Mastrubation is un-American.

www.whitehouse.org...

I can't stop laughing.

Masturbation is more dangerous than atheism. Doctors of a generation ago knew this, but over the course of recent Democratic administrations, and their prevailing philosophy of "if it feels good, do it" - this problem has spiralled out of control.
Myth: Masturbation is harmless.
Reality: Medical science proves that chronic masturbation causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness.

Myth: There are bigger problems than masturbation, like drugs and AIDS.
Reality: Experts estimate that there are at least 150,000 Americans masturbating RIGHT NOW! Masturbation costs American businesses at least $3.14 billion in lost productivity every month!

Myth: Masturbation is not immoral.
Reality: Read your Bible. God was so offended when Onan spilled his seed upon the ground that God struck Onan dead! It is true that Onan wasn't masturbating, but the point is that God hates it when men waste sperm, no matter what the reason.

Myth: Masturbation is a "Victimless Crime."
Reality: Theological experts on masturbation have come to the conclusion that masturbation is what is known as a "gateway" sin. This means that masturbation leads to more serious offenses. In fact, practically all rapists, Sodomites, child molesters and pornography addicts started out as Masturbators.

Myth: Americans value their "Freedom" and will never stand for masturbation being outlawed.
Reality: Masturbatory devices are already illegal in President Bush's home state Texas. The police in San Antonio and Austin have aggressively enforced this law.

Myth: But everyone's doing it!
Reality: Surveys have repeatedly shown that up to 5% of Americans don't masturbate.

Screw the war; Bush has gone to far, he must be stop, at once !!!

Deep

That was funny. .

This was so hillarious. It's on the " advice for parents " section.

ACNE: Does your teenager have acne? Masturbation often leads to excessive hormone production, which is the primary cause of acne. Very few teenagers who don't masturbate have acne.
DEPRESSION: Is your teenager depressed? If a teenager acts sullen, withdrawn or unhappy - the most likely cause is chronic masturbation.
DESIRE FOR PRIVACY: Does your child lock his or her bedroom door? It is not healthy for a teen to want privacy. Chances are he or she is in there masturbating!
"ROCK" MUSIC: Does your child listen to "Rock And Roll" music? If a teenager has rebelled against God far enough to listen to the Devil's music, then he or she has almost certainly rebelled enough to try masturbation.
BOY JUICES: Are there semen stains on your son's bed sheets or underwear? There's only one way they could have been deposited there! Line up all of your sons at least twice a day for a family prayer meeting and underwear check!
IDEALISM: Does your teenager have Liberal or otherwise idealistic political opinions? The weakness of mind brought on by self-abuse often leads to left-wing sympathies.
FADDISM: Does your child wear fashionable clothing or hairstyles? If your child can't resist the peer pressure to look a certain way, he or she probably can't resist the peer pressure to masturbate, either.
DENIAL: Does your child look guilty or deny masturbating? Very few teenaged masturbators will openly admit to their sickness!
EVIDENCE: Have you caught your child masturbating? If you walk into your son's bedroom without knocking and he's in there with his pants down holding his erect penis, he's probably masturbating.

Deep

So should masterbation be a felony or a mast, er I mean misdemeanor?

I think we'll just have to have a mass debate about this subject.

Official band of this thread..........The Strokes.

Man... if this # is on your official government website, you really gotta start wondering where your country is going...

I mean, sure theres better ways to get off and better things to do with your time... but every so often if you dont let your load out i'm sure your nuts would explode! (at least it feels that way)

I'd write more but I can't stop laughing

Does your teenager have Liberal or otherwise idealistic political opinions? The weakness of mind brought on by self-abuse often leads to left-wing sympathies.

Self-abuse? Weakness in the mind? Left wing sympathies? This is utter madness. Might start going to this site more often, funniest thing on the net....at the same time it is pretty scary though to.

Originally posted by specialasianX
Man... if this # is on your official government website, you really gotta start wondering where your country is going...

Official site is www.whitehouse.gov, not .org.

Funniest term ever "Boy Juices", disturbing and a bit gay to say yet funny.

Myth: But everyone's doing it!
Reality: Surveys have repeatedly shown that up to 5% of Americans don't masturbate.

Would that percentage consist of those individuals under the age of 8 or over the age of 90 without access to Viagra?

You fail to mention that this is some sort of whacko fundamentalist website, and not THE OFFICIAL website of the white House. You see

www.whitehouse.com = Porn

www.whitehouse.org = whacko fundamentalists

www.whitehouse.gov = Official Governement Site


I bet if you searched that site a little more, you'd find out the world is 5000 years old, God hates gays, and the King James Version was used by Jesus Christ himself! They're just a bunch of nuts...

Get the facts straight before you bash Bush on this(Perhaps if you bashed a bush more often you wouldn't be so ticked off by that topic...lol).

[Edited on 9/30/2004 by soulforge]

[edit on 9/30/2004 by soulforge]

oh no.. we are all going to be deported... but to where?

Originally posted by soulforge
You fail to mention that this is some sort of whacko fundamentalist website, and not THE OFFICIAL website of the white House. You see

www.whitehouse.com = Porn

www.whitehouse.org = whacko fundamentalists

www.whitehouse.gov = Official Governement Site


I bet if you searched that site a little more, you'd find out the world is 5000 years old, God hates gays, and the King James Version was used by Jesus Christ himself! They're just a bunch of nuts...

Get the facts straight before you bash Bush on this(Perhaps if you bashed a bush more often you wouldn't be so ticked off by that topic...lol).

lmao...can't even have a joke without some bush-hugger showing up to ruin the day...I think you've misjudged the atmosphere of this thread soulforge...

As for me - you can go ahead and kill me! A life without masturbation is not worth living for

Originally posted by JediMaster
Funniest term ever "Boy Juices", disturbing and a bit gay to say yet funny.

Boy Juices? WTF?!?!

"if sperm is worth money, then i have a towel in my closet worth 250,000 dollars" - some comidian i saw on comedy central. gee hee. so THIS is the cause of my depression! son of a bithc i knew it! :-P

I can't wait until I see the "Re-education" facilities and the courses.

Men in a room in chairs with electric cables on their balls, being forced to watch porn. Each stroke results in a couple hundred volts. Ouch .

thats really painful. you should be shot for even bringing that up!

I doubt masturbation causes depression... man when i'm feeling down, a good slap on the sausage usually brightens things up...

I think the depression is caused because people are masturbating and not doing anything else... like chicks.

I didnt realise this was not an official goverment site... still funny though...

just realized its a satire site and now feels quite dumb. though i mean unless one knew in advance they just might think those guys were serious.

[Edited on 2004-10-1 by NuTroll]