posted on Apr, 21 2012 @ 06:10 PM
Originally posted by silent thunder
reply to post by SwissMarked
IT is admirable that you view marriage as sacred, but she would use this against you.
I don't think the Creator would hold it against you for cutting this one loose.
It's an altogether horrible situation that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy or even those enabling her that only know the "woe is me he's a
monster" side of the story...
I'd written a book about it that came in a little over 50,000 words... then deleted it all because I didn't want to throw her under the bus... it's
not as though I couldn't write an even better and longer version if I chose... but at this point if we are heading for divorce I really don't want
her profiting in the least from all the pain she's caused me and my daughter and continues to on a daily basis and most likely will for the
There are two books that bring me comfort (at times) in the Bible more than any other and I suppose it's because I relate to them so well... those of
course being Job and Hosea...
While I believe in my heart of hearts that God would forgive me for walking away from her I don't want to see her continue down the path she's been
because it's not so much a path as it is a spiral that she for whatever reason (anosognosia?) can't see she's stuck in...
It's difficult trying to balance the "forgiveness" parts of the Bible and the "do onto others" aspects as well as the "for better or worse, in
sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, til death do you part" with just wanting to wake up in the morning and feel some semblance of happiness
for myself after 9 years of hell, 10 years of marriage, and 11 years of a relationship...
I just know that if I had the issues she has... and I was constantly making the reckless and irresponsible decisions she is I would want her to stand
by me and see me through the storm... so even though she's the one that abandoned me... is from what I'm hearing sleeping with both of the guys that
live in the house she moved into along with her employee... I for whatever reason don't want to stop throwing her a lifeline even though 9,999 times
out of 10,000 I know she's going to toss it to the side just to spite herself...
She needs help... I know that I can't help her or convince her to get help because I've tried every way I possibly can to get it for her... I can
only pray that eventually God will send her an undeniable sign... something that she won't be able to doubt... something she won't be able to chalk
up to "coincidence"... something she won't be able to ignore even if she tries her hardest to remain intentionally ignorant...
I see signs all day every day that I should continue putting up the Good fight... maybe I am looking absurdly hard to see them as some have pointed
out... but as I've said... all I know is that if I was throwing away my life with reckless abandon... tossing away everything good I'd ever had in
my entire life... alienating my child to the point that she no longer wants to even hear my name... I would hope someone would jump in and slam on the
brakes to stop the slow motion car wreck that my life would be...
I can only pray someone more qualified than I will do it for her... because God knows I've tried and failed miserably at every turn...