posted on Nov, 10 2012 @ 08:15 AM
I've had a terrible night, and need to talk about it.
I started having really bad back aches two days ago, and it was peaking last night. I couldn't sleep most of the time and when I did, I was having
active, troubling dreams.
There was a conversation I was having with someone... I recognized it from the film "Waking Life". It was about the Moment, this continual moment,
of the universe simply asking are you ready now? The invitation to join back to everything. And I was answering, no, not yet, there's more things I
want to experience first.
When I was awake, I was anxious and worried, but I don't know why. In my half sleep state, I went to my "dreamhouse" (it is an imaginary space I
have built in mind over the years, and I use for mediation and relaxation techniques). But I sat on the porch, with someone else- a man in robes, he
was bald, he was good looking, young.
For the first time though, there was a storm looming. The sky was black and purple and cloudy, lightning was begining to flash in the distance. I have
never seen the environment of the house like this- it is always sunny!
But this time it was intensely charged, windy, dangerous , and strangely beautiful.
We were talking, I was saying I was worried, but could not explain about what. My mind was scrambled and I couldn't determine what my specific
concern was. I am feeling a sort of existential crisis... like that I don't have any guidance, no help, no resources in the other dimensions
I said, "why does my back hurt so much?? Why does my head hurt too?"
He said it is a lot of energy that I am taking in; that I am a conductor for now. My nervous system is a bit overloaded. They are starting to migrate
I knew what he was talking about on some level, but on another, I had no idea! This is hard to explain. It is like looking into a pond with very dark
water, and you kinda see what is down there, but not really.
I was not being patient or gentle though, I was almost angry. Why now? He said it starts before. The energy chooses to leave and does so, but that
event is not manifested in the physical body until later, in our perception of time.
What he was talking about is people "souls" ! They reintegrate the whole before we see them die physically. There is a mass movement happening. A
big catastrophy or something is going to happen, there will be many deaths. But they have already chosen it and in essence, their bodies are on
automatic pilot right now.
Energy does not disappear. It changes form. It goes into another form... into that of those who are still here, in separation. The survivors then are
channeling and conducting a much larger amount of energy. They are more powerful.
He said, you knew this was coming, you have spent this lifetime preparing for it! All the times you wanted to leave (I have wanted to commit suicide
many times) but felt you had a mission to accomplish first? It is now, the moment is here.
I was saying, but can I handle this?? I don't feel good. I am not someone who has experience managing a large number of people at a time! I have not
developed that skill!
He said, "That is not what you are doing. This energy has ceased the experience of separation. There are not "many spirits" entering you- they have
chosen to return to God. This is simply energy. It carries information and memories, but they are no longer structured and contained in self
consciousness. Like if you dump many cups of water into a tub, there is not many cups inside it, just a lot of water."
"The skills needed are self mastership, not mastership of others in separation. That you have worked on and developed.
You feel there is no one else because there isn't, in a sense. YOU are the leader of yourself, but your "self" is not the limited concept it used
to be- you know you are a self consciousness and "all" consciousness combined. Even in saying "you" this word is misleading. Linear language is
inappropriate for this concept. "
I was irritated and kept coming up with "yes.. but..." opposition. But this was a very complicated conversation, that even as I felt it was simply
reminding me of things I already knew (and perhaps he was just an aspect of myself) I still had part of me sort of refusing to digest it; like
choosing to be ignorant. Or not trusting. I try to write down this concept now, and cannot do so clearly- I keep having to delete.
I woke in the morning, hurting so bad I didn't dare move. Between my headache and my backache, I felt like I had a hangover, though I haven't had a
drop of alcohol since I don't know when. My husband reached over and cuddled me, then gasped and sat up!
He said I was vibrating! I have written about this phenomanon before, in reference to my husband- sometimes he feels like he has electricity vibrating
off his skin when you run you hand lightly around him. We have tested at those moments and others can feel it; a coworker once jumped and was scared
because she talked to him and touched his shoulder, and felt it. He doesn't feel anything himself.
Except this time, it is I who he says is vibrating. He could feel it all over. He also touched my back and could tell where my pain was and where it
wasn't, according to the vibration. He was completely accurate about that. I don't feel it. I just feel grouchy, pained... I kinda feel like a
woman does right before her period, except that is not at all where I am in my cycle.
He had to leave, but I am here kinda freaking out about the ideas that came of all this.
The concept of peoples energy sort of investing into others forms- I have not heard of this before, not in this life. But I knew it. That sounds
I guess it is crazy. I am just thinking I need to post this somewhere, where there will be a trace, dated, to see if there is something that happens
in the very near future. I don't care if nobody reads this, but I needed to get it out there anyway.