My 666th post... figured I might as well make it a good one

I figured I might as well go with the obvious numerology and tear off on a "beast" of a rant...

I haven't been on ATS that much at all over the past few weeks... truth be told, I just haven't been online. I "unplugged" for awhile.

"Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds."

J. Robert Oppenheimer is quoted as saying that in relation to the first atomic bomb test.

I think Steve Jobs and Bill Gates should get more credit for generally pantsing our happy world, and giving us all the swirlies and wedgies they suffered as kids... in the form of our digital world.

Gone is the morning paper over breakfast, and the evening news as our media sources... news is more about keeping the masses entertained and garnering ratings... and keeping us plugged in. "A hippo ate a native today in Lower Kreplakistan"... like I really need to know about this poor schmucks fate... or "Katy Beaver singing superstar arrested for smoking crack and wrecking her Mercedes... again". Don't care. Never did. The ones who do only care because the tabloids tell them to. Or Facebook or Twitter, Myspace, blah blah...

Here is a really freaking neat idea. Want to know what your BFF did this weekend? Call them. Drive to their house with a six pack... you get better intel that way

Or, my favorite, "I don't know how we ever survived before Angie's List"... it's called the Yellow Pages. Want to know a good contractor? Talk to your neighbors... how many of us even know our neighbors anymore? "Hey Angie... put me down for a big fat "F" for customer service... and you know what the "F" stands for."

The "information age" is turning the bulk of our population into a bunch of drooling idiots that will panic and throw themselves into the sea if the power ever goes out for a few days.

I guess that's just a few more Twinkies for the ones left behind.

So, yes, I unplugged and got away from my computer for awhile. It was nice. Got ALL of my TV viewing caught up

The kids these days have no idea... the closest thing we EVER saw to what Miley Cyrus pulled on TV was reading the National Geographics in the school library... and the good stuff was always in black and white


And now we have the freakin NSA poking around our computer's collective backsides, anal-yzing every little thing we say. What good is having a private room to violate anatomically correct therapeutic dolls if the NSA has cameras in it? Perverts.

I was just about to swear off the internet for good, then the cable company called to let us know that we were getting more bandwidth. Bastards. They pulled me back in...

It is nice to get a break from the interwebz for awhile. Gave me some much needed time to work on my marriage... by doing things to "spice" things up. I taught my cat to fart on her. I hid dead spiders in the toilet paper. I hooked an alarm to the toilet lid. Sometimes she can't sleep, so I dress in all black and sneak up behind her at 3 AM. Then I started rewarding her correct behavior with treats ala Sheldon Cooper...

She is actually the one that wanted me to start spending more time in my office and on the computer... well, more "demanded" than "wanted"...

Sooooo, I guess I will spending a bit more time on ATS for awhile... it's either this or an eventual restraining order... or chalk outline if she finds that one last dead spider I hid...





I have decided not to post for at least a little while... at least while the numbers are funny

You will get it...


In all seriousness... get away from your computers for awhile... it's nice. Its cathartic. Go to the mall... be surprised by what movies are playing. I think that is why so many of us miss the Reagan era... we were still digital virgins... innocence lost...

S&F for you.

Excellent post.

Hahahaha! I cant decide what part of your rant i like the best!
Thanks for a good laugh.

Very entertaining ...

Now get back on that Spirit Board and get to conjuring.

Happy 666th...S&F

it mad me almost choke on me chop.


20 years ago, people turned off their telly to get out of the house.

Now they're turning off the PC to catch up on the telly.

Ahh the best way to bring the morning paper back is to buy one, sit at the table and read it. I do. So I still have the pleasure of cursning the lame technology that some how still cannot print within the lines and gets ink all over my hands and toast.

But it mops up the coffee pretty well, and somewhere between the sports and news on sports and th upcoming sports and the news on the upcoming sports, and the sports highlights, and the interview with some idiot who kicks a lump of dead animal around, and his maes who all have neck tattoos and their dolled up girlfriends (or wags) and how they all met at a footy match and how pretty they are and even their girlfriends, and somewhere between the business section that talks about how rich the rich people are and how much richer they could be with a new tax, and how they are not rich enough to share the resources they own which they luckily found, and how they like sports and can't wait for the weekend to watch the sports at the match or on their telly, somewhere in between those two main staples of Australian media diet, there is the letters to the editor. The meat of the mundane sandwich... the bacon in the blt. The greasy little nuggets of something relevant to the worl around us, in the form of opinion not constrained by the policies of the newspaper.

3 letters of important information later, it's back on to the opinions about how bad the sports players have been, who are the best, why did so and so not play for such and such...

I prefer to use my paper these days as a good way to start the fire out the back.

And I know all the kids these days are all hooked up on their stereophonics and are digging their hip grooves and getting on down with the man, and all that jazz.. but what they call music is far from it.

The sooner we get over this information baby bump and find the garden of technological eden, the better...

I think what it really boils down to is this. Back when I was a kid, we didn't have all this technology. So weo couldn't publicall complain about how things were changing.. as much.

You "Beast" you! Satire: Where humor meets wisdom.

reply to post by madmac5150


I'm gonna post here and say, Hi! To get rid of my awful 666 number. This is my 667th post.

Ameilia
reply to post by madmac5150

 

I'm gonna post here and say, Hi!

To get rid of my awful 666 number. This is my 667th post.

I too shall say "Hi" and make this my 667th... Happy 667th! The evil ends!!



Now I can't post for awhile because the numbers are just too freaky... I need a Snickers...

madmac5150

It is nice to get a break from the interwebz for awhile. Gave me some much needed time to work on my marriage... by doing things to "spice" things up. I taught my cat to fart on her.

I think I ruptured my spleen laughing.

Best rant I've read in a long time.

Post #666
Premeditated cat fart targeting.
Next on Geraldo.