I Can't do it Anymore...I'm Lost

I Can't do it Anymore...I'm Lost(life with addict family members)

I have nothing left, there's nothing left in my soul
I've given it all away and the rest they stole
Empty sputtering and shutting down
Try to force a smile but all that's left is a frozen frown
Wish I could reach deep and find some gold
It's all gone I have nothing left but to fold
I have no ace left in the hole
I have nothing left to burn I'm all out of coal
I'm drained maimed and discarded
I feel like a part of me has already departed
I don't know where to go I'm so lost
I gave it all away at my own cost
I'm drifitng into a sea of madness
Now I flow toward the sadness
The very place I fought off for others
I suppose it's ironic and fitting that I join my brothers
I float away as I watch my efforts fade
My heart and soul that's the price that I paid

-Epirus

I'm not sure if this is the right forum. I think it is though.

reply to post by Epirus


I don't think it's in right place but oh well.
I love poetry and yours my friend- very heart felt and sad.

Originally posted by natalia
reply to post by Epirus

 

I don't think it's in right place but oh well.
I love poetry and yours my friend- very heart felt and sad.

Hopefully it gets moved to the right place then...I'm not too great at picking the right forum. I was just thinking it had to do with mental health. Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate it.

Yes you can....write some more good stuff like thatMake some music,find your soul...Anyways,If things are as bad as they seem....well,you know the rest

reply to post by Epirus


Thanks for the poem, liked it. I can relate, addiction runs rampid in my family. I have always been taught never give up on the people you love. I have had to just give up on some of them because I just had nothing left give, they sucked it all out of me. Sad, but real.

reply to post by Epirus


My best poetry has been when I am depressed.
And addiction seems to run ramped in a lot of families.
My mama died cause of her addiction to the bottle.
I would keep writing and know that things do get better.......In time

But the time seems to drag on for me......

The out of control and unpredictable nature of these behaviors can make family members feel helpless, enraged, and as if their sense of reality is being turned inside out and upside down. In short, it's traumatizing.

Addiction, it's about emotional and psychological trauma...Alcohol or drug abuse leaves so much devastation. Mental illness is another one. They all three are very similar in nature and how they affect those around the one afflicted.

Im not sure what your poem is about but i think you need a "hug" peace,sugarcookie1

Originally posted by sugarcookie1
The out of control and unpredictable nature of these behaviors can make family members feel helpless, enraged, and as if their sense of reality is being turned inside out and upside down. In short, it's traumatizing.

Addiction, it's about emotional and psychological trauma...Alcohol or drug abuse leaves so much devastation. Mental illness is another one. They all three are very similar in nature and how they affect those around the one afflicted.

Im not sure what your poem is about but i think you need a "hug" peace,sugarcookie1

Thanks! it's about the former and your direct explanation covers what I'm going through and explains what I'm trying to explain indirectly through the poem.

reply to post by Epirus


Hauntingly bitter sweet Poem. You possess the gift to touch people with a visceral depth. Some people in our lives, are just plain toxic. Nothing we can do about it, but establish a boundary of self preservation. If that means cutting them out of our lives....so be it. The death of a hope, is preferable to the death of our self esteem, and clarity of mind.

Letting go of the toxic person, or people. is the hardest part. We, through our long term involvement in their toxicity have become addicted to the hope of changing them. But let go we must.

I send you thoughts and prayers for Clarity, and Serenity.

Des

Originally posted by billy197300
reply to post by Epirus

 

Thanks for the poem, liked it. I can relate, addiction runs rampid in my family. I have always been taught never give up on the people you love. I have had to just give up on some of them because I just had nothing left give, they sucked it all out of me. Sad, but real.

Exactly, thank you for commenting.

Originally posted by SarnholeOntarable
Yes you can....write some more good stuff like that

Make some music,find your soul...Anyways,If things are as bad as they seem....well,you know the rest

Yeah I know the rest, if only it were that easy. Thank you for your kind words and advice.

Originally posted by Destinyone
reply to post by Epirus

 

Hauntingly bitter sweet Poem. You possess the gift to touch people with a visceral depth. Some people in our lives, are just plain toxic. Nothing we can do about it, but establish a boundary of self preservation. If that means cutting them out of our lives....so be it. The death of a hope, is preferable to the death of our self esteem, and clarity of mind.

Letting go of the toxic person, or people. is the hardest part. We, through our long term involvement in their toxicity have become addicted to the hope of changing them. But let go we must.

I send you thoughts and prayers for Clarity, and Serenity.

Des

Thank you for the wisdom, very well spoken. if I didn't soak everything up like a sponge and if these people weren't responsible for me being alive It'd be a lot easier to drop the toxin as described.

Originally posted by natalia
reply to post by Epirus

 

My best poetry has been when I am depressed.
And addiction seems to run ramped in a lot of families.
My mama died cause of her addiction to the bottle.
I would keep writing and know that things do get better.......In time

But the time seems to drag on for me......

edit on 13-9-2012 by natalia because: Felt like it

Very true but the reason behind it is simple, when you're depressed you feel a lot of emotion and most poems derive their spirit from emotion...it's hard to write about something you do not feel. Poems are based on emotions so periods of bliss and periods of distress are the parents of poetry as they carry the most emotion.

Nice Poem, I appreciate your openness to share your heart.

I write poetry too when I'm down, its a nice release to write it out and get some perspective. I feel the same despair and emptiness sometimes. You do a good job of describing the ache of your soul.

I love to break down poems and find their meaning, and deeper insight. I found some things I would like to share. forgive me if I assume too much.

I notice your concern for your soul is at the beginning and end of the poem. That stands out to me as your prime concern, also interesting is the idea that this is your doing "I gave it all away at my own cost" that echoes your second line.

There is feelings of loss and emptiness coupled with out of control (floating), then blaming your self and finally surrendering to an end you fear the most.

I would guess the feared end would be giving in to the same addiction that you have been trying to protect your brothers from, or giving up on them means giving up on yourself.

The conflict: There is nothing you can do to stop them from making these choices, but you feel a moral responsibility to them that right now feels worthless. One might say it would have been better to have never loved or never cared to avoid being disappointed or despair when things fall apart.

I think that your poem shows to me more about how much you truly love your family. You love them to the point of exhaustion, exhaustion of your soul. That is noble indeed.

Your soul is not defined by your failures or successes. your soul is what you put into it, its not interested in the results.

Praying for you to receive wisdom and strength as you work this out.

Originally posted by Observationalist
Nice Poem, I appreciate your openness to share your heart.

I write poetry too when I'm down, its a nice release to write it out and get some perspective. I feel the same despair and emptiness sometimes. You do a good job of describing the ache of your soul.

I love to break down poems and find their meaning, and deeper insight. I found some things I would like to share. forgive me if I assume too much.

I notice your concern for your soul is at the beginning and end of the poem. That stands out to me as your prime concern, also interesting is the idea that this is your doing "I gave it all away at my own cost" that echoes your second line.

There is feelings of loss and emptiness coupled with out of control (floating), then blaming your self and finally surrendering to an end you fear the most.

I would guess the feared end would be giving in to the same addiction that you have been trying to protect your brothers from, or giving up on them means giving up on yourself.

The conflict: There is nothing you can do to stop them from making these choices, but you feel a moral responsibility to them that right now feels worthless. One might say it would have been better to have never loved or never cared to avoid being disappointed or despair when things fall apart.

I think that your poem shows to me more about how much you truly love your family. You love them to the point of exhaustion, exhaustion of your soul. That is noble indeed.

Your soul is not defined by your failures or successes. your soul is what you put into it, its not interested in the results.

Praying for you to receive wisdom and strength as you work this out.

edit on 14-9-2012 by Observationalist because: (no reason given)

Wow you're good at that! You got the majority of it right. Thank your mindful and observant comment. Your name suits you well.

reply to post by Epirus


Thank you, and your welcome.

I'm glad I didn't offend you with my assumptions.

I think it was easy because I have shared the same bleek perspective. Nothing seems to matter, the cycle of life seems endless, and useless, the harder you try the worse it gets. It's funny but I seem to get more clarity when I'm depressed. Im kinda skeptical of happiness.

Anyway, get some rest and I hope you find some new perspective.

Epirus, I have never read anything so beautiful and heartfelt. You are not alone. And even though it may be the hardest thing you may ever do in your in life, you have to let them go. My experience with my family addicts is they cling to you and make you feel guilty for not helping them by giving them everything you have. My mother was not an addict but a Supreme Enabler to my addict siblings. She kept them supplied with their drug or alcohol of choice, even going with them sometimes to score. The only thing that saved me was I didn't live with them, and I had my children to think of. I finally broke free and it took me the better part of 30 years to do so. I now see how I should have done it way back then and saved myself years of misery and abuse. I do not regret letting them go, including my mother. My children are grown now, and I am just learning to take care of me now. I pray and hope that it doesn't take you as long as it took me. Lots of hugs and blessings.

Originally posted by yesterdaysreality
Epirus, I have never read anything so beautiful and heartfelt. You are not alone. And even though it may be the hardest thing you may ever do in your in life, you have to let them go. My experience with my family addicts is they cling to you and make you feel guilty for not helping them by giving them everything you have. My mother was not an addict but a Supreme Enabler to my addict siblings. She kept them supplied with their drug or alcohol of choice, even going with them sometimes to score. The only thing that saved me was I didn't live with them, and I had my children to think of. I finally broke free and it took me the better part of 30 years to do so. I now see how I should have done it way back then and saved myself years of misery and abuse. I do not regret letting them go, including my mother. My children are grown now, and I am just learning to take care of me now. I pray and hope that it doesn't take you as long as it took me. Lots of hugs and blessings.

Thank you for your kind message and thank you for understanding. I'm glad you broke free.