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This Beats All Your Jokes.....really it does!

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posted on Oct, 15 2004 @ 05:27 PM
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i was CRACKING UP when I heard this!
PLEASE for the sake of not killing this joke don't get offended!! >.<

A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. At one house it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the pastor had knocked several times. Finally, the pastor took out his card and wrote "Revelations 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in the door.

{Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him and him with me.}
The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the pastor's message was the notation "Genesis 3:10".

{I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.}






Mod Edit: to remove all-caps from the thread title.


[Edited on 17-10-2004 by kinglizard]




posted on Oct, 15 2004 @ 05:31 PM
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It didn't make me laugh out loud it cant be that good. sorry.



posted on Oct, 15 2004 @ 05:32 PM
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Originally posted by shorty
It didn't make me laugh out loud it cant be that good. sorry.


I read the bible a lot... those versus are used for serious things....is all



posted on Oct, 15 2004 @ 05:33 PM
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I know abit of the bible but still it isn't that funny



posted on Oct, 15 2004 @ 05:37 PM
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Originally posted by shorty
I know abit of the bible but still it isn't that funny


allright allright short stuff
I, me thought it was hi-larious
for many of reasons, anyways, I'm going to see if I can find
any more jokes.

meanwhile, anyone, can make up there own crazy weird jokes if they want
maybe stupid... I hear people get bored so go on!



posted on Oct, 15 2004 @ 05:39 PM
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Im taller than you i bet and my user name is after my cat. Thank you i thank you very much



posted on Oct, 15 2004 @ 05:45 PM
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okay.... i'm sorry, If I have offended you.

anyways, new joke and last religious one!

1. Answer the door naked and carrying weaponry.

2. Pretend to be the slowest talking person in the world and see how long their spirit of Christian charity lasts.

3. Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to get flustered and leave.

4. Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty two children. You may have to resort to another method to actually get rid of them, but this will definitely make them sweat.

5. Excuse yourself from the front door and DO NOT come back.

6. Make a series of increasingly reprehensible fake phone calls - your bookie, order for pornography, drug deal, obscene call, and if they are STILL there, a tearful confession to the police for the murder of the last Witnesses who visited you.

7. Pick an often repeated word in their vocabulary (God, Jesus, heaven, it, the etc.) and giggle whenever they utter it. If they ask you what's going on, say "nothing, why?" in very even tones, and giggle again.

8. Same as above, except say "beep" instead of giggling.

9. Guys - part way through, begin putting on make-up, hosiery, a dress, the whole works. Make encouraging noises (uh huh, I see...) throughout and if they ask you what you're doing, pull a #7. If they're still there when you are done, ask them if they would please kindly leave as you have a hot date in ten minutes.



posted on Oct, 15 2004 @ 06:01 PM
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A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

The cabbie says, "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic." The cab driver becomes very excited and says , "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!!!"

"OK", the nun say's, "Pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?" He sobs, "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party



promised my last religious joke but it fit in, anyways, i'm dead tired
see ATS laterz if they haven't kicked me off by then ^.^

by the way, I really don't mind the catholic religion
just silly jokes... if you have one for me...lay it on me
because I don't care man.

with all due rspect

Maddy



posted on Oct, 15 2004 @ 06:12 PM
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O.k if i had no sense of good humor then they would be funny but alas your humour is still not to my taste the last was ok. Best yet yea ok i liked the one about Kevin the nun.



posted on Oct, 15 2004 @ 08:21 PM
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Originally posted by regnassem

Originally posted by shorty
I know abit of the bible but still it isn't that funny


allright allright short stuff
I, me thought it was hi-larious
for many of reasons, anyways, I'm going to see if I can find
any more jokes.


LOL I know what you mean shorty. I didn't even laugh. Im laughing now but not at the joke.



posted on Oct, 16 2004 @ 07:13 AM
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So. So far the only person who likes these jokes is regnassem himself. Its ok regnassem clowns arent funny either
Shame



posted on Oct, 16 2004 @ 07:37 AM
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Alright, enough bashing regnassem for his un-funny jokes...



posted on Oct, 16 2004 @ 10:23 AM
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Kevin the nun was great!

heres one:

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?

********

*****

***

*

He stays up all night pondering the existence of Dog.

(chuckle chuckle)



posted on Oct, 16 2004 @ 01:59 PM
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hehe
everyones like mad at me because I didn't give them funny jokes
okay this next one is probably more cute than funny
My friend told me this one when we were at six flag
you MIGHT have heard it before....whatever

There was this man looking to buy a horse, who goes to
this other man he heard about who was selling this beautiful
white horse. He buys it and before he leaves the man says
to make it go you have to say "praise the Lord!" and to make it stop
you have to say "amen." and he was in a hurry so he wasn't really listening
but he was all "praise the Lord!"
and he left....
Soon on... he was riding the horse and it was going to fast, and he didn't
know how to stop it, he had forgot what the guy had said.
and there was a cliff ahead and the horse wouldn't stop.
so he starts praying...
you know, "dear God forgive my sins....I have done nothing blah blah"
"amen..."
and the horse stops right at the end of it...
and he opens his eyes and he smiles
"PRAISE THE LORD"


not a "laugh out loud" but it was okay .



posted on Oct, 17 2004 @ 09:28 AM
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I wasn't bashing him for his un-funny jokes i was just saying there not funny and it appears as though he-she has continued the un-funny joke instalment with another un funny joke. Keep it up. its becomeing normal to sign on and read another joke that you really want to find funny but you just cant master a laugh out loud. This is no personal attack on a member mac killer.



posted on Oct, 17 2004 @ 09:29 PM
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Originally posted by shorty
I wasn't bashing him for his un-funny jokes i was just saying there not funny and it appears as though he-she has continued the un-funny joke instalment with another un funny joke. Keep it up. its becomeing normal to sign on and read another joke that you really want to find funny but you just cant master a laugh out loud. This is no personal attack on a member mac killer.


are you on your period short stuff?

like I said it wasn't "laugh out loud funny" so I really wasn't trying to make you laugh
*shakes head*
anyways, got a cute one for everyone.
I REPEAT [CUTE] ONE

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note,
"Take all you want. God is watching the apples.



posted on Oct, 18 2004 @ 03:20 PM
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Period. Guys with periods god thats new i didn't know we got 'em as well.


Im a GUY DAM IT



posted on Nov, 28 2004 @ 01:15 PM
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wow i usually dont literally "LOL" but that time i did!



posted on Nov, 28 2004 @ 06:38 PM
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I thought the original joke was funny! Dosent your God have a sense of humour? geez!

Laughter is the highest form of enlightenment !

Love the one about the apples Too! LOl Gotta love kids!

[Edited on 28-11-2004 by instar]



posted on Nov, 30 2004 @ 01:08 AM
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Shorty for a guy who has periods, you should have more.



regn, your jokes are pretty good, especially the kevin one. The last one is a very common one.

Surf





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