posted on Nov, 14 2013 @ 05:04 PM
I have posted here before about the state of my health after 2 car accidents, 1969 and 2009. These had left me with only my arms working, but then
this year I developed Polymyalgia Rheumatica, (PMA) which took some time to diagnose and I lost the use of my arms. Finally a diagnosis, and steroids
to bring back ½ their use. I have swelled up in the face and feet and don’t even look like myself (check images of Jerry Lewis when he was on
steroids for a year!)
I am tired and weak. I’ve been on too many drugs since 2009. I do nothing but read and check my interests on the computer. I have 2 ‘employees’,
one to do my everyday work, and one a physical therapist, which just keeps me supple, but will never make me better.
I am over 74 and have no family. My Will is updated and Cremation prepaid, and I really don’t have an interest in the world in staying alive, but
I’m still here, to become only older and weaker.
On the topic of work, I do not want to take on a commitment. On the topic of hobbies, after 45 years of being disabled, I have tried them all. I eat
sleep, read and compute. I have lived on personal injury settlements, since 1971, to pay my bills
Somewhere in my head, I never think of dying, just continuing on as I am this day, but I also can imagine the day coming when I will be so bad
off that I won’t be able to do anything at all.
What makes me feel good? Just being responsible about my bills, chatting with my 2 employees, joking with store clerks, and that is about it, other
than movies and funny things on the computer. I haven’t watched TV for 3 ½ years. I gave up soap operas then, as I knew I would die eventually and
never know how they ended.
I never know what tomorrow brings until I awaken and then it’s always “today”, the same as was yesterday, day after day after live long day!