forgiveness: how do you do it?

I would say that it is never easy to "just let it go". It seems that frequently people believe they have let things go only for them to arise again at some future time to disturb the mind again.

I forgive those "nasty people" simply for my own peace of mind. It is not for their benefit, nor absolution. Those people have done what they did ignorantly, disregarding whether they did it on purpose or not.

Another reason is that any incident from the past firmly resides there. If I drag that bag into my present, then I get lost for those moments and it sort of side tracks me in a negative way.

So for me, practicing forgiveness is about taking care of myself and not about aiding, abetting or enabling the poor actions and choices of other people. So I actually have to think it through rather than simply "letting it go", what ever that really means...

The love that you withhold is the pain that you will carry lifetime after lifetime - morenae via alex collier

Forgiveness is overrated.

Some things are perhaps beyond forgiving.

There are cold people out there who will exploit forgiveness and use it to manipulate and hurt you again.

If somebody has done you a serious wrong, I don't think you owe them forgiveness. You do have to come to peace with yourself, somehow, and your feelings, however. Its not easy. At least for me.

Originally posted by silent thunder
Forgiveness is overrated.

Some things are perhaps beyond forgiving.

There are cold people out there who will exploit forgiveness and use it to manipulate and hurt you again.

If somebody has done you a serious wrong, I don't think you owe them forgiveness. You do have to come to peace with yourself, somehow, and your feelings, however. Its not easy. At least for me.

edit on 4/21/2012 by silent thunder because: (no reason given)

I don't think that forgiveness is over rated. But I do agree that there are some things to which forgiveness does not apply. A few of them are mentioned above.


Actually, what we are touching on here are theories about praise and blame, and the penumbra of cases that apply.

reply to post by LightsideAssassin


When I am wronged, as I see it, I try to see the situation through the others eyes.

If I am unable to do this because maybe I don't know them well enough, I think of the worse, most callous thing I have ever done.

At times I realise that I did many things that caused others hurt maybe in the past. If the person I am holding a grudge against is at the same place now that I was when I did something I regret, then at some point they will be at the same point I am now. I forgive the person they will become and hope they can forgive themselves.

Just because you forgive someone, does not mean that you allow them to continue that behaviour. If they can not treat you better there is no reason to want them in your life and you can let them go without carrying any bitterness with you.

Hope that is intelligible/helps.

Originally posted by JibbyJedi
reply to post by lonewolf19792000

 

"Just let it go" doesn't apply to all situations. For example....

BANG..."Ha ha I just shot your stupid kid cutting through my yard, what you gonna do about it?"
You - :That's not what Jesus would do.... but I'm gonna let it go, forgiveness is best."

Really?

People have distroyed their lives and contaminated the happiness of family members just because of such response. Beieve it or not, finding peace with what had happened is difficult but best for yourself and everybody who loves you and is dear to you. I agree, finding that peace in your heart or state of mind is tricky and can take a long time.

Originally posted by silent thunder
Forgiveness is overrated.

Some things are perhaps beyond forgiving.

There are cold people out there who will exploit forgiveness and use it to manipulate and hurt you again.

If somebody has done you a serious wrong, I don't think you owe them forgiveness. You do have to come to peace with yourself, somehow, and your feelings, however. Its not easy. At least for me.

edit on 4/21/2012 by silent thunder because: (no reason given)

That's true. Who needs forgiveness, when you've got a car door?

I saw this story and thought about this thread. I hope this lady's story helps you.

The Devil in Pew Number 7

www.cbn.com.../vod/WGR106v2_WS

Letting go by making the issue smaller and smaller, until they disappear. So too the people who have done you wrong will disappear.

Forgiveness is just not the answer to everything... And surely it's not for everyone!
If you care about something and it is violated and you still care then it's even not productive to forgive since you will be the weak one in the situation (according to the offender and 90% of the others) igniting a cycle of offences that won't be beneficial to your evolution (in a time schedule term-ever heard about bullying?).
If you are careless it's just the same, since you don't care the offence will just be repeated over and over until a new one is created just to test if you care about that...
You have to be assertive about what you want in life... and only if it isn't respect or safety for you and your loved ones that you want, you should prepare to become budda-jesus like in forgiving

reply to post by LightsideAssassin


just don't take yourself so seriously. Accept that nothing perfect is perfect for being without flaw. Perfection is self defined and case specific. Usually we cannot forgive because the track record is tarnished or stained. The image of perfection falls short for a couple who fight, cheat on each other and yet still love each other. It falls short of the father who is sent to jail because his son told the authorities his political views during a civil war, yet both would forgive each other and continue to love each other.

Perfection is the love that bonds us. Perfect love that can overcome all. Learn to find that love in others. Learn to love humanity and all mankind for its beautiful diversity and complex cultures. It is a thing of beauty. We are not perfect but we are a miracle. From our inception to our prolonged existence. It is all a miracle. Enjoy it and celebrate it with your fellow man. Learn from everyone and accept them as they are.

After you are at peace with mankind's imperfections, his virtues become self evident and forgiveness is just another step in the road together. Love your fellow man regardless of his station in life, his race or his culture. Love him so that he may love you back.

Forgiveness is awesome because it lets you forgive yourself. We are as one. Forgive by the unity of our creation and our common ground as mortals, earthlings, imperfect beings, and people of this good earth.

I love you bro. I forgive you for whatever you may have done as long as you are sorry. I can't if you are not. I simply don't care then. When you are sorry I start to care. I forgive you because I would want to be forgiven while in remorse.

I really appreciate the responses..what I've decided to do is, separate the ideas of forgiveness and reconciliation with those who violated. I can forgive and still keep those worthless pieces of # out of my life, plus, be very proactive ^^ in preventing further negative actions by others, and to not let their actions have such an effect on me, mostly by setting stronger boundaries, and whuppin' some ass when necessary