How to Be Happy

This thread is about what you can do to change your life and become happy.



That's it. On a side note, doing this will probably get you kicked out of certain liberal or conservative circles. Not all of them, just some... it could also move you to get involved with those same circles, and if it does, more power to you!! You joined something YOU wanted to, not just to fit in.

Freedom!

But that's the point! Become yourself and then you will attract people who actually like you for who you are! Don't be fake, or you will attract people who are attracted to your fake, or maybe, even worse, you might attract people who are faking that they are attracted to your fake.

Well that all makes sense of course but your premise for the op is that happiness is determined by how many friends you have and that simply is not always the case. When I was younger I thought that way. If it works for you and others that's cool

reply to post by violet


Well... I still think being yourself might have a lot to do with happiness, right? Even if it doesn't have to do with friends... I mean you could not have friends and be yourself... and be happy... ah, but you could be a shy actress, of course - many other exceptions

I'm actually interested, enlighten me on what you were thinking.

I will respectfully try to throw a wrench into your philosophy.

What if who you are in the inside and what makes you happy goes beyond the social norm and you are in fact, for example, evil. Even though ones practices what makes them happy and natural, could it not lead to disappointment if it happens to be significantly different from the so called ' normal behaviour"?

Would you expect the same results?

reply to post by MDDoxs


I like your thinking. How torturous it must be to be hiding your true self from the world! First off, what if you thought your true self was evil, and it really wasn't? Or if society thought it was, but it wasn't actually harming anyone, and was maybe even progressive...

Then, there is the case where you actually are struggling to hold in the demon inside you. Well, you still might be happier letting it out, aye? Just not everyone else. But seriously, maybe happiness might not be your goal at that point.

Now if people are going to start on logic telling me how I should be respectful of other people's feelings etc. too by conforming then - wow. I think we should take into account how that is actually making everyone psychologically unhealthy, thus, going against its purpose.

:

We are conditioned by society from young to try to fit into society, desiring what others have so we have to work for society to get those things that we think we need. We need food, shelter, and some heat along with something to wear to survive. It is all the stuff that we are conditioned to want that causes us to have to work so hard. Many people are not satisfied with what their parents have and will work hard to get what they want or should I say think they want. Gotta have that new new 120hz 60 inch TV because the one you bought two years ago is inferior to the new ones. Be happy that you have a roof over your head and some food in your belly. Be happy that that hurricane didn't destroy your home. You can be happy with little if you want, let go of those unnecessary dreams and get dreams that can make your life here more enjoyable. Why work that high stress job just so you can buy that new BMW every two years that is necessary to have because of that high stress job. Seems that when you get a better job you automatically have to give away the extra money just to be in that class of people working there.

I agree with the OP. It is easy to be happy, it is our self criticism and trying to fit that causes our sadness. S&F

reply to post by SarnholeOntarable




I agree with the OP. It is easy to be happy, it is our self criticism and trying to fit that causes our sadness. S&F


Thanks RickyMouse!! On to better days!

reply to post by darkbake


You make a valid point, darkbake. It is very important for people to see the value in themselves as they are, not as they are told to be.

The problem, though, is that people who stand out get called out.

As rickymouse said, the "first world culture" is centered around social status - we become "unacceptable" as soon as we begin traveling outside of the "norm". The fact is, most people will always be too afraid of being lonely to behave in any way that may be criticized by their chosen group of peers.

The only way to change this is to break the current cycle: Be yourself, but also let your friends, family members, children, and strangers be themselves without judgment and without criticism.

So, then, the question becomes: Who among us is willing to put down the rigid stick of judgment and take up the mantle of humility?

Thanks for writing this post, darkbake.

Originally posted by darkbake
reply to post by violet

 

Well... I still think being yourself might have a lot to do with happiness, right? Even if it doesn't have to do with friends... I mean you could not have friends and be yourself... and be happy... ah, but you could be a shy actress, of course - many other exceptions

I'm actually interested, enlighten me on what you were thinking.

edit on 24-11-2012 by darkbake because: (no reason given)

edit on 24-11-2012 by darkbake because: (no reason given)

I misunderstood you.
You gave a good answer.
You are right, we should be who we really want to be. Be true to thyself.
I guess what I'm saying is it isn't the sole reason for one to be happy.
Got any more tips?

Hm. I suppose theres some truth in that.

What if the truth is... you are a controlling person and controlling others is what makes you happy - feeling like a king or a god.... what then?

reply to post by arpgme


That's a good question, I have no idea. What do you think? It sounds like a big issue - for example, some people could seek power in order to satisfy this. That probably happens a lot, actually - increasing looks, increasing money, increasing skill sets.

Someone without much pull might get frustrated, while someone with a lot of pull might not notice they are in control of the situation at all.

I think this is probably the most important sub-topic of this issue, I didn't even think about it. I know from psychology that it is normal to want to be in control of your situation.

reply to post by arpgme


This has a lot of implications, actually - wow. For example, we all know that religious people can get satisfaction from being in control of their situation. We might think that liberals get satisfaction from lack of control - but this is not the case, they sometimes can express their desire for control by feeling superior to religious people, or controlling what religious people or people who don't agree with them say or do.

OkCupid, a popular dating site, does research with its data and of course discovers that women can get up to hundreds of messages a week, while men can get none for years. This might give the woman a higher sense of control than a man when it comes to dating.

They did discover that overweight women had less success than overweight men.

reply to post by darkbake


I like your idea of "being happy means being true to yourself", because even if we aren't our thoughts, we know which thoughts are more in TUNE with our true self when we see if those thoughts make us feel "happy" or "sad".

So, about "having control - but still feeling like you don't have control leading to frustration", or
"Not having control but feeling like you do which leads to happiness regardless"


Maybe the BEST approach is to start with controlling the mind and THEN controlling your circumstances. Because no matter how much power you have, you'll never feel in control (or satisfied) until your MIND is in harmony with what you want.

If you want to be happy, think happy thoughts, stay away from unhappy thoughts, and let your actions arise from there...

If you want power, think empowering thoughts, stay away from dis-empowering thoughts, and let your actions arise from there...

If you are "controlling" others, then you do not really feel empowered, which is why you must control OTHERS to make what you want happen - you lack your own power...


If someone makes you angry and you punch them, you may "feel good" fighting with them, because you FEEL that they shouldn't have said whatever they said, but that is not really happiness, that action of fighting with another is RESULT of ANGRY, not happiness...

So start with the mind's FOCUS on how what you want is ALREADY in your life by changing the perspective (happiness, freedom, power) and THEN let the ACTIONS arise from there.

That would be my advice.

reply to post by arpgme


Yeah, I think you hit on a lot of important issues, I'll definitely think about what you said. Cool stuff. It's even useful advice for me, so thanks.

reply to post by ottobot


Yeah, you have some good insights! There is decent amount of wisdom in this thread now.

Watch this movie.

youtu.be...

reply to post by Nicole101


I would say; Happiness is a state of joy, pleasure, goodness and satisfaction. Let me tell you people the secret of happiness; "Decide to be happy!"
You feel the way you think and you act the way you feel. Everything has positive and negative both aspects. It is upto you which side you see. It is just like the example of glass "half empty" or "half full". One will find the glass half full whereas the other might say half of the glass is empty. Different people think differently, so a particular phenomenon can be explained in the different perspectives.
"I have written a paper on How to fine happiness" and I have given out a 5 principles approach to it. If anyone would like to read that article, just download it free or visit here;
in.docsity.com...

reply to post by naachiz


Well said!