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Part 5 - Forgiveness - Is it truly desirable to forgive? Why, what good does that do? How does it change anything? What exactly does it entail? How does it feel/occur when it happens?
You can't get rid of the memories. You will still have the feelings those memories bring up. Over time, those fellings can be "toned down" a bit, but they'll pop up when you remember. The only place you can break the chain, the place were forgiveness occurs, is where you decide what to do with those feelings.
You can sit back and watch those feelings, saying "Yeah, I'm feeling furious," but then what do you do? Commonly, we let those feelings take us over, we nurse them, encourage them, pace, hit walls with our fists, (yeah, I've done that) in short, give the feelings free rein over us.
You've got at least a couple of options that I know about, then. You can note they exist, maybe record the fact in your journal, then get on with what you need to do even though the rage is still there. Or you can feel the rage, remember what your body is about to do, then do something to counteract it. That might mean breathing, or meditation, or thoughtful music, or whatever. But don't pretend that the feelings aren't real.
While those things help, they're not forgiveness. Forgiveness requires a conscious decision on your part, maybe every day, to declare to yourself "I don't want my heart to be filled with hate towards this guy. I'm not going to let him kill me, too." I don't know what path your mind will take to get you there. A lot depends on your spiritual background. When you think of him, perhaps there is some way to say "case closed."
Forgiveness is the renunciation or cessation of resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, disagreement, or mistake, or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. The Oxford English Dictionary defines forgiveness as 'to grant free pardon and to give up all claim on account of an offense or debt'. The concept and benefits of forgiveness have been explored in religious thought, the social sciences and medicine. Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the person who forgives including forgiving themselves, in terms of the person forgiven or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven. In most contexts, forgiveness is granted without any expectation of restorative justice, and without any response on the part of the offender (for example, one may forgive a person who is incommunicado or dead). In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgment, an apology, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe himself able to forgive.
You'll only be letting the pain and hate go. Right now you seem to be saying that every time you think of your Grandma and her death, you have nothing but anger and rage. Do you think that's what she would want you to feel when you remember her?
Isn't a betrayal of Grandma to let it go? I feel like it would be like saying she didn't matter.
Right now you seem to be saying that every time you think of your Grandma and her death, you have nothing but anger and rage. Do you think that's what she would want you to feel when you remember her?