Some Scots humour...

Some Scots humour...

So for those who don't speak Scottish Santa says
" If I told you knew I've told you a hundred times.
Keep off the south wall."
(not sure about that last line really.)

I had to read it twice or sound it out twice actually.
I know I don't speak English whenever I hear an English man speak
I must speak American.lol.

reply to post by scotsdavy1


I just have to add this video from one your charming comedians Danny Bhoy about national symbols



If it doesn't play, here's the link to You Tube

reply to post by scotsdavy1


What? Nothing about haggis?

AutumnWitch657
So for those who don't speak Scottish Santa says
" If I told you knew I've told you a hundred times.
Keep off the south wall."
(not sure about that last line really.)

I had to read it twice or sound it out twice actually.
I know I don't speak English whenever I hear an English man speak
I must speak American.lol.

Weird.

I read it as

"If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times, keep off the swally (booze) when you're driving me around you idiots."

reply to post by AutumnWitch657


I read it as "If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times, keep off the hooch (swally -swallow/scotch) when you're driving me around, you idiots!" Or something like that

Bad form when Santa wrecks his sleigh. He can blame it on the reindeer if he wants, but the driver is always ultimately responsible. Must have 'gee-ed' when he should have 'haw-ed'. Or something.

No wonder my Mom always made me leave cookies and milk -- Santa has to continually get something on his stomach to absorb the 'swally'. Well, I would too in his boots, except I'd create an elves union and take a few weeks to deliver the goodies.

reply to post by aboutface


You coded it wrong

I corrected it

Using "YVID" is NOT an ATS player

It is "BB" Code for YouTube

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and Claudia Schiffer are riding in
a train car together. The train enters a dark tunnel and a "kissing"
noise is heard, and then a loud "slap".

When the train exits the tunnel the Englishman is holding his cheek,
obviously in pain.

Claudia Schiffer thinks, "That Englishman must have tried to kiss me
in the dark but instead kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it".

The Englishman thinks, "That Scotsman must have kissed Claudia
Schiffer in the dark and she thought it was me, and slapped me
for it".

The Scotsman thinks, "Ooooo, this is working great. I can't wait for
the train to enter another dark tunnel so I can make another
kissing noise and slap that fooking Englishman again!"

reply to post by Q33323


Just for you ...







And no, we don't all eat haggis or wear kilts

Two American women are on vacation in Scotland, and are attending this festival, where the men are all running around in kilts. While they are walking around they see this Scotsman passed out under a tree.

One of the ladies says to the other, "you know they don't wear any underwear under these outfits.

And the other lady says, "lets see," and she pulls up his kilt, and sure enough its all out there.

So one of the ladies takes a blue ribbon from her hair, and ties it around his thing, and they wonder off.

A little while later, the Scotsman wakes up and stumbles into the woods to take a piss.

So as he is going about his business, he notices the ribbon, and says "wall laddie, I don know where ya bean, but I am a glad ya took first prize!

reply to post by poet1b

reply to post by geobro


👍👍😄

Ack, this is aw the Scots humour a kin take, laddies:

reply to post by winofiend


This, stupid touchscreen keyboard substitutes words.
if I don't catch it I get sentences that don't make sense.