This is from Cracked.com....Below is all off site content from Cracked, none is my own words, just to be clear. Sorry mods, I don't know how to put
it all in off topic content boxes!
The 4 most passive-agressive ways to get revenge! Man I was in tears reading #2 and #3 and wanted to share!!
#4 magazine subscriptions
The bottom of the passive-aggressive vengeance barrel -- signing someone up for unwanted magazine subscriptions -- is a pretty timid method of putting
them in their place. Still, it's better than a kick in the doodle. The Mark:
My parents have a lifetime of torment to make up for, so don't judge me for wanting to take vengeance upon them. Now, I wasn't beaten or anything like
that, but there's more than one family photo featuring all of us in the same outfit, and I recall more than once being forced to try on pants at Kmart
when I was a child while my mother held the door open and watched to make sure everything was fitting correctly. Later I'll set their house on fire,
but this magazine thing is to test the waters.
Turns out most magazine publishers are well aware of the hilarious prank of people randomly requesting subscriptions, so most of them expect payment
in advance these days. Most. But not all. In fact, many trade magazines are more than happy to start sending copies to your place of business and will
just bill you after the fact, as will vacuous entertainment magazines.
My parents got their first issue of OK! Magazine, and no mention of it was made to me. In fact, they were three months into their subscription to OK!
and also receiving WWE Magazine, New England Runner, All You, Practical Horseman, and 45 other periodicals before I got a phone call asking if I knew
anything about it. I was hoping that they would be receiving a magazine per day before they clued in that something was up.
Naturally I disavowed all knowledge and proposed a computer glitch. Anything that goes wrong in the modern world is probably the result of a computer
glitch. I suggested they save all their magazines as evidence should anyone come to investigate, and I would do my best to alert Homeland Security
that something was afoot. I was called an idiot and hung up on.
Just before I submitted this article to Cracked for editing, my parents had about 250 magazines in their house that they never asked for. It was at
once the most childish and most wonderful thing I had done in years. I feel the way I imagine Nicolas Cage does when someone pays him to be in a
movie. Like it's not right, but somehow it still is.
#3.....Upper Decker (click on the link to read with the pics)
A tried and true method of sticking it to someone you don't like but are on good enough terms with to use their bathroom. It's when you poop into the
tank on the back of their toilet. You classy son of a bitch, you.
The Mark? My brother
When I was 12 years old and my brother was 17, my parents paid him to baby-sit me and he sat on my head and farted right into my eye. That sounds bad,
but it's worth noting that he took his pants off to do it, so his (expletive) was literally right in my eye. For a second before it all went black, it
was like being consumed by the Kraken, only to have it burp (expletive) stink into your eye socket. And he got paid for it.
I visited my brother over the holidays, because holidays are for uncomfortable moments with family when you're all "Hey, remember how we share
genetics? Welp, here's a box of chocolates with a map so you can tell which ones suck before you eat them!" We had dinner and sat around in that
awkward way you do when you let the old people have all the good seats and even though you're an adult you still get a #ty folding chair from the
basement that feels like maybe it's possessed by the spirit of hell's masseuse. Then, when all was ready, I excused myself to go to the bathroom.
The fundamentals of an upper decker are a little more complex than just #ting into the tank on the back of the toilet. For instance, you can't really
just (crap) into the tank on the back of a toilet. I imagine some of you can, some limber (expletive) amongst you who can depants and balance
precariously, your ass skirting the wall as you gracefully pull your cheeks apart and let your feces just swan dive into the tank. I would have broken
my neck. Instead I created a net of toilet paper above the water, secured by the seat, and set about my foul task. Some few grunts later, my net had
collapsed into the water, but, due to my foresight, I had left long TP arms hanging out the sides of the toilet and was able to deftly retrieve my
turd and plunk it into the back of the tank.
Thrilled with my accomplishment, I washed up and attempted to look suave and cool as I rejoined the family. It is currently early January, and I have
still heard nothing about it.
Given that my brother has not discovered the upper decker, I don't know how to feel. I'm starting to wonder what's going on in his bathroom normally
when family isn't around that an errant turd can survive for so long without being noticed.
This is taking revenge to a more extreme place that my previous attempts. There's real malice in this one. You're taking shellfish and hiding it in
someone's home, with the knowledge that when it starts to go off, the stench will be pretty close to unbearable.
The Mark? The guy who had sex with my ex before she was my ex
I don't want to come off sounding like a mentally fractured Maury guest. It's not that I despised this guy for having sex with my girlfriend. I didn't
like him for it much either, though. And since I couldn't get revenge on her, because she currently lives in Korea and is pretending to be a decent
human, I figured this guy would work, because he keeps inviting me to parties and I can walk to his house from here. You ever walk to Korea? It's
Just before Christmas is a magical time for vengeance, because people willingly invite you into their homes and shrimp is usually on sale, sometimes
even with tangy sauce included. I bought a shrimp ring that had no sauce, because I'm cheap. No one even questions you bringing the shrimp ring into
the party because you're just a guy who brought a lame-ass gift.
The hardest part of this whole thing is patience. You can try to hide the shrimp right away, but you really should resist the urge. With a house full
of people, it's not going to be easy to find good spots. Sure, you can drop them behind the couch or in drawers, but that (crap) is lame. You want to
put the shrimp inside curtain rods, behind air vents, and inside framed pictures. Whenever possible, the best place to hide it is a place that
requires a tool to access, because when you're looking for a new stink in your home, you're going to assume that it came from something that fell on
your floor and look in places like under the couch and behind chairs. No one ever looks in framed photos of family for shellfish. That's insane.
Please click the link 4 rest.
I just thought someone could get a good laugh out of this article..
Mods I appologize for any expletive words, I think I got them all in ( )...
edit on 1/16/2013 by Chrisfishenstein because: (no reason
edit on 1/16/2013 by Chrisfishenstein because: (no reason given)