Any advice on getting over somebody...

I never thought I would write something like that, but currently I just don´t see much choice, as I need to get it off my chest, but I´m too proud to talk with my friends about such matters.

A few months ago I met this amazing girl at a bar and managed to blew it due to being drunk (and some unluck - if God existed, he must hate me). During the years, I have been out a lot and met a lot of people, lots of girls, but to be honest, I have never been so interested in anyone else. I do not even know her that well, but there just was something about her. She was quite average physically, seemed a bit shy, but she had this incredible vibe. When it comes instincts, I trust mine. So far, I have not been wrong trusting and I doubt I am mistaken this time. I wasn´t myself that night and that is what I regret about the situation. Had I been, everything would´ve worked out well. Despite having done quite a number of mistakes during my lifetime, this is actually one of the few, I do regret.

And now I just cant get her out of my head IN nearly 2 MONTHS. That is seriously pissing me off, but I can not do something either. I screwed up my only way of contact by trying to talk with her on FB, despite her wish of me not contacting again, and well my first block ever happened (don´t even tell me how stupid decision it was...) . If I could get just 10 minutes with her, I could fix this, but I can´t and well I see no other option than letting go, despite every part of myself wanting to go for it.

Any advice on how could I just let it go. I want to, but well so far no methods I´ve come up with have helped.

reply to post by Cabin


I can't even count how many time I've said this over the years...

The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else

reply to post by Cabin


My advice is pretty simple advice but it won't be easy or pleasant. Workable solutions rarely are, eh?

I think you may need to just sit down in quiet and peaceful solitude and have a real good pity party one of these nights. Let the emotion flow, if it needs to, in your privacy. Look at and consider all that happened tho...tear it apart..then look at it again from another angle. It's obvious this mattered and so, I'd say stop trying to forget and settle with making peace. Make friends with the memories and emotions and perhaps that will allow you to move on with it in perspective.

Just my two cents.

stop making happiness dependent on someone else.
find yourself, and you will find what you really seek

reply to post by Akragon


That is good advice, but I have tried it already.

I am not the person, who falls for somebody often, last time was over 5 years ago. I have had a number of girls during the years, but to be honest, I have always known from the start that these will be just short-term flings, nothing more. I have tried whether I would fall for them over time, but so far, has not happened. When I meet somebody, I always trust my first instinct about them and I just know, whether I want them or not, instantly and well, this was the first time in 5 years, I felt something like that instantly.

reply to post by Cabin


I hear ya brother... The thing you gotta keep in mind is that she blocked you...

That pretty much means game over...

Go hang out with the guys, have a few beers... flirt with some ladies, dance and have some fun...

You just gotta forget about it man... I know sometimes you meet someone that you think is perfect, but im sure you'll eventually learn it wasn't meant to be...

Theres no greater pain then heart break... but you just gotta let go, have a good cry if you need it... I know its not manly and all but it releases a lot of stress on the body...

Good luck to ya... and I would reconsider my first post

reply to post by Cabin


Yeah man, I know the feeling.

Takes months, even years sometimes. What you have to always remember is that the ' What if Scenarios' aren't worth contemplating.

You can miss a person, without giving yourself a hard time.

Keep it up, it will get better.

~Tenth

reply to post by Cabin


Write her a actual letter. Not a email, nor a tweet or any of that FaceBook crap. But actual pen to paper. Let her know how you feel, not only about her, but how bad you fell for screwing up that night.

But a word of advice, if she does return...she'll never forget that night...ever. It's one of the wicked powers ladies have over us men.

Cabin
I never thought I would write something like that, but currently I just don´t see much choice, as I need to get it off my chest, but I´m too proud to talk with my friends about such matters.

A few months ago I met this amazing girl at a bar and managed to blew it due to being drunk (and some unluck - if God existed, he must hate me). During the years, I have been out a lot and met a lot of people, lots of girls, but to be honest, I have never been so interested in anyone else. I do not even know her that well, but there just was something about her. She was quite average physically, seemed a bit shy, but she had this incredible vibe. When it comes instincts, I trust mine. So far, I have not been wrong trusting and I doubt I am mistaken this time. I wasn´t myself that night and that is what I regret about the situation. Had I been, everything would´ve worked out well. Despite having done quite a number of mistakes during my lifetime, this is actually one of the few, I do regret.

And now I just cant get her out of my head IN nearly 2 MONTHS. That is seriously pissing me off, but I can not do something either. I screwed up my only way of contact by trying to talk with her on FB, despite her wish of me not contacting again, and well my first block ever happened (don´t even tell me how stupid decision it was...) . If I could get just 10 minutes with her, I could fix this, but I can´t and well I see no other option than letting go, despite every part of myself wanting to go for it.

Any advice on how could I just let it go. I want to, but well so far no methods I´ve come up with have helped.

edit on 13-2-2014 by Cabin because: (no reason given)

Man, I was with someone for four years. I am in college, worked full time while we dated, she cheated on me; and I forgave her multiple times. Yes, I wen tthrough some problems emotionally when I had lost 8 family members in the matter of a year -- we got into an argument and she told me I fake my depression (I was on meds for nearly 10 years) so I took myself off of them cold turkey FOR HER( she broke up with me ten days later). Anyway, long story short, SHE broke up WITH ME. You can do everything in the world for someone, if it's not meant to be, it wont happen. Its' been a little over a year since this happened. You just have to keep going; I went through attempted suicides, weeks in the hospital, fights...she left ME for a drug addict, drop out.

Essentially what I am saying, sometimes things don't work out, and we cannot see why. Essentially it makes us stronger in the end.

reply to post by Cabin

I'd say the issue is deeper. She's a girl met in a bar...and you were drunk. Those 2 stated facts (yours not mine) explains everything.

2 suggestions for you. Dont try to pick up women in bars. Especially when or while you are drunk.

Get over it.

Umm, you were in a bar....you met a girl......you were drunk....she blew you off.....

That's what you said so we'll take it at face value. Bear in mind that it is YOU who brought this up in a public forum. That means yiu are going to get varied responses, so deal with it.

How long did you "know" her? 10 minutes? 30 minutes? An hour? And though you were self-admittedly drunk, your senses weren't impaired at all, right? So you knew this was the girl for you, but you blew it. How? By being a jerk? Throwing up on her? Falling down? Or just staring at her chest? Or because of your excellent intuitive abilities do you tell her you just knew you wanted her to have your babies?

Tell you what. I don't believe you. You didn't know this person at all. You hit on her when you were drunk and she told you to take a hike. That's it. There isn't anything else to this. That you have snowballed this thing into a major crisis in your life says a lot about your character, and it isn't good. Something's wrong here. If you are emotionally that unstable I would suggest you aren't ready for a real relationship. Seriously.

I say this in the light of the many people who come here and express similar issues, but their relationships have been for months, years, decades. They have had children with these people who have blown them off. They've been made financially destitute in some cases. They have lost what they dedicated their entire lives to. I have a lot of sympathy for these guys and gals. They're hurting and they have reason to hurt.

But you meet a gal in a bar one time for a few minutes and expect us all to put on a "Poor baby!" routine for you?? I think that's what they call a "First World Problem."

In other words, it isn't.

reply to post by Cabin


I can't give you advice, but I can provide and observation drawn from your words with little or no imagination on my part.

You don't tell us directly, but you evidently did something very distasteful to this girl, you feel guilt and you want to blame alcohol and that you are not REALLY that kind of guy.

What you obviously can't see with you fabulous ability of your "vibes" always being right on is that this gal has her own set of vibes and you should do a long time of guessing what they were telling her about you.

Frankly, I'm not quite taken by the story you present. If you were THAT drunk to cause her to think badly of you, how can you now be trusting your vibes which surely were given you some instructions in how to approach her that night.

She was quite average physically?

well theres your problem from the start,a girl you are trying to say could be the girl of your dreams and you describe her like that?

maybe its the case you thought you were better than this girl and shes put you in your place and you just can,t handle that so you need to get with her so your ego isn,t damaged.

move on and except your not all that and this sensible girl walked away from a world of hurt.

it's all about your minds wants and desires. You have to convince your mind she is not the one. That's were the longing resides. In your mind.

I kinda have a rule...which for me works great.

I believe in harmony between people that are right for each other. When there is harmony...when there is understanding, when there is mutual attraction, when there is desire for each other...than...there are no games...there are no escapes from each other.

When things are right between two people...than they both want it. They don't run away from it. They don't hide.

When they do hide...or you do...than it's not right. She is not the right person for you...or you are not the right person for her. It's that simple...In the grand scheme of things...the only thing that matters is whether you are compatible.

So, whatever your "transgression" was...trust me...if she was the right one...she wouldn't have closed you off.

So for me...it always works like that...I just see that we are not right for each other...and in that moment...my mind slowly let's go.

But you have to give your mind valid reasons...if you have to let go...than explain to yourself...why it wouldn't work between you.

Maybe you think it would work...but...I doubt it.

reply to post by Cabin


* Stop thinking about them

* Realize that if they left you then they weren't good enough for you anyway

* Distract yourself with friends, family, and your favorite hobbies

* Be happy that you are single and that you aren't bound to a relationship for now and can be yourself
(many people in relationships miss being single lol)

The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else - See more at: www.abovetopsecret.com...

That was going to be my advice. And since you said you tried that...well, you'll find one that does the trick.

Nice thing about years....you look back, and realize how many times you were enamored and thought the world would end, etc. Too, too funny. Years from now, you'll look back on this one that got away in much the same way, and wonder why you were so silly about it.

a reply to: Cabin

Hope you are feeling better, brother.

a reply to: Cabin

PERHAPS the following would be of value:

Sit down and write out:

1. What attracted you to her--as many specifics as possible. Be clear. Describe attributes, behaviors, statements, looks, whatever. List as many as possible.

2. List as many possible negatives as you can.

3. List your attributes that might have been a positive match.

4. List your flaws that would have sabotaged the relationship.

5. List what you have learned from the whole situation.

6. List the traits that were most attractive about her

IN PRIORITY ORDER that you'd look for in your next potential girlfriend.

7. List your 3-7 PRIORITY approaches, behaviors, attributes, strategies etc. that you'd PREFER to follow with sincerity and some creativity and spontaneity with the next girl.

8. Forgive yourself. Forgive her. Go on.

9. When the thoughts return and you begin to kick yourself . . . say something to yourself like "!STOP! I don't deserve to kick myself any further. Kicking myself will not help me nor my next relationship. Enough already yet!" THEN force yourself to think of 3-5 positive things in your life or potentially in your life and focus on those for at least 3-10 minutes.

10. Please let me know how it goes for you. I'm saddened that you are struggling with such a frustrating disappointing situation.