Blades of Grass [NATURE]

“Honey, when are you gonna get around to mowing that lawn? It’s getting kinda high out there.”

Her voice pierced the murky veil of my sleep and woke me with a start. The funky dream didn’t help matters either. Women just don’t seem to understand that men need some time to wind down after a long week at the factory doing hard, monotonous labor. Saturday was my day to kick back, watch the game on TV and catch up on a little sleep.

I cracked my eye open and saw that the game was still on. They were just getting to the 7th inning stretch. “I’ll look into it after the game is over, hon.” I rolled over on the couch and fell back to sleep.





“You know, that grass isn’t gonna mow itself.”

Her voice made me jump. How much time had gone by? Damn, the game was over, there goes my excuse.

“I let you sleep for an extra hour but, you better get started soon before it starts getting dark.”

I stood up and cracked my back. Note to self; get a more comfortable couch to sleep on when we have some extra money. Extra money; there was a funny idea. I hear that only exists in some murky urban legends. I’ve never seen any and I doubt I ever will. Got a better chance of seeing a unicorn…

I walked out to the back porch to survey the situation. The hose was still pulled out across the lawn and her garden tools were lying about on the lawn near her vegetable garden half way to the shed at the back of the yard where the lawnmower was kept. Great, not only do I have to mow the lawn, I also gotta clean up after her mess as well.

The lawn was looking a bit unruly but, it wasn’t too bad yet. I might be able to get away with letting it go just one more week.

“I think it looks OK for now. The best height for grass is 2 ½ to 3 inches, you know. It helps promote root growth to help keep the weeds away.” She just rolled her eyes but, didn’t press the issue.

It’s the truth you know, I'm not making this stuff up. Grass really does have an optimum height of about 3 inches. As grass grows, it expends much of its energy trying to get the blades large enough to absorb the proper amount of sunlight. When we keep cutting it back, it constantly expends all its energy trying to reach its optimum height. If we allow it to reach that height however, it begins to use more of its energy to expand its root base. Thicker, deeper roots crowd out the weeds and make the grass more hardy when dry weather comes along because it can get its water from deeper in the ground.

Anyway, she bought into it for now. Looks like I bought myself a reprieve for at least another week.

Time went by, another grueling week at work passed and the weekend was just round the corner but, I was brought down by a nagging sense of dread. She was gonna expect me to mow that lawn this weekend and I just didn’t want to do it. Spending my valuable time away from work doing even more work around the house just seemed so unfair somehow. Especially working on the lawn.

It didn’t always bother me. I used to enjoy my time communing with nature and looking after the property that I owned. Or at least I pretend that I own it. I had to write the bank a huge check every month to remind me who really owned it. Still, being outdoors in the sun and wind used to have a calming effect on me. Now, all I could see was a chore that must be avoided.

The weekend came and I curled up on the couch in front of the game. I promised her I would get to the lawn as soon as the game was over.

I woke with a start. That weird dream again. It was almost as if I was still inside the dream; colors were murky and the light seemed to waver on the walls in an unnatural way. Then I heard the loud BOOM and I realized what had woke me up. It looked like a nasty thunderstorm was passing through the area. The rain running down the windows cast strange shadows on the walls creating an unnatural feel.

“The weatherman says this storm system is gonna stick around for the whole weekend. I told you, you should have cut the grass last week. Now look how long it’s getting…”

I didn’t care; I had gotten out of it for another week. Who cares what the neighbors think? I sure didn’t. Most of them were jerks anyway; A bunch of idiots who scalped their lawns twice a week. Then they wondered why their yards were so full of weeds. I rolled over and went back to sleep. “Wake me up when dinner is ready OK?”

Another week went by but, this time we had to go to a wedding for one of her damned friends. Getting dressed up for a bunch of people I hardly know and eating rubber chicken normally wasn’t the way I liked to blow my weekend. I usually hated these things but, at least it got me out of cutting the lawn for another week. Just the thought of going out there made my heart skip a beat. It’s irrational, I know but, for some reason I just couldn’t stand the idea of going out there to cut the damn stuff.

Now it was getting really long and would be twice as hard to cut; one more reason to not look forward to the ordeal when I finally got time to take care of it. Procrastination had its advantages sometimes but, it often made the job more difficult when it finally came time to face the music.

The next weekend, I curled up on my usual spot on the couch, ready to watch the game again.

“You’re gonna get to the grass this week, right?”

“Sure hon, as soon as the game is over.”

What she didn’t know is that they were playing a double header this week. The last time they had faced this team, one of their games got rained out so they had to make it up this week. With any luck, the games would go long and it would be too late to get to the lawn when it was all over. Stratergey; it works every time.

Finally, I could avoid it no longer. It had gotten way out of control and the time had come when I must go out and tame the lawn.

Heavy rains and procrastination had taken their toll on the lawn. It was a beautiful dark green, like healthy grass is supposed to look with no weeds in sight. It was thick and rich and it had also grown up to about my thighs. Not good that last part there. I never should have let it go for so long; cutting grass back more than about a third could damage the plant, making it more susceptible to the sun and disease. I had no choice though; I had let it get way too far out of control.

I started out for the shed at the back of the yard. We used to keep the mower in the garage, where stuff like that is supposed to go but, the wife’s stupid yard sale crap had taken over long ago and I was forced to buy that shed to keep all the lawn care tools in. Our last kid had finally moved out last year and she was still trying to sell off their baby clothes and toys and stuff. It seemed like she never sold any of that crap and I suspected she was actually bringing home more garbage after her yard sale weekends. The worst part is that we live on a secluded street and she always had to load up my truck with all of that trash to take it to her friend’s house to have the yard sale. Somehow, I was the one who always had to load up all the stuff and unload it again. One of these days, I’m just gonna drive off with that crap and dump it all off at Goodwill or something…

The wind blew across the yard making the grass sway back and forth like an African savannah. "Wonder if there's any lions hiding in there?" I thought to my self jokingly as I walked across the lawn. It was the perfect day for such an undertaking; the sky was mostly clear with a few big, fat, puffy, white clouds slowly making their way across the sky. The temperature was damn near perfect; just a little bit hot but, with the occasional breeze to help cool you down. At least I had that going for me.

I had reached the half way part across the lawn when I started to notice it. On my legs, I kept feeling these light, stinging sensations that barely seemed to register on my consciousness. It felt like spider webs grabbing and dragging across my skin but, with a subtle prickling sensation. I didn't see any spider webs in the grass though and didn't pay it much mind at first. It actually felt kinda neat on my legs.

Then the sensation started to feel a bit sharper, a little more painful and I noticed something wet on my legs. I looked down and saw that there were dozens of small red lines crisscrossing my legs. Then I noticed the blood dripping out from some of the larger lines. Something had been making cuts into my legs as I had been walking. I didn't see any animals moving about in the grass and there didn't seem to be any unusual insect activity either.

Then I looked at the long, tall blades of grass. Surely, they couldn't get sharp enough to do all that. I held my hand out to touch one and felt a prick as my finger made contact. Sure enough, I had what looked like a nasty paper cut on my finger and I had barely just grazed it. I guess I picked a bad day to wear shorts.

I looked around me; I had gotten past the half way point in the yard, just past where my wife kept her garden. I was gonna have to go through a lot of that grass to get out of this, no matter which way I went. I decided to try to make it to the garden to see if there was anything there I could use to protect my legs.

Suddenly, another cool summer breeze swept across the yard. Normally, it would feel refreshing but, it set the blades of grass to swaying and each time one touched my legs, it opened up another painful cut. I tried walking slowly but, the grass was digging in deeper into my skin now, leaving painful cuts everywhere. I decided to make a break for it and started running to the safety of the garden. The blades seemed to be getting thicker and stiffer, digging in ever deeper into the exposed skin of my legs. I started to feel a bit lightheaded from the blood loss but, I was getting so close to that garden. A couple of more steps and I would be out of this mess.

Then, I felt something grab on to my ankle from deep inside the grass. It felt like a snake or something had wrapped around my ankle and was trying to prevent me from getting outside the grass. I doubled my efforts to get to safety but suddenly, I felt a big jerk on the thing holding my foot and lost my balance. I started falling towards the sharp, pointy blades of grass that seemed to have taken on the aspect of real blades. I turned my back into the fall to prevent damage to my face and neck but I could feel the blades penetrating into my legs, then my back and finally into the back of my head.

I screamed out in terror, knowing that this was the end for me.

I sat bolt upright in bed. I was covered in sweat and my pulse was pounding in my ears. I was sure I had called out this time but, she was sleeping soundly beside me like nothing had happened. That Goddamn dream again. I had been having it off and on for the past few weeks and now, it seemed to be occurring more often. What I couldn’t figure out is; if I kept having the same dream over and over, why didn’t I figure out what was coming at the BEGINNING of the dream and just stay the Hell off the damn lawn? I guess you never learn in your dreams. History really is destined to repeat itself.

That was the reason I didn’t want to mow the lawn. It wasn’t just laziness that caused me to shun this chore (although, that did play a part, I admit). The dreams had created an irrational fear of mowing the lawn in me. At first, it reinforced my laziness but now, it seems to have taken over. I can’t even think about mowing that lawn without breaking out in a cold sweat.

I got up from the bed to go to the bathroom, passing a little gas as I stood. “ew.” I turned around and saw her waving her hand back and forth with her eyes still closed, trying to fan away the smell. Typical; she sleeps through me screaming in my nightmares but, can wake up just enough to fan away the stink when I fart. I made sure to let out another burst as I passed by her side of the bed.

I went into the bathroom and splashed some water on my face, trying to calm down after that damned dream. This was starting to get ridiculous! Who the hell is afraid of their own lawn? I had been putting this off for weeks and now, my home looked like some abandoned foreclosure house. People were starting to talk; they were referring to my yard as “The Serengeti”.

I resolved that I was going to take care of this, once and for all, tomorrow. I would call out sick from work, go to Home Depot and rent one of those giant weedwackers on wheels that they used to cut the really tall grass and chop that forest down! That’s it. I’m doing it tomorrow, no excuses and no turning back.





“Well it’s about time you got serious about this” she said as I unloaded the Swisher Trimmer Lawn Mower® from the back of my truck. “yeah, I think this’ll do the trick. It should cut down the big stuff enough so I can mow it nice and neat with the regular mower. I even picked up some yard bags to pick up all of the grass when I’m done.”

“Well, you have fun with that.” She said as she turned to go back inside the house. Typical; she never even though of offering to help. Then she wonders why I don’t offer to help clean up around the house anymore.

All in all the day was going fine; I hadn’t experienced any of the anxiety I had usually been experiencing when faced with the prospect of mowing that lawn and now, it looked like even the weather was ready to cooperate. It was sunny with a steady, calming breeze and only a few light, fluffy, white clouds up in the sky. You couldn’t ask for better conditions than this.

I rolled the Swisher Trimmer® to the back of the driveway and prepared to tear into that damn lawn. By God, I was gonna overcome this fear and kick its ass!

I yanked on the pull rope and nothing happened, not even a sputter. I tried adjusting the choke and gave it another go. Nothing, just great. I hope I don’t have to drag this thing all the way back to Home Depot and get another one, that is if they even have another one laying around.

I decided to give it a quick look over to see if I could figure out what was wrong. Everything looked in good condition until I opened the gas tank. Empty, of course. Why should I expect it to come with gas after all I had paid out to rent the thing for the day? Typical cheap bastards.

I had a full gas can out in the shed, next to my mower. All the way in the very back of the yard behind all of that waist-high grass…





“It’s OK, I can handle this.” I said as sweat started to break out on my brow. I took a few steps toward the grass and immediately felt my blood start pounding in my ears. “It’s just some stupid grass you asshole, there is NOTHING to be afraid of” I told myself. I didn’t sound too convincing though. My voice began to waver.

“I can do this.” Real grass doesn’t cut people and besides, I had worn my long pants just in case. I put my hand out gingerly and brushed it across the tops of the blades of grass. It bent over gently, the way real grass is supposed to do. “See, it’s just normal grass nothing to worry about. Now get out there, grab that gas can and let’s get this over with.” My voice sounded a little more steady now. Just a little bit but, it was an improvement.

I started to walk into the grass and immediately felt my breath catch in my throat. I made an effort to take a few deep breaths and took a few more steps into the lawn. By now, I was sweating bullets and my hands were starting to shake but, the grass was definitely regular normal grass, not the lawn from my nightmares. If I could just keep going, I would be able to cut it down to size and take back my life from this irrational fear.

A few more steps, a few more deep breaths. I was making my way to the back of the yard, a few steps at a time. I wasn’t exactly kicking this fear in the ass but, I was making progress toward overcoming it and a smile spread across my face. I was past the half way point, just past the wife’s garden, almost to my goal when it happened.

Suddenly, out of nowhere a huge, grey cloud floated across the sky and covered the Sun. The world took on a surreal cast with everything appearing in gloomy shades of blues and grays. A strong breeze whipped up and set the grass to swaying back and forth in menacing fashion. The normal sounds of summertime ceased. No birds were singing no cicadas were chittering. The gnats that seemed to be always present whenever you set foot outside were even mysteriously absent. It was a quiet you could cut with a knife.

I looked around and realized that I was in the exact same spot as where the grass always started cutting me in my dreams. I was soaked in sweat by this point and my mouth started feeling parched. My hands were shaking badly and I was having trouble keeping my breath. I was afraid I might begin to hyperventilate and pass out.

The grass was swaying back and forth in the gloomy grayness. I could feel myself beginning to lose control but, there was nothing I could do about it. I tried taking a deep breath but it got caught in my throat. I felt like the world was closing in around me and I knew I had to get out of there. At least I had to get out of the grass and try to compose myself before going any further.

I began moving toward the garden but, with every step I took, it seemed to only get further away. I began to run in my panic screaming “Help! Get it away from me! Make it stop, make it stop!”

Then, I felt something catch my foot. It wrapped around it and I couldn’t get it loose, no matter how much I tried to kick it away from me. “Let me go! Help!” I shouted. I was still trying to run while fighting to disentangle myself from whatever it was under the grass trying to hold me back. I lost my balance and began to fall backwards. This was just like in my dream! I was going to be torn apart by the grass and there was nothing I could do about it.

“NOOoooo” I shouted.





“I’m not buying it.” Said the deputy shaking his head at the coroner’s inquest. “It just doesn’t make any sense.”

“What part of accidental death don’t you understand?” asked the detective shifting in his chair to look at the deputy.

“I was the first one on the scene when this happened. I saw the look of terror on that poor guy’s face. All of the neighbors heard him shouting for help before it happened and there’s no freakin way that could have penetrated the back of his skull from a fall of just a few feet. The wife must have killed him.”

“You wanna fill out all the paperwork involved in a homicide investigation? Be my guest.” said the detective, throwing a thick sheaf of paperwork toward the deputy. “The neighbors saw the wife come out of the house after the incident and there were no signs of anyone else being in that yard before the body was found. Case closed and thank God. I hate doing paperwork and besides, the wife was obviously distraught.”

“Seriously, a cultivating rake just happened to be laying on the ground under all that grass with the points facing up and that guy just happened to get his feet tangled in the garden hose left strewn across the yard and he just happened to fall down in the exactly right place to have that rake penetrate his skull and sever the spinal cord. You mean to tell me you buy that load of hoo-ha?”

“Honestly, I really don’t give a damn. The coroner has handed down his decision and who the Hell am I to question it? I’m a nobody with no fancy medical diploma hanging on my wall, and so are you. Rome has spoken, now get over it.”

“I still think there’s more to this story than meets the eye.” “

“Aren’t there some tickets out there somewhere you should be writing?” The deputy grumbled something under his breath as he went back out on patrol and the detective went back to working on his crosswords.

“Kids these days, there’s no pleasing ‘em”

I'm still chuckling, even after flagging and starring. Very clever, and "pointed". Never wait to mow the yard.

The second moral of the story would be, always listen to your nagging wife.

That was such a cute story, it was too funny

S&F

This song pretty much sums up the whole thread:

reply to post by FortAnthem


And,,
if u soak it in Beer first,,,,,it will always come up,,,



half/cut "

then she hit him

reply to post by FortAnthem


i never laughed so hard in a long time,,
yhnks ,
i thought it was going too be a Garden Hose he ''forgot too put away,, lol/

Too funny. I spit my drink out when I read "Wonder if there's any lions hiding in there?".

Brilliant!

Glad everybody's enjoying the story. I had this Idea kicking around in my head for years now. I was planning on writing it if they had another Halloween horror contest again this year but couldn't resist when I saw this NATURE story contest. This story fits in much better during the summertime anyway IMHO.

What does everybody think about the storyline; Do you think the dream predicted his death or was it the cause of it?

reply to post by FortAnthem


The dream was a premonition of his death, and he didn't realize he had latent psychic abilities.
Unfortunately for him, instead on hiring someone to mow, he embraced his destiny and let the premonition occur.

Too bad there won't be a next time to learn from his mistake.

Originally posted by Druid42
reply to post by FortAnthem

 

The dream was a premonition of his death, and he didn't realize he had latent psychic abilities.
Unfortunately for him, instead on hiring someone to mow, he embraced his destiny and let the premonition occur.

Too bad there won't be a next time to learn from his mistake.

Its exactly like he said after waking up from his dream:

What I couldn’t figure out is; if I kept having the same dream over and over, why didn’t I figure out what was coming at the BEGINNING of the dream and just stay the Hell off the damn lawn? I guess you never learn in your dreams. History really is destined to repeat itself.

If his dream self couldn't learn from experience, I guess his real self didn't have a chance.

reply to post by FortAnthem


But his dream self and real self were incorporated into the same body. Are you inferring the casualty of free will doesn't exist, and no matter what, he would still meet his demise?

reply to post by Druid42


I think its more along the lines of "stupid is as stupid does."

The ability of the human mind to fool itself into thinking that, even though something bad happened to every other guy when he tried something, when they do it, all will turn out OK because fate couldn't possibly be that cruel to ME.

People are convinced they lead charmed lives and that, while misfortune hits others, it can never happen to them. TPTB are counting on this tendency. They keep us divided against one another over petty differences. They know that when they crack down on one group, the other side will cheer as their ideological adversaries are hauled away to the camps. Then they'll come for the next fringe group and they will cheer again. And then the next fringe group and the next after that. Soon enough, it will be your own fringe group they are coming for.

Just like the old saying goes;

First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak out for me.

Wiki

People are stupid creatures and will swear up and down that nothing bad is ever going to happen to them, even when there are warning signs screaming in their faces. Everybody thinks they will find a way to get by when TSHTF. Horrible things happen to other people, not me. The ones who take their survival for granted and don't make preparations will make nice snacks for the ones who did prepare for hard times or who saw the warning signs and took action to protect themselves.

reply to post by FortAnthem


So then your story is more about how slothfullness will more lead to your demise, rather than about how dreams do come true.

If the lazy bum would've just mowed the lawn, he would've spotted the garden hose before the grass was too tall, and the rake as well.

It was an excellent story, merely by the fact that I can read so much into it. The best stories keep you thinking.

reply to post by FortAnthem


So then your story is more about how slothfullness will more lead to your demise, rather than about how dreams do come true.

If the lazy bum would've just mowed the lawn, he would've spotted the garden hose before the grass was too tall, and the rake as well.

It was an excellent story, merely by the fact that I can read so much into it. The best stories keep you thinking.

Originally posted by Druid42
reply to post by FortAnthem

 

So then your story is more about how slothfullness will more lead to your demise, rather than about how dreams do come true.

Maybe the moral of the story should be; Don't pray for your all of dreams to come true. When they do, fate will probably choose one of your nightmares.

That would be just my luck.

Lawns are one of the most intensive and time consuming areas of maintenance in a garden, but the rewards of a well kept lawn are great. City governments absolutely have the right to tell a person how to maintain their own house. For instance, house owners could be fined for not mowing the lawn. Homeowners should avoid not mowing the lawn fines because not mowing the lawn can result in heavy fines, even jail time.

reply to post by remieB


I thought it was only home owner's associations that fined people for unkept lawns.

Keeping up with the lawn care IS important but, I don't think I like the idea of big government enforcing the standards. Like I said in the story, the optimum height for grass is 2 1/2" to 3" because this promotes root growth to crowd out weeds and can prevent the need for chemicals to keep one's yard weed free.

Most HOAs won't let members grow their lawns anywhere near that high. Many require members to scalp their lawns which actually promotes weed growth, harms the grass and makes it necessary to use chemicals on your lawn to keep weeds away.

People should be allowed to keep their lawn at whatever lenght they think is appropriate.


This, on the other hand is good to see.

Foreclosure epidemic a battle for cities

Cities are also struggling with bank-owned homes that aren’t being maintained after the properties fall into foreclosure. For instance, US Bank, according to the New York Daily News, owes the city of New York more than $40,000 in fines for not keeping properties it holds up to regulation. The city of San Diego, according to the Huffington Post, is being urged by citizens to fine banks up to $1,000 per day if they don’t maintain foreclosure properties.

Source

Thak that banksters!

reply to post by FortAnthem


SnF

Your story is a great example on how our fears manifest itself. had the guy just played it cool and not reacted to the fear, he could have just lived through it.

Good post, it also made me realize a pattern in life.

Very enjoyable story and a lot of tension; we don't know if you're going to pull our legs or what fate will befall our reluctant protagonist. When I have to fight myself to skip ahead, I know I'm in the clutches of an engaging story.

One has to assume that the grieving wife, knowing full well her husband's nightmares (which is why she never seemed to respond to them), and his procrastination, somehow set the scene and set this whole thing into motion, just biding her time, until the snare was tripped..... after all, you give us plenty of clues that it wasn't a mutually-enjoyable union..


Good job, good read!

Originally posted by argentus


One has to assume that the grieving wife, knowing full well her husband's nightmares (which is why she never seemed to respond to them), and his procrastination, somehow set the scene and set this whole thing into motion, just biding her time, until the snare was tripped..... after all, you give us plenty of clues that it wasn't a mutually-enjoyable union..

I love who everybody seems to come out with a different take on this story. You are the first to think that the wife actually had something to do with the death, as if she could predict him falling on that rake after the grass grew that high.

Then again, maybe she's psychic (or even a witch) and projected those dreams into his head in order to fulfill her sinister plan. I never even though of that while writing it.

BTW, I was using my own marriage as a blueprint for the characters. Most of the the protagonist's gripes about his wife are the same as my own. Although, I wouldn't characterize my marriage as un-enjoyable; after 13 years of marriage our greatest joy is found in discovering new ways to get on each others nerves.

Our marriage has never been more fun than it is at this stage in our lives.