Ritual abuse etc, how to get memories back?

If I was abused, and they hypnotize me to forget most times, HOW do I get my memories back, besides going to an hypnotist?

I just watched this, and it triggered a LOT from my past, but SO much that I can't remember.

For example, I guess when I was younger I could not as easily be hypnotized, so I remember a lot of the sexual abuse.

Then as I get older, newer instances "blank out" at certain points.

For some examples. I was stuck into the van, about 7 years old, then there was a fire, and people being put into the fire, and then I was home again, but nothing in between...

another example, I was about 10, all excited to go for a 4 day trip on this super yacht. Remember going to the yacht, getting dropped off by grandparents, getting on the yacht, looking at the cool living room, then being shown the bathroom, then home again 4 days later, with no other memories of the yacht.

another example. Telling the abuser I saw a UFO with my some people, while at a cabin, then home again, no other memories of the long weekend or the rest of the conversation...

Then, the most recent. At a public gathering, get u the courage to confront my abuser, but with no details, just said that I remember my childhood, even though they think I probably forgot it all. Well, that was the end of that outing.... I thought I was safe because I brought a friend with me, but sure enough, the rest is a blank, followed by chaos in my personal life for a long time. Like big time chaos that you only see in movies type thing.

I was watching this video, and it is so true about the phone call triggers and things. I finally caught on to that a few years ago, and stopped answering the phone.



The thing is, every time I talk about this, even online, it gets stopped somehow, or a distraction, or something stalls the process for a few years again.

I was a bit stupid though and was not discreet enough in hiding my identity etc. So hopefully this time I can get somewhere.

I want to find out a way to get back my memories in an independent way, as I really trust NO one.




WELL, it is not letting me post the video for some reason, but it is called, ritual abuse mkultra and gand stalking.....

If you remove the v= it will work.

Thank you for sharing.

Awesome thanks! I am still watching too, just got part way through and decided to start the thread.

I edited to add : .....

That just gets sick and weird, and goes nowhere really..... but I watched it anyways, looking for answers, but as usual, just a carrot on a string and the run around....

Talk all day about a person breaking their leg, but no one seems to know how to put the cast on....

reply to post by hidingthistime
The only way that worked for me was to look inside. Break the patterns I would follow in my head and with my body, which lead to my handlers losing control and thus losing their rank. You see you are worth ALOT more than you think. Individual/heavy mind control is much more rare and thus more valuable than light/mass mind control. I hope this helps.

reply to post by DayKnightmare


I think, generally I have kind of "lost" them, they have given up on me?

BUT, I have also lost a LOT.

I used to go out, and be happy, and have a lot of people over, friends, have a real "life".

Now, because of my lack of trust of ANYONE< I have zero life at all. I am completely isolated and never leave the house. I make no new friends, and ignore the old ones etc. Like I said before, I won't even answer the phone, and I don't fall for ANY bait, no matter how big, little, or innocent.

I had an awesome career, and just up and left it before they could take it away, like grabbing the gun from them and shooting myself kind of.

I used to be beautiful, and now I hacked all of my hair off, and wear no make up (Brittney Spears, Shinaed O'konner)

I dress like well, like an invisible person, wear hats and hide in every way possible.

I used to shine and light up every room I entered, now I hide in the corner etc.

They took away all of my potential, and well, I have been in hiding for a good 5 years, and want my OWN life, not just MY life back, but also every thing they took from me, and to go back onto the path of my full potential, the path they stole. If that makes any sense.

hidingthistime
reply to post by DayKnightmare

 

I think, generally I have kind of "lost" them, they have given up on me?

BUT, I have also lost a LOT.

I used to go out, and be happy, and have a lot of people over, friends, have a real "life".

Now, because of my lack of trust of ANYONE< I have zero life at all. I am completely isolated and never leave the house. I make no new friends, and ignore the old ones etc. Like I said before, I won't even answer the phone, and I don't fall for ANY bait, no matter how big, little, or innocent.

I had an awesome career, and just up and left it before they could take it away, like grabbing the gun from them and shooting myself kind of.

I used to be beautiful, and now I hacked all of my hair off, and wear no make up (Brittney Spears, Shinaed O'konner)

I dress like well, like an invisible person, wear hats and hide in every way possible.

I used to shine and light up every room I entered, now I hide in the corner etc.

They took away all of my potential, and well, I have been in hiding for a good 5 years, and want my OWN life, not just MY life back, but also every thing they took from me, and to go back onto the path of my full potential, the path they stole. If that makes any sense.

Real or not.. remember or not.. dont let others control and destroy you. FDont let YOURSELF destroy you. Thats no way to live, dear. Life is so utterly short... this time youre in is the only shot you have at THIS time. Live it. Its definitely the best revenge.

What a sad story, I really feel for you. My advice, and please don't take this the wrong way, is to look up a support group in your area, for people who have been abused in some way. There may be no need to explain that you think it's tied up with hypnosis and ritual behaviour, but you might be able to at least share in the sense of "My memories are hazy and distorted, probably as the result of the trauma" - and then you might find you meet a few really genuine people, who can help you to start your life over again.

I've had some very surreal experiences, many in fact, which led me to believe I was in some way being conditioned; however, in my case, sexual abuse wasn't a factor - it seemed more military type stuff, if that makes sense. I found my freedom - in large part - when I joined a church where people took me seriously, and didn't discount the things I was relating as mere fantasy. Depending on where you live, finding a church like that may be difficult - but I pray that in some way you find the support you need, and I encourage you not to throw the baby out with the bathwater - there are some very good people out there, it's just a matter of finding them. God bless.

FITO.

Advantage

Real or not.. remember or not.. dont let others control and destroy you. FDont let YOURSELF destroy you. Thats no way to live, dear. Life is so utterly short... this time youre in is the only shot you have at THIS time. Live it. Its definitely the best revenge.

I wish it were that simple. When I shine, the moths come and suffocate me. The only semblance of peace I have is when I stop living, like a catch 22, damned if I do, and damned if I don't...

reply to post by FlyInTheOintment


Thank you for your kind words.

I can never go to any support groups again though, they send predators there, or there are just natural ones there.

Church, well, there is too much false religion, and I have tried them all.

I believe in God, and Jesus, but I TRULY wonder why they let me go through all this crap.

I am wondering if there is just some way to do this on my own, just for my own sanity...

I DON'T want to remember the hideous things, but I want to remember WHO was there, and WHERE we were, and well, all of the missing memories that won't send me over the edge.

I don't even remember my own graduation. I remember getting there, they took some pictures, then all blank.

I ask people, no one else knows, same with a million other things, no one has answers.

watching this one now, she is VERY similar to how I feel.

You have not provided much, nor in all probability should you.

I would steer you in one direction for a short time if I may.

The assumption that you have been mind controlled is possibly just that, an assumption.

What you describe, the blank missing pieces can also occur due to your childhood self blanking the memories because you are not capable of handling them. Another name for this is possibly Post Traumatic Stress Disorder complicated by protective amnesia. All of what you have said fits, including distrust of others and paranoia.

A good Psychologist could help. You need a specialist in this area.

P

Memory is a tricky thing. But as others above have already suggested, you don't need to have been hypnotised to forget abuse, the brain can and usually does do that to itself. It will make certain memories fade out as a self-defence mechanism.

And going out to actively recover those memories can sometimes be a bad idea, particularly if you seek to do it without the guidance of a trained therapist.

So I'd just echo advice already given, perhaps think about a support group? There should be many nearby. I'm not sure if you're in the UK or not, but there's some really great charities that do fantastic support work.

Most people who are under any type of serious childhood to adulthood mind control will not find much solace in a Psychologist if they start mentioning "Mind Control", "MK-Ultra, "ritual abuse", etc. In fact, that is a very easy way to be pegged for more terror and trauma (stalking, harassment, messing up your life more, etc) by the psychologists who are supposed to be helping you.

Your best bet is to go to a psychologist who specializes in abuse cases and talk up "childhood abuse", "blank memories", and "trauma". You will get (some of) the help you need by a psychologist who just wants to help you. You have to be committed to not mentioning any of the "conspiratorial aspect" of things. You will probably get some drugs and hypnotic therapy to try to bring you back to remember those memories.

Keep in mind, however, the second these guys get a whiff of **Monarch** or **MK-Ultra** type stuff, they will (if your lucky) cut you as a patient, throw you out on the curb, and blacklist you (which has happened to someone I know back in the early 90s), or (if you are unlucky) they will continue working with you on the surface to help you, while deep down re-enforcing your programming/issues (if you can handle it, read Fritz Springmeiers' "The Illuminati Formula to Create an Undetectable Total Mind Control Slave" for more information).

Good luck, take everything one day at a time, and try to bring yourself out of the depression. You can still live a happy life, even if you do not remember some things. Keep in mind, you might not want to necessarily remember them...

Regression, and also self regression or meditations, seeking and intending this. But you have to really respect your own self and what you can take. Ie. if there are doors in your subconscious that would break you down you don't want to force them open, you'd need to ask and intend for info to be trickled to you. Having faith in Source and your own Soul to provide answers in a safe manner. And ensuring you have a support system, people, routines, ways to relax, destress, discharge negative energy safely as well.

reply to post by Unity_99


I guess maybe I am not as ready as I thought... just a few memories of me screaming or crying breaks my own heart..... at least I find I have pure empathy for myself finally.

I think I mostly closed my eyes as anything I CAN recall, seems to be just sounds so far.

reply to post by hidingthistime


It is a hard and difficult road ahead. What you have just said is an indicator of PTSD with Amnesia.

Your mind is still protecting you. Be careful, lest you fall. Please do not attempt anything solo. The memories are blanked for a reason. Your mood swings and general distrust are par for the course as is your thoughts that you will not make it to old age.

P

Hell my mind is completely fried but I usually don't have large periods of time missing unless I'm really drunk or something else I cant seem to remember happens.....

reply to post by pheonix358



I guess so.

Well, for now I will concentrate on making NEW and GOOD memories.

I am really sorry for what you have been through and what you have lost. With memory we cannot pick and choose, just as others may have caused you to forget your past the mind operates similarly on its own by blocking out what it deems to be too painful. it won't bring those memories back until you are ready to receive them, remembering too much too soon can be too much for one person to handle. They say that those memories are stored differently than say memories of going to the grocery store, to recall those memories you have to recreate the conditions that they were made in. That is why smells and sounds sometimes trigger memories associated with those senses to return. The mind forgets, but the body and your senses remember everything. What was done to you was trauma so looking into the work of trauma researcher like Van der Kolk might make some sense to you. You can also look for EMDR handbooks online to aid recall. I caution though, recall before a person is ready can be cataclysmic. You need to be very stable, strong, and to realize that you cannot control what memories return, your body is responsible for that.

reply to post by Spantsa


Thank you for the references, I will look into it.

Yes, I am scared to know too much, and wish I could just get back the good stuff, like school plays, and choir and friendships etc.....

hidingthistime
reply to post by Spantsa

 

Thank you for the references, I will look into it.

Yes, I am scared to know too much, and wish I could just get back the good stuff, like school plays, and choir and friendships etc.....

edit on 19-12-2013 by hidingthistime because: (no reason given)

Remember those good things, hold on to the positives in your life and build strength from it. You have survived and that is something to rejoice in...the most important thing right now whether you decide to recall or not, is to cultivate strength and positivity. I pray for your healing and wish you the best!