reply to post by darkbake
I think it was around 2008, and even more in 2012, where at least in my life I started to experience thought crimes (that is things that are part of
larger crimes but not actually crimes themselves, and could actually be used by innocent people) meriting police attention.
For example, I moved to a different state, and while there, I made friends with a group of people and we would have quite a few board game nights and
game nights at our house - between that and my mother coming over, the police somehow got the idea that we were running a drug ring.
This resulted in a flopped drug raid on the house only a few months back, which affected my anxiety and self-esteem irreparably. It definitely could
be repaired, but it isn't at the moment -
This affected my anxiety for obvious reasons, and my self-esteem for less obvious reasons - because it made me feel as if I was a criminal and made
me confused about what kind of things are allowed or not in this country - which affects self-esteem in a major way, because one of the biggest
downers is wondering if something you are about to do that is beneficial, like gaming, could be considered a crime.
Ever since this experience, I have been both more afraid than usual to do gaming, and more afraid than usual to invite the guys over to my place. I
have also become agoraphobic.
It was around this same time that I started getting pulled over by the police quite a few times - one time, I had been using my navigation system and
they thought I was drunk and pulled me over - I had to do a bunch of field sobriety tests, but of course, I wasn't drunk -
It was earlier in the year that the N.S.A. leaks happened, and we all got to learn that the N.S.A. basically had its ears in everyone's business - and
although Obama and his administration do claim that the information is not used inappropriately, I think that claim remains unfounded - Reuters did a
special report, for example, on the DEA using the N.S.A. intelligence in order to catch minor drug users - later leaks show this program was likely
centered around text messaging.
It was at this point that I started to experience major anxiety (has anyone else experienced this lately?) during things like police pull-overs (which
happen to me a lot for sketchy reasons, and tickets, never) when I will start shaking because, although I am doing nothing wrong, I don't know what
the police consider
wrong. After all, they do pull me over and not give me a ticket, am I right?
I had to start talking to my counselor, who also began to experience being pulled over quite often, about this anxiety because it began to get
crippling. When people say "It doesn't matter if you aren't doing anything wrong" I have two replies to that - it does matter, because it increases my
anxiety, and it does matter, because I'm not doing anything wrong and my day is still being interrupted by police on a fairly frequent basis.
At this point, I'm wondering if anyone else experiences any anxiety over this, or anything similar.
With the revelation of the N.S.A. spying I also noticed a lot of my friends getting much less trusting. I don't know if anyone remembers what life was
like in the past, but at least I recall a life where people got together and talked openly about things. Now, it seems more as if people are not
willing to discuss anything because they want to protect themselves.
One of the later aspects of a police state that shows up is similar to the one showed in Fahrenheit 451 - a movie about book burning - where people
who collect books are considered criminals - and that is the aspect where neighbors are expected to turn each other in for "suspicious" behavior, even
if it isn't criminal behavior.
I have not seen too much of this yet - anyway, these are my thoughts. My analysis of my thoughts is that I am prone to anxiety already - and this kind
of thing, although not a big deal, affects my day-to-day life.
One time, I had to go through airport security, for example, and I had a panic attack - right at the checkpoint - I started shaking and sweating -
luckily, the T.S.A. let me through just fine - but man... talk about an escalating situation. This is another case where I'm doing nothing wrong, but
because I know a bit about physiological profiling, situations start running through my head that escalate the panic attacks.
edit on 23amThu,
23 Jan 2014 05:04:27 -0600kbamkAmerica/Chicago by darkbake because: (no reason given)