Going to prison next month

I've prolonged my vacation for almost 4 years now. I'm off to Stateville prison (Illinois) for a non violent crime. The same place was the site of the Blues Brothers movie so long ago and now it's a haunted house. The real horror is inside the new super max stateville down the road where I'm going. I've talked to many people and the consensus is a nightmarish R.L Stein world awaits. Sleep is impossible for the first few days because men must lay on each other (space issues), eating is lamentable because of rat infestations, and there is no segregation by crimes. Budget cuts statewide means I'll eat my breakfast & lunch together (brunch), then dinner and repeat. I won t be detailed about what the food is. Being a reception center (prison assignment center) means that I'll be in essentially solitary confinement for up to 3 months (couple hours out the 8x10 a week). Winter should serve to make the experience much worse. I'm also aware of rampant guard abuse and rape (regrettably).

I think I should become as cold hearted and aggressive as possible up until the point of bullying. I'm not trying to make friends or talk/visit with any loved ones just letter exchanges. I don't want this to become my life or manifest some of those desperate qualities of the jail within myself when I leave. I'm anxious and want to run but I wont. I'm sorry for the victim of my crime and wish I'd made better life choices.

originally posted by: gorsestar
I've prolonged my vacation for almost 4 years now. I'm off to Stateville prison (Illinois) for a non violent crime. The same place was the site of the Blues Brothers movie so long ago and now it's a haunted house. The real horror is inside the new super max stateville down the road where I'm going. I've talked to many people and the consensus is a nightmarish R.L Stein world awaits. Sleep is impossible for the first few days because men must lay on each other (space issues), eating is lamentable because of rat infestations, and there is no segregation by crimes. Budget cuts statewide means I'll eat my breakfast & lunch together (brunch), then dinner and repeat. I won t be detailed about what the food is. Being a reception center (prison assignment center) means that I'll be in essentially solitary confinement for up to 3 months (couple hours out the 8x10 a week). Winter should serve to make the experience much worse. I'm also aware of rampant guard abuse and rape (regrettably).

I think I should become as cold hearted and aggressive as possible up until the point of bullying. I'm not trying to make friends or talk/visit with any loved ones just letter exchanges. I don't want this to become my life or manifest some of those desperate qualities of the jail within myself when I leave. I'm anxious and want to run but I wont. I'm sorry for the victim of my crime and wish I'd made better life choices.

can you advise more on what you did to earn your stay?
also do you think the punishment suits the crime?

is this a private run facilty?

Steel yourself. And good luck.

a reply to: gorsestar

There are many forums that may be able to help you get ready for the trip, my brother made some poor choices and was almost in your case but ended up being able to do a diversion program so we had done lots of research.
Good luck

a reply to: gorsestar

I cant imagine or relate to what you are going through right now, or in the days ahead of you. The only advice that I can offer you is to believe that Jesus died for your sins. Confess your sins to God the Father regularly, and ask in prayer in Jesus' name. The Lord will provide for you what you need. Dont look at this as a bad time, but an oportunity to learn and grow closer to God. This may not be what you want to hear right now, but its advice that I wish I had taken much earlier in my life. I'll pray for your protection. Do not let fear take you.

practice telekinesis. Bring lots of interesting books with you. Some dungeons and dragons books, dice. And cigarettes. Lots of cigarettes. Well not lots. But enough so that you can barter with the locals to find toilet wine.

Also, Don't say you are a sex offender.

That will put you in a bad situation.

originally posted by: okamitengu

originally posted by: gorsestar
I've prolonged my vacation for almost 4 years now. I'm off to Stateville prison (Illinois) for a non violent crime. The same place was the site of the Blues Brothers movie so long ago and now it's a haunted house. The real horror is inside the new super max stateville down the road where I'm going. I've talked to many people and the consensus is a nightmarish R.L Stein world awaits. Sleep is impossible for the first few days because men must lay on each other (space issues), eating is lamentable because of rat infestations, and there is no segregation by crimes. Budget cuts statewide means I'll eat my breakfast & lunch together (brunch), then dinner and repeat. I won t be detailed about what the food is. Being a reception center (prison assignment center) means that I'll be in essentially solitary confinement for up to 3 months (couple hours out the 8x10 a week). Winter should serve to make the experience much worse. I'm also aware of rampant guard abuse and rape (regrettably).

I think I should become as cold hearted and aggressive as possible up until the point of bullying. I'm not trying to make friends or talk/visit with any loved ones just letter exchanges. I don't want this to become my life or manifest some of those desperate qualities of the jail within myself when I leave. I'm anxious and want to run but I wont. I'm sorry for the victim of my crime and wish I'd made better life choices.

can you advise more on what you did to earn your stay?
also do you think the punishment suits the crime?

is this a private run facilty?

If I were the victim of my crime I'd want that person to go to jail. I think that's the first t I've ever said that.
Luckily my crime is not one of those frowned upon by my new peers.

I'll say that my punishment is unique and would be treated differently in other jurisdictions of the same state. I could've had a weapon and aggravatedly assaulted my victim and got probation in CHICAGO

Wow.

It's good that you have remorse and I sincerely hope that it serves you in some karmic way.

I wish you peace and an easy path forward. Just try to do good, no matter the circumstance, and take the metaphorical high road when at all possible...

a reply to: AnuTyr

Damn...

If they let me take D&D books into prison it might not be so bad. Can you say evils campaign?

What was the crime? We won't judge.

a reply to: gorsestar

The supermax, thats more isolation from other prisoners in the main yard. If you are in an individual cell you're safer than most.

If they tell you to do something, do it. if they offer you a job, take it. It will keep you from going stir crazy in your cell.

Don't complain about your lot, its prison. The guards will respect you more if you just do your time quietly.

The predators will look to take advantage of you by "fronting" you stuff thats hard to get. Thats how they get you in debt, a bad place to be. Get your stuff from outside and from the commissary if you got money.

Get in shape before you go, as much as possible. The lions look for weakness among the herd of noobs.

Good luck man.

a reply to: kosmicjack

I've learned not to blame others for my behavior. It's been so long since I was originally jailed and so much has changed. I went through every stage including anger and sadness. I was worried about being second class and never getting a career, which led me to become somewhat disillusioned with regular jobs for some time.

I was dating this beautiful girl for nearly a year going great! We talked about engagement and I planned to meet her parents (wealthy). The week before that she stopped talking and I discovered her mother did a background check on me. In all fairness she deserved to know but it was still devastating to be embarrassed like that. I developed this weird sense of anxious paranoia. Like anybody could google my name and find my arrests!

a reply to: gorsestar

I'm really sorry man. If it's any consolation many of us will join you in the future. The police state and prison industrial complex are accelerating. Best of luck with a situation so horrible I can't even begin to imagine it. I complain about long car rides....you're a braver person than I.

Gorsestar...

What more can I say?

Your thread deeply touched me as you come across as a person of much integrity and honesty (no matter what some people might try and judge you for...)

We all learn by our mistakes and I hope that your short time in prison will positively enlighten you towards what the future holds for you.

Take care and remember that some of us here are thinking about you...

It would be great when you have done your time to come back here and share with us all your experiences whilst serving your sentence.

Kindest respects

Rodinus

a reply to: gorsestar

I've sat here for a good ten minutes or so trying to find words that will somehow make you feel even the tiniest bit better, or even provide the smallest amount of comfort. I'm still trying to find them, and believe me, it's not that I feel you don't deserve them. I think you do deserve them quite frankly. You're obviously remorseful for what you've done, and that's a huge step above a majority of the people that have committed crimes that have landed them extended stays behind bars.

The best I can offer you is to remind you to stay strong, and look towards the future. You won't be there forever....and maybe you can find a way to use this time to better yourself. I wish I could offer you more, as I'm literally feeling a sense of pain for your situation. I have a hard time knowing that others are hurting and not being able to do anything about it. I'm by nature a fixer, and it's difficult when I feel like I can't do anything about someone else's pain.

I'm really sorry.

It sucks you're going through this. My cousin has been in prison for YEARS. He committed lots of fraud, identity theft, took lots of money for jobs he had no intention of completing...things like that. Did he break the law and deserve to do time? Absolutely. However, the fact that a lot of violent criminals go in and out like its a revolving door and serve much less time infuriates me.

My uncle is a retired Baptist preacher and my cousin was very active in the church growing up and as a young man. Going to prison put him in a unique place to go back to his roots, so to speak. He's been involved with the prison ministry programs and has really turned his life around. He's in a good place, even if he is locked up.

I have no idea how much more time he's got until he's paroled, but I cannot imagine it being much longer. Especially since rapists and child molesters barley serve 1/10 of their time. It just makes no sense to me anyway.

Good luck to you. Just keep a low profile. Be "nice" but don't be a total push over or show weakness. That'll get you in a bind faster than anything, IMHO.

Don't be aggressive. Aggressive gets you in to confrontations with people you do not want to be up against. Stand up for your self, but be ready to take an a$$ kickin. It's going to happen sooner or later.
Keep your head down and don't make waves or complain to the guards. Or about the guards. Remember, as long as you're in, They Are God, so you don't want to be on their bad side.
Stay with your own color. They Do Not tolerate mixing and the gangs will tear you apart if you try.
Try to get in a work program. There's a waiting list and you may be out before you get it, but try.
Respect others space.
If a guard yells Get Down! you do not want to be the guy standing up, looking around trying to figure out what's going on. Just hit the dirt, put your hands over the back of your head and Stay There till you're told to get up.
Good Luck.

When conditions are as bad as you say, it seems like they would let non-violent people wear the ankle bracelet and stay home.

Hope your time passes quickly........

a reply to: gorsestar

It took a lot of courage to post that. I admire a person with courage and honesty.

I won't ask why or how; it's none of my business. Try to maintain your sense of self respect but be cooperative. Take advantage of any recreational activities they offer and occupy your thoughts with something other than where you are and why you are there.

Hold on to the courage and integrity you displayed here. I wish you all the best.

Not sure if this will help but, my brother in law spent 2 1/2 years of a 12 year sentence. They shipped him off to the Western and Southwestern part of our state. Pretty far away so visiting wasn't easy. When he went in, he tried to keep his head down. He was a pretty tough guy/street smart on the outside but, even he knew that some of these people he was incarcerated with were very bad men and in comparison, he was a "schoolboy". A particular group of white men invited him to join and I remember he said (for some reason you must say it like this) "I respectfully decline your invitation". Well, the races do stick together so, he wass permitted to be "around" them and work out with them and such but, he had no protection from them so to speak.
He went on for awhile and somehow got into it with some folks (probably a debt, we sent him alot of money while he was on the inside). He wound up in PC and that was good for him as he started attending classes (GED, addiction counseling, that sort of thing). He managed to get a job in the kitchen for awhile and he said that really helped pass the time also.
It's heavy. He wrote alot of letters and received alot of letters. He said that he would read about what we were doing out here and close his eyes and dream about being here with us. Doing those things (whatever they were, vacations, dinners, etc.) with us and dreaming of coming home.
Good luck to you! It can be done! Stay strong!