reply to post by Silverkiss
I was contacted by my biological mother in my twenties. It brought up a lot of issues, just like you have mentioned: how will my family (adoptive)
feel about this?, who are these people and why now?, how do I feel about having a mystery "family" of half-siblings, etc.? what are their and my
expectations regarding all of this?
I went ahead with contact, as it was under emergency circumstances (serious illness/surgery) which my birth-mother survived, but at the time of
contact, it was dicey.
Well, from my birth-mother's perspective, it was not "abandonment," her story helped me understand more what happened, and that she felt alone and
unable to care for me. I have gone through all kinds of emotional ups and downs over it, but I'm a grown up, and understand!
For her, it was like I was "MIA" and she was tortured soon after by the thought of giving me up. She searched for years with no luck. She found
someone I knew from my home town and thought for awhile that this other adoptee might be me, only to have both of them disappointed. I thought to
myself later, that this is how I would have responded to having to give up a child for adoption in similar circumstances - I gained empathy.
So. Long story short. My parent's fears were that 1) they would be of low character or try to take advantage of me emotionally or otherwise, and
they naturally felt protective, 2) that I would naturally "like" my birth-parents better than I liked them (i.e. have more in common somehow) and
that would hurt them.
It was tough, but I am friends with both my birth mother and birth father, and have met one of my half-siblings. I now have answers to medical
history, genetic "roots" (which is really nice), and their family histories, as well as a good relationship to boot. I also got to see people that
looked like me for the first time in my life, which was good and weird at the same time.
If you want advice, then I would say to follow your heart, take only what risks seem reasonable and warranted, emotionally or otherwise, check them
out ahead of time, and work to reassure your real parents (the ones that raised you) you are their own.
peace and good luck!