My mother is CRAZY. She keeps sabotaging my relationships

Wow I thought my folks were bad, they seem normal by comparison...

Seriously, some mums will never accept any woman is good enough for their son. I have one of them.

All I can suggest is either an intervention, some doctor or psychiatric help or just all out confronting her to get her to back off. I went the other way and keep my family and relationships separated and private. If my mother starts to intervene I flatly tell her to butt out, although she is nowhere near as extreme as that. About the only other possibility is to move far enough away that the effects aren't as close by.

If you aren't prepared to change it, then the problem will just compound itself.

reply to post by Lulzaroonie


I went through exactly the same and some more....haven't spoken to my mum for years now, sad as that may sound to some, i had to make a decision whether to carry on letting her wreck my relationships or not, and when someone like that will not change or be told, sometimes you have to change the people around you.

Before anyone says "Yeah but it's your mum", don't bother. Just because you bring someone into the world, doesn't give you the right to wreck anything that comes into thier life.

Been in a relationship for 8 years now and have not have had one problem, whilst every week i hear about what she's done to others.

Sorry but i had to put my foot down and i won't risk anything i have now for anyone.

CX.

reply to post by Indigo Starchild


My mother pulled stuff like this after I met my wife. She made numerous false accusations against my wife, and even me. About two months before our wedding my mother actually threatened me if I were to go through on getting married.

"There are things I can do to you that you wouldn't like," she said. I remember it like it was yesterday.

It didn't work, of course. Neither did anything else she tried to pull. Eventually, however, she just went too far. She just started to make things up. She was obsessed. She tried everything she could to break up my marriage. Nothing worked.

But I can only tolerate so much. I haven't spoken to her in almost three years. I hate it. However, I believe it to be the right decision. Nobody disrespects my wife like that, not even my mother. Even parents can cross the line. And my mother hurdled over it.

reply to post by Indigo Starchild


So mum wants you to always try and find a better girl.....Tell her you think you might be gay, that might give her some perspective.

Maybe she'll realise how naive and selfish she's been and find YOU a nice girl and will help keep you together.

reply to post by CX


I have to agree with that. Sometimes, it's not just who's womb you came from that makes a decent mother.
I don't think people who haven't experienced really nasty parenting can ever fully understand, and distancing himself was something I really tried to encourage while my ex and I were together. Obviously this was not something I hid, I told him he needed to stick up for himself, that he couldn't allow his family to treat him like he was a piece of ####.
They were the worst for blowing up over something, and then not talking to you for a few weeks. Then they'd ring out of the blue like nothing had happened, no apology or anything.

Living that way is a stress, and I feel so lucky and grateful that I was raised by a pretty liberal single mum.

Originally posted by Indigo Starchild
My mom used to make me tell her everything we did together and then spend hours screeching about what a "slut" she was.

Not to be rude or anything but this sounds very disturbing... What mother would want to hear about her son's sexual experiences? And then you say your mother is jealous of your girlfriends?

It sounds like you guys have a bizarre relationship, if not, sounds like your mother has some bizarre ideas about what the relationship SHOULD be between you two.

Again, I'm honestly not trying to be rude here, but with the limited info presented this popped out at me as being strange. I think you need to set some boundaries and tell her in no uncertain terms exactly what is appropriate and what is not. Tell her you will cease contact with her if such boundaries are not respected.

reply to post by James1982

Again, I'm honestly not trying to be rude here, but with the limited info presented this popped out at me as being strange. I think you need to set some boundaries and tell her in no uncertain terms exactly what is appropriate and what is not. Tell her you will cease contact with her if such boundaries are not respected.

If I was in that situation I would honestly just sit her down, and ask her, "Mom, do you want to be my girlfriend."

If you record it, it'd be a hit at family reunions...

Originally posted by nerbot
reply to post by Indigo Starchild

 

So mum wants you to always try and find a better girl.....Tell her you think you might be gay, that might give her some perspective.

Ahh now...that might be just what she always wanted...



It seems to be that the lady in question doesn't have so much a problem sharing, as sharing with another woman. A gay son may be the answer to her prayers...could go horribly, horribly wrong...

reply to post by Indigo Starchild


When it comes to psychopaths you have to put your own emotional attachments aside and realize what and who you are dealing with.

Your dealing with a selfish person that is intentionally causing you harm for her own perverse benefit.

She doesn't care about you at all, the fact she used a death threat to keep you in line should illustrate it.

You need to slowly, and carefully plan to move out. When your ready to move get her committed and get a no contact order + really good locks and fire detectors(these types of people, male or female, will and have in the past tried to murder people whom they felt abandoned them\ sought freedom away from).

Your not safe around her, if yous live together I suggest you sleep behind a locked door.

reply to post by Indigo Starchild

Your mom probably has made you into some sort of crutch, which can and is dangerous for both you and her. Tell her to get a hobby like gardening or something, and slowly cut her back from your life. But if she is actually doing all this, then she definitely needs to find other hobbies, other then bothering you that is.

Momas just helping you build the wall son.

Stuff like this ticks me off... But she's doing the father's role of protecting her son. You would need to stand up for yourself. Do what feels right. You do love your mom, but you need to have your own love life as well. It's your choice to decide on which girl you want to date or have a relationship with. Get your mom to get some serious help, before you need some too. Clearly your mom is interfering and putting a big damper on your personal life.

Some advice: Move out dude, and get her some help. Worry less about your mom and hopefully she can eventually worry less about you as you age. How old are you?

I don't mean to be coldhearted or harsh now, dude, but I feel this needs to be said.

Every person is responsible for their own lives. If somebody threatens to kill themselves if you leave, then they're responsible for their lives, not you. You're responsible for your life, and they are for theirs. I'm not telling you to tell your mom that - but you must not let threats of suicide hold you back from leaving her. In situations like that, I hate to say it, but it's her or you, dude. And self-sacrifice sucks.

Honestly, I'd get her committed.

reply to post by Indigo Starchild


Your mother is being controlled by either subliminal hypnosis, or non-local mind control to purposely sabotage your sexual relationships.

You are being targeted for "Genetic Destruction"

I.E. Your attempts at relationships will be attacked

OR

if you persist in relationships, you will probably be herded into a relationship with someone who doesn't want children.....


If you leave your mothers area of influence, this same trend will merely start again, with new people.

reply to post by Gauss

I don't mean to be coldhearted or harsh now, dude, but I feel this needs to be said.

Every person is responsible for their own lives.

1. send mum for psych evaluation due to suicide threats.
2. move out of house and cut the apron strings
3. tell
mum flat out its none of her concern who you date.

Bing! Bing! Bing!

There's your answer....