posted on Sep, 6 2012 @ 09:53 PM
Since my grannys death in 2008 i stopped in time, i stopped having the willpower to do anything about myself. i feel like a loser, i close myself up
in my room and the days go by while i'm growing older (36) and seeing everyone, my friends. my neighbours, my exs, the friends i had in elementary
school highschool and university all having a life and i stood still. I feel paralyzed, useless, with fear of taking a chance, trying to run from real
situations. I feel useless and worthless and the thing is i stopped fighting for my life. Also i try to rewind and live my life in the past, thinking
about the things i could do and haven't.
My fathers death early this year (January) left me even more depressed and without the strenght for trying to succeed. What's the point? I think
about dying everyday because everyday is the same for me.
I live with two single brothers (older brother and sister) and i sincerely think we must have done something wrong in life because we are in the same
boat, the life of us three is completely meaningless (while our other 2 brothers got married and are now very successful in all areas). I would like
to try and help them but i feel helpless myself. I always wonder if it was a curse someone put on us or if it's just in the genes to be weak and
I tried some anti depressants and went to a shrink but it didnt help. Is there a therapy that works? Maybe yoga or some martial art that can help to
achieve a balance (mind body and soul)?