How long does it take to shake off "The Lonliness"?

Hey guys, me and my ex dated for a year. We broke up a few weeks ago on good, but sad terms. She has to follow her dreams and I my own. We had an awesome relationship, no fights or anything.

Anyways, I've been feeling lonely and it's a crappy feeling because before her I was perfectly fine being alone. I really miss that independence. I find myself often thinking about her, and really missing the good times we had together, watching movies, playing Minecraft, going for walks and all that romantic #. I just really miss having a best friend and a close companion.

I think most of the advice people would have is to go out and party and hit on girls, but that's really not the kind of person I am (wow that makes me sound high and mighty; apologies). So I'm looking for different advice, perhaps from others who have experienced this.

Any good ways to regain my independence and feel not so lonely, just like the good old days? Thanks!

Originally posted by Julio
Hey guys, me and my ex dated for a year. We broke up a few weeks ago on good, but sad terms. She has to follow her dreams and I my own. We had an awesome relationship, no fights or anything.

Anyways, I've been feeling lonely and it's a crappy feeling because before her I was perfectly fine being alone. I really miss that independence. I find myself often thinking about her, and really missing the good times we had together, watching movies, playing Minecraft, going for walks and all that romantic #. I just really miss having a best friend and a close companion.

I think most of the advice people would have is to go out and party and hit on girls, but that's really not the kind of person I am (wow that makes me sound high and mighty; apologies). So I'm looking for different advice, perhaps from others who have experienced this.

Any good ways to regain my independence and feel not so lonely, just like the good old days? Thanks!

Never fall in love, always keep some back so when they want to destroy you, you won't be a sad panda. I learned that the hard way. My advice is to put your love in One who will never fail you, Yeshua the Messiah (who many call Jesus the Christ), at least he will always be there to comfort you. Took me all 33 years of my life to figure that out. It's alright bro, in these modern times these things happen, just know you're not alone. Take this time to get in touch with yourself, get comfortable being independant and one day when you've stopped looking, God will drop one in your lap. You liked doing the things you did before her, don't let her take those things away from you.

God bless.

Don't stop loving her.

Love her as a friend, the two of you shared something that will never be replaced.

Become her best friend without the sexual needs/desires, and you hers.

Originally posted by lonewolf19792000

Originally posted by Julio
Hey guys, me and my ex dated for a year. We broke up a few weeks ago on good, but sad terms. She has to follow her dreams and I my own. We had an awesome relationship, no fights or anything.

Anyways, I've been feeling lonely and it's a crappy feeling because before her I was perfectly fine being alone. I really miss that independence. I find myself often thinking about her, and really missing the good times we had together, watching movies, playing Minecraft, going for walks and all that romantic #. I just really miss having a best friend and a close companion.

I think most of the advice people would have is to go out and party and hit on girls, but that's really not the kind of person I am (wow that makes me sound high and mighty; apologies). So I'm looking for different advice, perhaps from others who have experienced this.

Any good ways to regain my independence and feel not so lonely, just like the good old days? Thanks!

Never fall in love, always keep some back so when they want to destroy you, you won't be a sad panda. I learned that the hard way. My advice is to put your love in One who will never fail you, Yeshua the Messiah (who many call Jesus the Christ), at least he will always be there to comfort you. Took me all 33 years of my life to figure that out. It's alright bro, in these modern times these things happen, just know you're not alone. Take this time to get in touch with yourself, get comfortable being independant and one day when you've stopped looking, God will drop one in your lap. You liked doing the things you did before her, don't let her take those things away from you.

God bless.

Your post contains so many directly opposing emotions/ideals....

It sounds like you are just pulling # out of your ass in order to press your "god" agenda.

I've felt this exact same way during my past two breakups, both with people that i was with for years. It's really hard at first...and I don't think partying and meeting new people helps at all, at least not at first. The only thing you can do is spend time with your friends, and just come to terms with the fact that because you spent so much time with another person, you're going to feel empty and alone initially. You just have to accept it and do anything you can to keep your mind off of it. (Except drink, you'll just think of them more then.) After time has healed you a little, then you can try and meet someone else. When you meet someone else that you like more, then you'll be able to fully move on. At least that's what I've found...everybody is different though. I do hope you feel better!!

Thanks guys !

@Lonewolf, unfortunately I don't believe in god. While I know life would probably be easier believing in a higher power, I have tried time and time again to connect spiritually but not a single sign has been sent my way. I do appreciate the compassion though

@Robert, we decided to not talk again as it would be too difficult. I don't think I'd be able to bear knowing she's with another guy, being her stuck as her platonic friend. While we could have tried a long distance relationship, I really didn't want to go down that path because we'd both be busy with work and school.

Originally posted by lonewolf19792000

Originally posted by Julio
Hey guys, me and my ex dated for a year. We broke up a few weeks ago on good, but sad terms. She has to follow her dreams and I my own. We had an awesome relationship, no fights or anything.

Anyways, I've been feeling lonely and it's a crappy feeling because before her I was perfectly fine being alone. I really miss that independence. I find myself often thinking about her, and really missing the good times we had together, watching movies, playing Minecraft, going for walks and all that romantic #. I just really miss having a best friend and a close companion.

I think most of the advice people would have is to go out and party and hit on girls, but that's really not the kind of person I am (wow that makes me sound high and mighty; apologies). So I'm looking for different advice, perhaps from others who have experienced this.

Any good ways to regain my independence and feel not so lonely, just like the good old days? Thanks!

Never fall in love, always keep some back so when they want to destroy you, you won't be a sad panda. I learned that the hard way. My advice is to put your love in One who will never fail you, Yeshua the Messiah (who many call Jesus the Christ), at least he will always be there to comfort you. Took me all 33 years of my life to figure that out. It's alright bro, in these modern times these things happen, just know you're not alone. Take this time to get in touch with yourself, get comfortable being independant and one day when you've stopped looking, God will drop one in your lap. You liked doing the things you did before her, don't let her take those things away from you.

God bless.

He wants advice on how to get over his feeling on loneliness, not advice on how to waste his time.


In my experience, the only way is to wait it out and still love them as a friend, you'll feel better eventually.
I know that's not very helpful but it's what I've found.

reply to post by Julio


I would say about 6 months. Don't waste that time tho wallowing in despair. Keep in touch with friends, start working out and maybe change your diet.

Make your life different, make it better and more interesting. Once you achieve being interesting, healthy and a great person, finding new girlfriends will be a thing of the past.

Originally posted by veranda
I've felt this exact same way during my past two breakups, both with people that i was with for years. It's really hard at first...and I don't think partying and meeting new people helps at all, at least not at first. The only thing you can do is spend time with your friends, and just come to terms with the fact that because you spent so much time with another person, you're going to feel empty and alone initially. You just have to accept it and do anything you can to keep your mind off of it. (Except drink, you'll just think of them more then.) After time has healed you a little, then you can try and meet someone else. When you meet someone else that you like more, then you'll be able to fully move on. At least that's what I've found...everybody is different though. I do hope you feel better!!

Thanks! While right now the thought of someone taking her place and me liking her more makes me sick to the stomach, I know you're probably right. Time is the best medicine I guess.

Originally posted by litterbaux
reply to post by Julio

 

I would say about 6 months. Don't waste that time tho wallowing in despair. Keep in touch with friends, start working out and maybe change your diet.

Make your life different, make it better and more interesting. Once you achieve being interesting, healthy and a great person, finding new girlfriends will be a thing of the past.

6 months? Yay, a number! As a somewhat technical person, that number makes me feel a bit better.
And yah, I think I'll try the workout/ diet thing. I tried it for a couple days (lol) a week ago but just ended up being discouraged at the amount of effort and time it takes; precious time that could be spent on improving my artwork, or learning new things. But I suppose it's a good investment... It's be nice to feel good about my body

Also, finding new girlfriends isn't on my agenda exactly. I've always been of the mind that I would rather date a girl that was clearly into me for who I am, rather than how well I play the pick-up game

reply to post by Julio


To thine own self be true.

Remember that life, just like birth and death, is ultimately something that you must do alone. Sometimes you can share the journey for a time, but everyone's path is different. Cherish the time you can spend together with loved ones, but realize it is never permanent. As it always must have a beginning, it will always inevitably end.

A girlfriend once taught me that we exist here to do two things. We have something to teach, and something to learn. This is your time to learn to be you. It's OK to feel the pain, the sorrow, and the loss. Learn from it. Grow. Eventually, you will become stronger from the experience, and you will be able to help others to understand. It's all part of being human.

I just come out of a 12 year relationship recently.. I have been lost for a while but as time goes on, things are certainly getting easier. Just ride it out, you will get there.

reply to post by Julio


Numbers don't mean anything though, everyone is different, everyone's circumstances and feelings are different.

Originally posted by Julio
Hey guys, me and my ex dated for a year. We broke up a few weeks ago on good, but sad terms. She has to follow her dreams and I my own. We had an awesome relationship, no fights or anything.

Anyways, I've been feeling lonely and it's a crappy feeling because before her I was perfectly fine being alone. I really miss that independence. I find myself often thinking about her, and really missing the good times we had together, watching movies, playing Minecraft, going for walks and all that romantic #. I just really miss having a best friend and a close companion.

I think most of the advice people would have is to go out and party and hit on girls, but that's really not the kind of person I am (wow that makes me sound high and mighty; apologies). So I'm looking for different advice, perhaps from others who have experienced this.

Any good ways to regain my independence and feel not so lonely, just like the good old days? Thanks!

Dear Julio,

I was with a woman for 24 years, she cheated on me and left me for another, he dumped her by the way. I thought I might reconnect with the love of my life; but, she died the day before my birthday last year. I have women chasing me down and I hide well. Don't rush into anything, Being alone can be wonderful, find you and enjoy you, don't look for another until you like being alone.

Hit up a club, or "dating" site if clubs aren't your style and find a girl or two to have a bit of fun with. It never failed to help me get over a relationship. Think about the way you were when you were single by happy, I guarantee there's a hobby or two you forgot you used to enjoy that you can pick up again and get back to being happy and unattached. I've been married a little over a year now and I was definately alot happier when I was single and didn't have to give up most of my fav past-times to free up enough time to be a "responsible" person and do stuff that keeps the missus happy

reply to post by Julio


Find things to do that are more business related maybe? Take a business course, pick up a part time job, focus more on the job you have.....a relationship is something personal, so to get your mind off of that maybe you should do something that is the opposite. Business.

The fact that you "left" amicably is a good thing because it leaves the door open. You say you both have different dreams. Maybe you'll both go out, try to realize those dreams and realize that both of you were each others' dreams all along. But the timing, at that time, just wasn't right somehow.

You hear stories all the time about people who separate, spend time apart, then get back together. Maybe or maybe not on the level of "The Notebook", but it does happen. It might be good that way because, if you were meant to be together, you might find that you feel like you never even left each other and you get the added bonus of talking about what's been going on in the meantime.

Just because you think something has died doesn't make it so. And no, that doesn't make you a dreamer. It makes you a realist because you never know what the future holds.

Look at it that way and you'll never really be away from her. She'll always be in your heart.

Replace your feelings of sadness, loneliness and loss with the every bright and cheerful world of being a fall down drunk who whithers away all their potential and throws remote controls at the telly when anything remotely resembling a happy couple appears on the screen.

You won't regret it!!

The amount of time it takes varies per person as you probably know, so be patient with yourself, and let time heal your wounds. You may not be ready to go out and mingle, but that time will come eventually. The best thing to do until then is keep occupied as much as you can by spending time with good friends, or if you are OK being by yourself, watch movies, play video games, write, draw, or whatever hobby you have.

I was with my ex for 4 years, and it took just over one whole year before I was fully "over" her. So again, be patient with yourself, and use this time to learn who you are, and what you want to do with your life, and always remember. "You can't be with anyone else if you can't be by yourself." I'm not sure where I heard that but it's helped me tremendously.

Good luck friend.

reply to post by VictorVonDoom


Nice to hear you're awake Victor!

Originally posted by Julio
Hey guys, me and my ex dated for a year. We broke up a few weeks ago on good, but sad terms. She has to follow her dreams and I my own. We had an awesome relationship, no fights or anything.

Anyways, I've been feeling lonely and it's a crappy feeling because before her I was perfectly fine being alone. I really miss that independence. I find myself often thinking about her, and really missing the good times we had together, watching movies, playing Minecraft, going for walks and all that romantic #. I just really miss having a best friend and a close companion.

I think most of the advice people would have is to go out and party and hit on girls, but that's really not the kind of person I am (wow that makes me sound high and mighty; apologies). So I'm looking for different advice, perhaps from others who have experienced this.

Any good ways to regain my independence and feel not so lonely, just like the good old days? Thanks!

You're young (I'm assuming) you're growing, learning.
I found you can't bring back the "good old days" you have
to find a new rhythm. Get yourself a new hobby & get out there.

I went through a divorce after an 8 yr marriage so trust me on this,
dwelling on the past WILL make it worse. Get out there
and meet some new people.