The Secret to Meeting Women

I'm not sure if this is put into correct context, but I downloaded this freely from a dating website, it was publicly available.

It gives some great clues in my opinion on the workings of women and the single man.

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Ok Read Below:

What Women HATE Most About Single Guys

By David DeAngelo, Author Of �Double Your Dating�

If you listen to a group of attractive, single women talking alone over dinner or drinks, the topic will always turn to MEN.

And in most cases, it will eventually turn into a RANT session about how hard it is to find good men to date...

Which will lead to a FULL-ON RAG SESSION about men in general...

...And wind up with a detailed list of all the traits guys have that are ANNOYING AS HELL.

The reality is that single women have an entire laundry list of traits, qualities, and characteristics that they HATE in single guys.

Did you know this?

I didn't think so.

Well, the truth is that up until a few years ago, I didn't know this either.

So take heart in the idea that you're about to learn something that most men on this planet will DIE not knowing.

My hope is that what I'm about to share with you will change how you interact with women FOREVER... and help you meet and date more of the kinds of women you're interested in.

Onward.


FRIENDSHIPS AND ROMANCE

For women, friendships and romantic relationships are two separate things. They are NOT the same.

One can lead to another, but it's RARE when it happens.

Remember that.

One CAN lead to another, but it's RARE.

"Romantic" relationships are very different from "friend" relationships.

While most men would sleep with most of their female "friends" if the woman "came on" to them, most women would NOT sleep with most men that they consider "just friends".

But why is this?

How do women differentiate between "just friends" and "I'll be intimate with you"?

And why is it so hard to become "more than friends" with a woman you've been "just friends" with for a long time?

The answer to this riddle is very interesting to me.

I believe that the answer comes down to understanding HOW women "know" when they want to "be intimate" with a man... and, even MORE importantly, understanding how women "know" when they DON'T want to "be intimate" with a man...

The thing that tells a woman whether the guy she's with is "friend" material or "lover" material is how she FEELS.

It's a combination of EMOTIONAL feelings and PHYSICAL feelings.

It is NOT logic.

She might USE logic to "rationalize" her decision... or she might USE logic to SOUND like she has a good reason for either "being with" or "not being with" a particular guy.

But don't let that distract you.

Logic isn't important AT ALL in this context.

So let me say this another way.

A woman FEELS something emotionally and/or physically, then she uses those FEELINGS as the basis for her "decisions" and actions with a particular guy.

If she feels that "Ewwww Yuck!" feeling, then her "logical" conclusion will probably not be that she wants to date the guy in question.

If she feels that "It's Gettin' Hot In Here" feeling, then her "logical" conclusion will probably be that this guy is interesting and attractive, and a good "choice" to date. At this point she'll take ACTION on her feelings and thoughts...

It goes like this:

FEEL--->THINK--->ACT

First the FEELING, then the THOUGHT... and THEN the action.

Now, with this in mind, let me ask you an important question:

How do most guys behave around women that they're "romantically" interested in?

And another:

What do they do to get the woman that's the object of their desires to be with them?

Take a few minutes to think about this. Make a list if you have paper and pen handy.

I'm serious. I'll wait.

Come back when you're finished.

Now take a look at your list.

I'll bet that almost every single thing on your list was something "external".

In other words, your list probably contains things like "Take her to dinner" and "Give her compliments" and "Buy her flowers" and "Call her often".

These are all things that demonstrate that he's INTERESTED.

They are NOT things that trigger those emotional and physical feelings inside of a woman that tell her that THIS IS THE GUY.

In other words, men try to use "props" to LET A WOMAN KNOW HE'S INTERESTED...

...HOPING that when the woman sees these displays she'll be interested in him.

Almost NONE of the things men do to court women make women FEEL ANYTHING even remotely similar to "Attraction" and "Arousal".

Of course, you know this.

You've probably done this stuff about a bazillion times. I have, too. I know what it's like to try OVER AND OVER to let a particular woman know that I'm interested... only to have her NOT RESPOND in a "romantic" way.

The PROBLEM with this kind of thing is that it makes TWO HUGE MISTAKES at once.

First, it's just the plain-old wrong way to go. Telling or showing a woman that you "like her" has no effect on how she feels about YOU.

In the moment it sure seems to make sense... "If I show her how I feel, she'll return the feelings".

Duh.

Like I said, it seems like the right thing to do in the moment (when your inner little girl has a big fat crush). But it's not... it will have NO effect on her feelings for you.

And second, it communicates clearly that YOU DON'T GET IT. It tips a woman off INSTANTLY that you're not hip to what's going... and it kills your chances with her.

Say what?

You mean that doing nice things for women, and trying to show how you feel can actually HURT your chances with a woman?

Yea, it can.

Look, if you've been dating a woman exclusively for six months, and her birthday comes... it's OK to buy her a gift and tell her that you like spending time with her.

YOU'RE ALREADY IN A RELATIONSHIP.

But if you've known a woman for six DAYS and you try this kind of thing, you're going to shoot yourself in the foot.

Women are EXPERTS at recognizing men who DON'T GET IT. And if you DON'T get it, PLUS you're trying to compensate for the fact that you don't get it with gifts and compliments, then you're REALLY screwed (or not screwed, as the case may be).

Remember what I'm about to tell you.

Burn it into your mind.

Write it on a sticky-note and put it on your computer monitor...

SINGLE, ATTRACTIVE WOMEN WATCH MEN TRY TO WIN THEM OVER ALL DAY LONG. THEY KNOW WHEN A GUY DOESN'T "GET IT"... AND THEY'RE ANNOYED WHEN A GUY WHO DOESN'T "GET IT" JUST KEEPS TRYING AND TRYING AND TRYING.

Keep in mind that single, attractive women watch guys do this stuff 24/7. They shake their pretty heads and say "He doesn't get it... He doesn't get it... He doesn't get it" over and over and over.

The point is that if you DON'T GET IT, then nothing you do is going to work for you.

The problem is bigger than you can imagine, and you're going to need to take a totally different road to get where you're going...


WHAT ATTRACTIVE WOMEN HATE MOST ABOUT SINGLE GUYS...

Let's return to where we started.

There are a few particular things that REALLY annoy single, attractive women.

One of the reasons that these things annoy women is because they're DEAL KILLERS.

A woman can like everything about you, but if you do these things (or even ONE of these things), it can DESTROY your chances of success with a particular woman.

Here are a few of the BIG things that single women hate:


1) Giving Up Your Status In Exchange For Her Attention And Approval

If I had to describe the one single thing that both annoys women and DESTROYS a guy's chances, it would be this.

It has taken me a long time to see this particular pattern, but it's EVERYWHERE.

Men, in effect, say "Hi, I want your approval and attention. I'm willing to let YOU be the one who's in control... and let YOU call the shots... and do anything to please YOU... if you'll give me your attention and
approval".

But the problem is that women DON'T WANT you to give up your status and "manliness".

Women aren't ATTRACTED to men who act weak and tentative.

Women secretly HATE IT when a guy does something to demonstrate that he'll give away his power in return for approval.

THEY HATE IT!

I could literally write an entire book on this one single concept.

Take a few minutes to think this one over, and maybe write down the ways that you make this mistake with women.

More importantly, think about how you're going to STOP DOING IT IMMEDIATELY.


2) Being Needy, Clingy, And Insecure

When one person "clings" to another person "psychologically", the person who is being "clinged to" RESENTS and REJECTS the needy, clingy emotional parasite...

This is WUSS behavior at its worst.

If a guy is on the phone with a girl he just met, and she says "Hey, I have to go", he might say "Aw, well... um... OK. Um, will you call me when you get home?".

Or let's say a guy and a girl are out on their first date, and they're walking around in a large department store.

Most guys will follow the woman everywhere, and not leave her side for a minute.

If she wanders away, he'll come find her IMMEDIATELY.

He'll stay physically close to her, as if he's afraid she'll leave without him.

And an even worse example is a guy who is so emotionally insecure that he actually ASKS a woman to tell him that he's nice, fun, interesting, etc.

"Do you think I'm interesting?"

"Do you think we could ever have a relationship?"

"Am I your type?"

Women HATE this stuff. It makes them shiver with the heebie-jeebies. It makes them want to RUN AWAY.


3) Not Leading - And Even Worse, Trying To Get Her To Lead

Women have WUSS-DAR.

One of the things that triggers a woman's WUSS-DAR is a man who FOLLOWS.

The REAL problem is that most women won't try to LEAD naturally.

So you've got a situation where a man is trying to FOLLOW a woman who isn't LEADING.

He's looking for little cues so he knows where to go and what to do... but he isn't getting them.

So what does he do?

He ASKS for them!

He says "So, I was thinking of maybe taking you to Olive Garden for dinner... how does that sound?".

Everything about the way he asks says to the woman "I'm trying to figure out what you want me to do... please help me know how you want me to act, where you want me to take you, and what you want me to say".

This is ATTRACTION DEATH!

Men who don't lead, and even worse, try to get a woman to lead, ANNOY THE HELL OUT OF SINGLE WOMEN.

They HATE IT!


4) Using Insecure, Approval-Seeking, Low-Status Posture, Gestures, Voice Tone, And Body Language

There's a term that single, attractive, in-demand women use to describe men who use weak, approval-seeking posture, gestures, comments, and mannerisms...

The term is "NICE".

"He's nice... but... there's no chemistry."

This is one of those areas that's not easy to talk about.

Since SO DAMN MANY GUYS do this stuff, it's almost impossible to explain.

It's like trying to tell a fish that they're not going to get anywhere in life if they stay wet.

The fish doesn't even KNOW it's wet in the first place.

But let me try.

This is important.

Go spend a day observing couples.

Go places where couples that have just met spend time together.

Bars, clubs, coffee shops, whatever.

Now watch the GUYS.

Watch how they lean towards the women.

Watch how they raise their eyebrows in exaggerated response to women's comments.

Watch how they slump over, let their shoulders fall forward, and smile fake-ly at whatever the women say.

If you're close enough, listen to how men ask questions and make comments with a voice tone that says "I'm insecure and I'm trying to be extra nice to compensate for it".

You'll see it EVERYWHERE.

In fact, you'll see it so much that you'll probably write me back to tell me that I'm the one who's crazy, and that since it happens so much, it must be "the right way".

Well, it's not.

If there's one thing that triggers an attractive single woman's WUSS-DAR, it's a man's posture, gestures, eye contact, voice tone, etc.

It all happens in an INSTANT.

Women read this stuff and interpret it as instantly and accurately as you read and interpret the cover of Playboy.

NO ANALYSIS NECESSARY.

I'd say that probably 90% of all men alive today INSTANTLY disqualify themselves with women because of this problem.

Their voice tone, gestures, posture, etc. TELEGRAPH the message that they're a WUSS.

They do a thousand weird little things to let a woman know that they're uncomfortable and "not being themselves".

And you guessed it...

Single women HATE IT!


5) Not Understanding That She's A Woman And You're A Man

I'm about to get philosophical on your ass, so be cool.

When it comes down to it, most men don't understand women.

But the REAL kicker is that most men don't understand MEN, either!

Most guys don't know what it's like to get in touch with their MALE NATURE.

Combine these two issues, and you get a guy who behaves in ways that DO NOT trigger ATTRACTION in women.

Women have a "nature". A female nature.

Men also have a "nature". You guessed it, it's a MALE nature.

Women are coy. They like to play hard to get. They like to enjoy the chase. They love anticipation. They love to "let a guy catch them"...

Men are competitive. Men are dominant. Men like to play rough games, win things, and rule their territory.

Well guess what?

Most men don't BEHAVE like men when they're in the presence of a woman that they "like".

And since most men don't understand female human nature, they don't demonstrate that they "get it" when they're with women that they "like".

Women like men. Men like women. There are POWERFUL causes at play here.

When you're around a woman you like, don't act like a GIRLY-MAN. It's not sexy, and it's not attractive...

And single women HATE IT!


6) Not Being Interesting To Be Around

Underneath most behavior that I see most guys acting out is a "core belief" that goes like this:

"I don't believe that an attractive woman would want to be around me just because she enjoys my presence... so I make up for it by saying and doing certain things that I hope she'll enjoy... and if she enjoys those other things enough, then maybe she'll want to spend more time with me."

Heavy, man.

Well guess what? Most attractive single women KNOW that if a guy isn't interesting to be around, they she's eventually going to go CRAZY being around him.

In other words, no amount of material gifts, compliments, dinners, and other "displays" will EVER compensate for a lack of BEING INTERESTING.

Here's a profound thought:

I and several other guys I know have many women who call us often... just because they enjoy being around us.

These women would be happy just to be in the same room with us... and enjoy our company.

And yes, these women CALL US.

Often.

Material gifts, food, flowers, and other "displays" have ZERO lasting value to a woman when it comes to how she FEELS about you...

An attractive single woman wants a guy who LIGHTS HER UP. She wants to FEEL GOOD.

She wants mystery... she wants to laugh... she wants a challenge... she wants sexual tension...

If you're using compliments, gifts, food, and other "displays" to get a woman's attention... you need to ask yourself a tough question:

Is it because you don't believe that a woman would want to be around you just to be around you?

Because if you don't know how to be INTERESTING to a woman, then no amount of compensation is going to fix the problem.

If you're boring, predictable, and uninteresting, then you're never going to have women calling YOU to hang out.

Oh, and women HATE IT.


7) Not Understanding Attraction

This is a BIGGIE.

You hear me talking about it all the time, right?

Maybe now that you've read this newsletter you'll have a better context to understand what I'm about to tell you...

If you "get it" with women, it's SUPER INTERESTING and ATTRACTIVE to them.

Women can INSTANTLY FEEL IT when they're with a guy who "gets it".

Women know very quickly if they're talking to a guy who understands himself and women... and who enjoys creating and building sexual tension.

Women know if a guy speaks the SECRET LANGUAGE of "Sexual Communication".

If he doesn't, then she stops all communication on that level.

If he does, then it continues.

ATTRACTION Isn't A Choice.

Attraction is an emotional and physical RESPONSE... and you can't "convince" a woman to feel it with logic, gifts, and NICENESS.

Attraction is the result of a woman meeting a man who understands how attraction works... and who knows what to do in each specific situation to progress to the next level.

The PROBLEM with ATTRACTION, and with success with women in general is that the things you need to DO to be successful are NOT OBVIOUS.

They're "counter intuitive", in many cases.

In other words, they're the OPPOSITE of what you'd THINK would make sense.

You have to do things like CREATE TENSION... stop doing something that she likes... give her time to miss you... etc.

And if you don't understand ATTRACTION, a woman is going to KNOW IT.

And guess what?

Single women HATE IT when a man doesn't understand ATTRACTION and how to communicate on this "other level".

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-ADHDsux4me

Too true... a very nice read..

there were a couple of things in there i i knew already but some new info will always help to store in the banks...
A few people on this site really need to read this and take the advice.

What a load of junk.
There is no formula for meeting women.
We are all different
and we all look for different things
And yes.. some of us are actually attracted to a nice funny guy.

and no.. we dont like to be treated like crap
where do you get this stuff?

The funny thing is NephraTari, I am a nice guy, but i long ago learnt that the Nice guy is the perfect best friend and not good for much else... I am still nice, but not a doormat... huge improvement in my luck since i adjusted my approach (to more or less what this piece says... with a few variations of course... everyone needs their own style)...

I'm not saying this works on all girls, but it sure works beter for me than my previous approach did

I say, just be yourself... don't lie and try to have a good time, when the time is right you'll meet someone.

Originally posted by NephraTari
and no.. we dont like to be treated like crap
where do you get this stuff?

Where did he say anything about being treated like 'crap'?

Originally posted by specialasianX
The funny thing is NephraTari, I am a nice guy, but i long ago learnt that the Nice guy is the perfect best friend and not good for much else... I am still nice, but not a doormat... huge improvement in my luck since i adjusted my approach (to more or less what this piece says... with a few variations of course... everyone needs their own style)...

I'm not saying this works on all girls, but it sure works beter for me than my previous approach did

Hon.. your problem wasn't in being nice.. it was in presenting yourself as a friend early on..
You are right about one thing in part.. usually friends do not cross over to lovers.. but that is not always true either.

The 'be yourself' line works eventually for some people... many people i know be themselves all the time... and their 35 and single and cant hold a girl longer than they could hold a red hot piece of metal...

You cant be a doormat coz then they'll take you for granted at best, and you dont want to be with someone who will take you for granted, coz thats worse than not being with them at all.

What a load of junk

Agreed! Everyones Different

I am a woman and I have to say that most things in the first post are true, specialy the part about men being weak, insecure, clingy.
I broke up with my boyfriend partialy because he was all of that. I was forced to lead, to make decisions, he was always seeking my approval, he was constatly saying how insecure, weak he is. He was buying me things all the time, thinking thats the way to win my heart and compensate for his insecurity. That was so damn annoying!!

It is in our genes that men are the "stronger" sex, they lead, they protect the family, kids etc, etc. In this age of emancipation, a lot of women will say that is too archaic way of thinking, they can provide for themselves and all that. That is true in terms that we have jobs, earn money, but we still look for guys who can give us that sense of security, that they are able to "take care" of us. You can emancipate your mind, but you can't go against millions of years of evolution.

Guys are the ones who are supposed to make the first move, not girls.
If you want to kiss a girl, then DO IT, dont wait for her to do it. Flirt ocasionaly with girls who are your friends. That puts you in the group "possible date" instead of "the shoulder to cry on". They might not go out with you, but they will mention you to other single girls as "cute, funny guy, really cool". DO NOT constantly talk about how weak, depressive, lonely, not attractive etc, etc you are. Most girls ( I say here most girls, there are of course exceptions from the rule) do not want to hear that.

People often say just be yourself and things will be ok. In my opinion, that is only partialy true. People change, they improve for the better, they can correct certain things in their character to become a better, more self-confident person. You can't change basic things, but you can improve them. Think of it this way: a person is windows XP. You can stay the original XP or you can download patches, service packs, to make you even better. You still stay XP, only you become more and more user friendly.

Basically what paperclip has just said, is what my experience tells me is true. dont be the wuss, dont we a nice 'best friend' guys... be the funny, witty, sometimes mean (but in a joking way), and never cling or show insecurity... i thoughte these things would be good... boy was i wrong!

And yes, its not about changing who you are, its about downloading patches (as paperclip so elegantly put it) to improve the way your system works

I'm 34 single bloke.

Been out with one woman after another all said i was 'nice' before dumping me in the gutter. All were friends before i fancied em.

The last one was about 5 years ago, used me 'on the rebound' from her previous relationship.

When she dumped me i thought *uck it! And to date i not bothered since.

The origonal post reminds me of myself to a tee. The 'nice' part is essential as long as it doesnt lead into the 'wuss' stage and that is where i used to fall down.

I did everything wrong!

Now i have developed a 'couldnt give a flying feck' 'tude towards women, because of my bad experiences. I'm still nice, but i won't put myself out anymore.

Ironically i have had women come up to me and chat to me more when i'm myself, than when i try to 'go the extra mile' for them.

(One thing i do dislike about women, and i know its not all women but a large %age of them, and that is if you are 'friends' and she works out you fancy her and she don't like you in that way: Kiss goodbye to your friendship.

Ive been there too.

[Edited on 10-10-2004 by rustiswordz]

Originally posted by NephraTari
problem wasn't in being nice.. it was in presenting yourself as a friend early on..
You are right about one thing in part.. usually friends do not cross over to lovers.. but that is not always true either.

can you put this in lamens terms please?

KrazyIvan

What Nephra means, is when your friends with a chick, its hard to cross over into the relationship level and keep it together...
I cna pretty much vouch for that

well then sombody please explain to me the first post in this thread. it confused me

[Edited on 10-10-2004 by KrazyIvan]

Basically it says be a man and dont be a pushover. Dont be overtly nice, and dont be insecure... its pretty straight forward, just takes time to read

Not to sound like an idiot, cause I mostly understand everything your saying, but I do have one question. I too have been lumped into that category of "nice guy" and I guess I just dont have a clue how to break out of it? I'm not going to start being a prick, but am I supposed to act uninterested, or self centered? I understand you cant give THE GRAND ANSWER, but a little help would be much appreciated. I dont have a problem holding conversation, or talking to women, or even pretending to be interested in what they are saying. Many women have told me how easy I am to talk to, I'm a good listener and i always be myself....but yet I still get labeled "nice guy" Any suggestions

Ahhh! So that's where I am going wrong!

I was sat thinking about this after I read it and the question that first popped into my head was, "Well, if I'm not showing I'm interested by being nice, then I'll have to be less nice, which could then make me out to be a prick. So what do I do?"

The answer is simple, just be yourself.

Us men, well most of us, have had this idea pumped into our heads a million times - "If you treat a women with plenty of respect, take her out to dinner and buy her things then she'll love you". It's BS! Sure, treat her with respect but just don't be a pushover. You're meant to be a man, you don't see lions cowering up to a female lion trying to win her affection.

The bottom of the line is, be nice but don't be too nice.

Be Ron Burgundy - act like you know what's going on. Just be fun to be around with. Flirt with OTHER women, and work around the one you like - not running up to only her. Women don't want something that's dangling right there, they like at least a bit of a challenge. If you're too close, make it too easy, then they're turned off because they can't get away from you, and - yeah - that whole "clingy" thing. If you're too difficult though, then you're going to just get them mad. You got to show your independance and strength of yourself before you go elsewhere.

Actually, I've just finished reading "The Game" by Neil Strauss - and apart from simply beind an AWESOME book (women, go and read it, it's packed with what Men think of Women, and what Men think Women think of Men ), it's also given me a few smashing insights into how to make things work... in the short run.

The short-run and the long-run for women are two very different things. They like nice guys in "the long-run" - but want the challenge, and yeah, the sexual tension in "the short-run". Since then, I've literally been able to just walk up to women almost anywhere and present myself in a good, cocky-funny, sort of way.

I think some guys might be getting the wrong idea from the original post. You don't have to be a prick or domineering. Just show that you can make decisions. It's like walking a tightrope, balance is everything.

In my experience, a positive additude helps... and of course the ability to listen. Don't talk about yourself too much, and don't talk about past relationships or breakups unless specifically asked. Also, (this is a big one and women do it too) - don't talk bad about people, esp. ex-girlfriends. It's a trust thing. They'll wonder what you'll say behind THEIR back if you ever have a falling out.

Also, a bit of suspense certainly doesn't hurt. Too much persistence can be a turnoff. Be a tease, make them want you. Not too much though (again, balance).

Women, correct me if I'm wrong.