the morning and not returning until after dark. My parents were not neglectful.

Free range forever...............or prison planet

a reply to: theNLBS


I'll admit because my daughter is special needs, I was forced to helicopter parent more than I wanted to. I wanted to free range more. But to this day she still has problems with stranger danger, so I have to be that aware for her.

Here's one father's unique way to "helicopter parent".



The NEW way to helicopter parent!

I would have hated to have been a child today.By the time I was 11 - 12 I was hunting , camping out all weekend , fishing, and well on my way to becoming self-reliant.I didnt want my parents watching over me 24x7.I guess my dad being 101st airborne and a veteran of the Korean war helped. No wonder so many kids fall to predators today. They have no concept of what to do in these cases. I apologize , just ramblings from an old man.

I grew up in the 80s/90s. I never really had to deal with over-bearing parents myself.

We live in a different world now, You always hear about kids getting abducted, raped and murdered so you can't blame the parents for being careful but this "Helicopter Parenting" and "Zero Tolerance" at school is just raising a generation of Passive Aggressive Adults.

Problem is, We don't live in a Passive Aggressive world.

Parents need to understand that there IS such a thing as being Over protective.

Most kids in Maryland run from Mo Co Po.

My family and I are constantly discussing how immature our children seem to be compared to how we were. There were distinct differences I recall exactly like you reminisced. You were totally right on.

I'm on the fence.
Ok in this case it's extreme and cruel what they did to this family. However leaving your children unattended is irresponsible in some circumstances. It's a Judgement call. Sometimes it's ok and sometimes it's just not. Depends on more than just one factor.

I don't know these kids to know how trustworthy they are on what they might do when left unsupervised. Never mind "stranger danger"what about road safety, crossing roads? Or wandering into a yard with a swimming pool and drowning? You don't adress that. Can you add in statistics on how many children get hit by cars? I think it's only fair to consider that in your argument on unsupervised children. A responsible parent thinks about ALL these thingsS that 'could' happen, and should. Why should they? Because a child can not make this determination on their own and rely on us for protection and it's our most important duty as a parent,

Now I'm not saying it's wrong to leave your kids out alone. I'm not, it depends on many things.

Back to the stranger danger
I'm not a fan of how you say "only 115 kids were kidnapped" "Only" is not a word I would use to describe the anguish of the parents who's child was taken, or to the kids who were taken. That is a parents worst nightmare. I think you were a bit harsh in that part. Calm down!

There was a case last year I think about a helicopter mother in New York or around there, who's child begged to walk home from school alone. She kept saying no, then one day gave in. He was kidnapped and brutally murdered, dismembered I believe. How sad is that?

I don't think it's any of our business either, to blast parents who care too much. You can't just say what these cops did was wrong about parents who are the opposite or this free range thing. I say do what you choose with your child . Nobody else's business and yes I'm saying these cops were assholes but let's get this in perspective here please

a reply to: violet

Your post is steeped in emotion. That's OK. But really think about your argument for a moment.
I will provide some anecdotal evidence from my own life.

I have memories from before I was three.
I started 1st grade at age 4. There was a kid in my class we referred to as the F-U kid as he was fond of using the explicative. We all knew the 7 words you cannot use on radio in first grade, although not by that definition. Most of us understood how sex worked (basic procreating not variants, and we all were fuzzy on details).

My sisters were 4 grades ahead of me, so by 3rd grade (age 6) I would walk the 4/10s of a mile home alone. AKA 2 blocks. Usually with a book in my hand, but always watching who was around and traffic, between pages.
At 6 I understood why you should look both ways to cross the street. I was also comfortable in the water although we did not have a pool. And could pull myself out of a pool.

My son who is not yet 9 months old is starting on the stranger danger response. Funny enough it is not a learned trait but a survival trait from who knows how far back.



While I sympathize for the parents of the 115 kidnapped. Lets actually think about it rationally.

Let's assume all these kidnappings happened in the average US city of 6500
www.chacha.com...

The ratio of adults to children in America is 1:5
www.chacha.com...

So in an average city the 115 number is less than 1% of children.

Stretched nationally if we use the same 1:5 ratio, that % was so miniscule it would not show up as a real number on my scientific calculator.

Responding to your second post now.
It is our business to blast parents not who care to much, but who shelter to much.

Another anecdote: I currently work at a University now, one that I worked at before, but had left for other job opportunities. I left college in 2003. I worked at the aforementioned university in 2007.
There is a vast difference between the class I worked with in 2007 vs the class of 2014. In hindsight there were some 2007 class that were showing bits of what the 2014 class showed.
No individual that I deal with, from the freshmen, to the graduating seniors, or mfa's or Phd's want to think for themselves. They want someone else to think for them.
There is your perspective.

And that is the result of helicopter parenting.

I'm not a parent, but whenever the discussion comes around to parenting topics I'm told that my opinion is invalid, "just wait till you have kids" type responses. BS!. How you "parent" effects how your child ultimately interacts with society--If the discourse on "parenting" is limited only to those who are parents then of course you end up with the helicopter mom phenomenon, and the problems it brings to our society as a whole.

I laugh in the face of these coming generations, i left home at 15 in the 90's, got a job, my own place and set about surviving in the city on my own.
One thing i always said to myself self was i never wanted to sound like my old man when he went off on rants about how i had it so good, i would think to myself "dude you are eating cold packet dry noodles in the dark, but hey its my flat"
I look around now at my kids with thier Ipads and Iphones etc. and think hell, maybe in my old mans eyes maybe this is how my childhood must have looked to him before i walked out compared to his if you weighed it out.

As far as surveillance and monitoring, the hand wringing something must be done types are the ones that clamor the loudest for change. Everytime there is another horrific child crime they bleat incessantly until they get something done.

In this regard only they have the nervous energy to climb to the top and demand more control and more punishment.

They are their own worst enemy and will control freak everyone to death if we allow it…

I remember my mom telling me.

Be home before dark when I was younger than 12.

the unfortunate reality is that we live in a world were there are some sick bastards out there.

I still wonder how things went so far.
Not only do you have crazy, smothering parents, but neighbors and nosy busybodies have went too far.

Growing up, we were outside and gone, from dawn to dusk. Home when the bell rang. But if we did something wrong, or there was a strange car in the neighborhood, the neighbor that didn't even have kids was on the phone to your mom.
Your MOM. Not the police to claim you were neglected, or social services.

There was a sense of community. We don't have that much anymore. And it is very sad. I'm lucky to live on a road that it is still very present.

Half the amount of kids play out now than when I was a kid in the UK. Isn't it funny that as crime drops the fear of crime rises. It's weird. People think there's a pedo on every street corner just waiting to take their kid

Stranger Danger has always been with us. There are some very old stranger danger films on You Tube:







In previous generations, a person may never have had the thought of having sex with a child (not everyone, just some). He may never have encountered that idea but today it is all over the internet. It puts the idea in his/her mind. And then a thought becomes an act. So I do believe the internet has increased sex crimes against children. While you may feel that the statistics of being abducted by a stranger indicate the chances are slim- I think that even 1 child being abducted is too many.

However, I have gotten the impression that today kids are overprotected by their parents, esp. as it concerns bullying. It astonishes me that so many kids are committing suicide because someone said something mean to them. We are creating a generation that has very unrealistic expectations about life. It appears to be making children weaker instead of stronger.

Sal

a reply to: theNLBS

a reply to: woodwardjnr

People think there's a pedo on every street corner just waiting to take their kid

I once looked into the map of registered sex offenders provided by www.familywatchdog.us and was surprised by the number of registered offenders in my neighbourhood and beyond, it was shockingly much more than I had remotely expected.

My now-deceased Mum who never had a problem with us walking to school by ourselves when we were six once said that those were different times, and she would not have done so in today's climate. Of course, she did not know that I had been approached by strangers even then, but I would always find an excuse to leave with my friends' parents to shake them off. If I had told her then, she probably would have felt a lot differently.

Personally, I don't subscribe to over-protectionism but all it takes is one sadist to break-up a happy family and ruin one's life. I recalled that it was only a year or two ago when a girl was kidnapped right around her house and she was later found dead, and most people who commented on the news articles wondered why she was allowed to wander-off by herself. I tried to Google for it but instead came across this - Neighbors were unable to stop Springfield girl's abduction.

I think there is a limit to how "free-range" a parent could/should become, as well as the circumstance when "free-ranging" (are they completely alone, do they have other adults they could turn to if they have to, etc.) While a child could be taught to be mindful of strangers, they are in no way capable of fighting off adults who are intent on kidnapping them. For all of us who grew up free-range and fine, all is indeed well but for the parents who have lost their children, I am pretty certain that there is not a moment that they have not second-guessed their decision that day for the rest of their lives. As for the children who were unfortunately at the wrong place at the wrong time, one shudders to think of what they had to go through, we can only take comfort in knowing that they are now in a better place.

a reply to: randomtangentsrme
Hi

I too walked alone to and from school. I walked home from work as a teen as well. I was assaulted once on one of these walks. I managed to get away before anything happened. I was also stalked many, many times. That is not where my emotion stems from. It's how the OP. made it one way versus the other. As if one is wrong. I'm saying do what you please with your children. Only you know your own kids and what's best.

I thought I was careful in my post to make that distinction? Perhaps I was not.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm not saying you shouldn't let kids have some freedom. Kids should be kids after all. I'm saying it depends on things, You have said you knew what to do and sound responsible, some kids just aren't mature enough or too trusting, so my argument was to look at both sides since the OP. was very one sided.

I