Homer's Veterans/Active Duty Thread

Okay all you Jarheads, Zoomies, Squids, Coasties and Grunts, here is a thread for you to post your jokes, pics, stories and general BS we all like to talk about. f you have a funny story, post it here. got a cool pic of video from your time in, post it here. Wanna bash a Jarhead or squid, post it here!
BUT: please remember the T&C, so keep it SOMEWHAT clean
Haters: ALL hating posts WILL be reported. dont care what you think or how you feel about the military, not my problem, keep your crap outta my thread.
That being said, let me offer the first salvo:

Whats a Zoomie's (thats AF to you civvies) idea of being out in the field?
Motel Six

Us Grunts in the Army say HOOAH, Jarheads say OOH RAH, what do Zoomies say?
ROOM SERVICE!

Okay guys, dont let me down!!
Have at it

reply to post by HomerinNC


When asked to describe the 4 main branches, I had only this to say.
Marines don't sleep.
Army sleeps in tents.
Navy sleeps in tiny bunks next to other dudes.
Air Force sleeps in nice hotels with mini bars.

Choose wisely.

So a marine General, a air force general and a navy admiral are all having lunch.
The air force general says, my airmen have the biggest balls, I'll show ya.
Airman get over here. Yes sir says the airman. Jump out of that plane and don't open your parachute till your a 1000 feet from the ground. So the airman does it without a thought.and the air force general says, now that's some
Big balls. The marine general says oh yeah, lance corporal get over here. Yes sir the lance corporal says. Lance corporal jump on that live grenade to save the lives of your fellow marines. The lance corporal does it and dies and the marine general says now that's some big balls. The navy admiral says okay I'll show ya....
Sailor get over here! The sailor lazily walks over and the admiral says sailor clear our dishes. The sailor says without skipping a beat, go # yourselves and walks off! The admiral says to the others. Now that guys, is the biggest balls I've ever seen.

Have a good one!
Semper fortis

reply to post by Flyzoid


Lol you kinda messed up the joke, but I think the screwup is funnier then the punch line:

Sailor get over here! The sailor lazily walks over and the admiral says sailor clear our dishes. The airman says without skipping a beat, go # yourselves and walks off! The admiral says to the others. Now that guys, is the biggest balls I've ever seen.

reply to post by HomerinNC


Yeah I fixed it lol.

I got that joke from my marine buddy. It sounds better when he tells it cause he is a hoot

A Marine and a Sailor are standing in a restroom using the urinals. When finished the S begins to wash his hands as the Marine begins to exit the restroom. The Sailor says, "you know in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands after we take a leak." The Marines laughs, looks back and says, "Oh, yeah, well in the Marines they teach us not to piss on our hands."

Also in case anyone was wondering what Army stands for; It stands for-Aint Ready To Be A Marine Yet.

Semper Fi.

reply to post by usmc0311


Oh yeah Jarhead?
USMC stands for Uncle Sam's Misguided Children!!!



It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.
A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"
The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"
Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".
The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"
The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."
The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"
The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."
The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"

M- Muscles
A- are
R- required
I- intelligence
N- not
E- expected,
S- Sir!

A- Ain't a
R- real
M- Marine
Y- yet.

N- Never
A- again
V- volunteer
Y- yourself

An airman in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a MARINE joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5" tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The Airman says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."


An airman in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a MARINE joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5" tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The Airman says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."

"So, a blonde fighter pilot was flying in a two ship one day. She was flying her heading just fine, when all of a sudden her wingman called, "We have Migs coming in at 6 o'clock!" She quickly took a thought, looked at her watch and said, "It's okay! It's only 5:30!"

An Army grunt sitting in a foxhole, eating MREs and wearing 50lbs of gear after having marched 12 miles, says: "This sucks."
A Navy seaman sitting on his 5' X 2' bunk, in a closet-sized room smelling of oil and rolling from the waves, which he shares with 6 other men, after not having seen the sky for 30 days says: "this really sucks".
A marine, doing push-ups in the mud during a downpour, after an 18 mile march with 60 lbs of gear, says: "I love the way this sucks, oorah!"
The special forces green beret crawling through a leech-infested swamp, eating nothing but bugs and tree bark for 6 days, sneaking around past armed terrorists, says: "I wish this could suck some more!"
An Air Force pilot sitting in an easy chair in an air conditioned hotel, holding a remote control, says: "no cable? this sucks!"

I think I heard it best said as

The navy navigates by the stars
The army sleep under the stars
The airforce picks its hotels by stars

Marines
Strength of a shire horse
Stamina of a race horse
Brains of a rocking horse

MARINE: My A$$ Rides In Navy Equipment

reply to post by HomerinNC


As much as I hated some things when I was in. I miss it everyday. The late days, the yelling, the PT.
But the most I missed about it was having 85 men under my supervision daily and I honestly don't think any civilian could ever understand that pressure of getting the impossible done it seemed like, and doing it everyday without even blinking an eye!

Thanks for the thread. Hope to hear from others

reply to post by Flyzoid


Same here brother, hated it and loved it; the best time of my life, and the worst time of my life. Wouldn't trade it for anything and would go back in a hot second.

US Infantry Journal...
"Try to look unimportant, the enemy may be low on ammo"...lol