posted on Dec, 29 2012 @ 05:34 PM
We were lucky in a sense that death never played a major role in our family. Our family has pretty much been spared of tragedies and loss of lives and
I am thankful for that. I am well aware that other people/families might not have been so lucky - illnesses, accidents and tragic losses of lives
happen. This is something very inconceivable to me - like things you read it the news or hear "from others".
I want you to understand that what I post is on that background. I certainly don't want to offend or anger anyone who had such a loss of a human
being happen in their own lives.
We have "plenty" of cats - we love all of them, each has a very specific character and each one is a true part of our family.
Today, I went outside in the morning wanting to go to the store to find one of our cats, Manxy, lying dead on its side right in front of our steps
that lead up to the apartment. Our cats hang out down there all the times.
While we have problems with some neighbors because our cats go to some porches and areas they are not supposed to be, I *think* we can exclude
Manxy was just lying there, there were no wounds, blood or anything.
Manxy was a sick cat in a sense that he had birth-defects, for example he only had a stump of a tail, although he was a normal tiger cat, not a Manx
breed, he also had some breathing problems and very, very likely some heart problem.
Manxy was otherwise acting entirely normal, just hours before he squirmed around on my lap making his weird noises, eating, playing, swatting at us
with his claws because he really wanted to get his share of the lunch meat etc. How can he be dead, from one moment to the other....
Seeing him dead out of the blue really took me by surprise. I am feeling sad and also angry, although I don't even know whom that anger is directed
to. God? The cruelty and injustice of life in general? I don't know!!! It's like you want to shake your fist in anger about what happened and you
are looking for someone to blame but you can't....
How this feeling must be if someone would lose a human being.....I cannot even remotely fathom!!!
As for Manxy, one of our cats, my own explanation is that they were down playing as usual....today at 9am (!) that crazy dude again started with his
very loud fireworks/firecrackers a block away (VERY common here in Spain)...so the cats started panicking running back to the house. Manxy, with his
weak heart might have simply dropped dead due to a weak heart. (I found this website where many other cat owners reported similar sudden cat deaths,
mostly due to heart failure).
Anyway, despite the sadness and anger such also opens up so many philosophic and metaphysical questions which go around in my head. Yes I KNOW. It's
"only" a cat...but for me this doesn't really matter. It's a living being.
I am pondering questions like the purpose of a life, why a life is coming to this world just to be taken away a year or so later. Why lives are coming
into this world which are "not perfect" (like handicapped people), or sick people which are destined either to die soon or destined to have a really
horrible life due to sickness or illness. Why people would die at young age while others wont....those metaphysical questions people pondering for
ages already... questions I cannot find and answer for...
Back to pets - this reminds me of an episode a few years back where we had a litter where ONE cat died shortly (minutes) after birth. I can't
understand it. I can't understand the meaning of it. I can't understand the "mechanism" behind it or the sense. How a living being is "made" and
planned to have all abilities to live a life...with working organs, a mouth to eat and drink, feet to run, eyes to see and otherwise OBVIOUSLY
everything given by nature to live....just to die within minutes of birth. This does not compute in my brain.
ONE thing which saddens/angers me about Manxy's death is *also* that a living being is "gone" where I know that no-one ever will talk about, say,
for example, in the news etc... say, if a person would have died. If a pet dies, who cares? Besides me and my wife...the dead of a pet will hardly
"interest" anyone. There wont be headlines anywhere, it was "just a cat". You know what I am saying?
We say..or tend to think...what "relevancy" had this cat in our lives....he lived a year and a half, "all he did" was eat, anger some neighbors by
pooping in their flower pots etc,....but what sense and relevancy did THIS LIFE have? And, what about his death? Do we just wipe this away, saying
"well it's just a pet...it is not important...it didn't play a role in this world"...it came to this world "just like that" in the same way as
it departed this world....leaving open questions about life's meaning....the meaning and purpose of birth, death etc... this applies to pets but OF
COURSE even more so to humans - ANY living being.
But then this is also a very difficult philosophical question for me, because if my logic tells me i HAVE TO apply this to all living beings I cannot
exclude pets/animals and say such feelings only apply to humans since humans, ALLEGEDLY, would be "special"...but if I realize ANY living being as
"special" I would also have to include any other sort of being, heck even down to beings like fleas, fish etc..etc...
How can I say I am angered and saddened by this cat's dead but don't give a **** about smashing a fly or spider?? This is another philosophical
question I have and where I can't find an answer.... WHY do we have a preference (or are taught in such a way) that one kind of life is more valuable
than another? Who decides this? Wouldn't ANY life have a purpose??
Anyway, most of my sadness and anger is really around the idea that Manxy's life is gone, like his existence was so insignificant and didn't really
matter "on a bigger scale" - and i just HATE, HATE this idea.
I therefore wrote this to dedicate it to him and in a way to honor and remember his life. But I also want to dedicate this post to all other lost
pets. Somehow I feel I "owe" it to him...that's the least I can do even if he was "just a cat".