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“To be or not to be”

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posted on Nov, 14 2013 @ 05:04 PM
I have posted here before about the state of my health after 2 car accidents, 1969 and 2009. These had left me with only my arms working, but then this year I developed Polymyalgia Rheumatica, (PMA) which took some time to diagnose and I lost the use of my arms. Finally a diagnosis, and steroids to bring back ½ their use. I have swelled up in the face and feet and don’t even look like myself (check images of Jerry Lewis when he was on steroids for a year!)

I am tired and weak. I’ve been on too many drugs since 2009. I do nothing but read and check my interests on the computer. I have 2 ‘employees’, one to do my everyday work, and one a physical therapist, which just keeps me supple, but will never make me better.

I am over 74 and have no family. My Will is updated and Cremation prepaid, and I really don’t have an interest in the world in staying alive, but I’m still here, to become only older and weaker.

On the topic of work, I do not want to take on a commitment. On the topic of hobbies, after 45 years of being disabled, I have tried them all. I eat sleep, read and compute. I have lived on personal injury settlements, since 1971, to pay my bills

Somewhere in my head, I never think of dying, just continuing on as I am this day, but I also can imagine the day coming when I will be so bad off that I won’t be able to do anything at all.

What makes me feel good? Just being responsible about my bills, chatting with my 2 employees, joking with store clerks, and that is about it, other than movies and funny things on the computer. I haven’t watched TV for 3 ½ years. I gave up soap operas then, as I knew I would die eventually and never know how they ended.

I never know what tomorrow brings until I awaken and then it’s always “today”, the same as was yesterday, day after day after live long day!

Comments? Suggestions?

posted on Nov, 14 2013 @ 05:10 PM
reply to post by canadiansenior70

theres always someone here to chat with... talk about your life, issues... problems or whatever might come to your thoughts...

ATS is a home for many... or a brief stop over for those that are curious or in need

Take comfort in knowing that life is only a blink in the grand scheme of things... We all owe one thing to the world no matter who you might be...

We're in this together... Until we get called home

Much love my friend

edit on 14-11-2013 by Akragon because: (no reason given)

posted on Nov, 14 2013 @ 05:17 PM
There are a number of members here who are either disabled or suffering through one thing or another. You are never truly alone! HUGS!

posted on Nov, 14 2013 @ 05:28 PM
i,m under half your age and everything you,ve said i think myself sometimes but i bet you could keep me entertained for years with the stories you have to tell.

i for one are here to read your posts and hear your views on things past and present,you,ll have more to contribute than most on here.

so fill your days teaching us younger generation what you,ve saw and learned over the years,we,r here to listen and learn

posted on Nov, 15 2013 @ 04:39 PM
reply to post by Akragon

Thank you

reply to post by Night Star

Thank you

reply to post by sparky31

Thank you

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