"Yes Trevor, we are all gathered tonight to witness the celebration of the human competitive spirit in friendship and sportsmanship. Like every four
years, the best athletes in the world will compete for the medals. But only the best, will have the honor of taking them home. And here comes the
British delegation. They can be proud of themselves; proud of their country; for organizing this magnificent opening ceremony which displays the
efficiency and competence of the British Olympic Association and of all the participating bodies that have contributed to make this memorable event a
reality." Allan quickly sipped on his vodka-tonic to clear his throat of all the defecation that his nationalistic bullsh*t had left in his oral
Trevor took the relay right away to avoid any pause in the auditive pollution that the BCC, the British Crap Channel, commonly served to its
half-senile audience; "That is right Allan, and we can see in the stands all those British personalities that have contributed to the organization of
the games. Here is Tony Blair, David Beckham, Elton John, George Michael, Prince Charles, Prince William, Harry Potter, and here is the Queen with
her beautiful mocha hat. She looks amazing and so young as you can see on the giant screen."
Just as Trevor had uttered those words, the image and the giant screen setup over the stands switched to black. But just for a second. Suddenly
something else appeared. The whole stadium turned silent. Even the two presenters who couldn't shut their mouths for a second were speechless.
How to describe it? This thing had never been seen; ever! It was green. Definitely green. With foam all around its mouth and about three hair on
its head. It looked kind like Jabba the Hutt, but not as large and massive, and a lot more viscous. Its eyes and its tongue were that of a snake,
and it had the arms of a T-Rex.
Suddenly, a massive saucer-shaped spaceship appeared over the stadium; hovering in silence over the dazzled crowd.
The green monster on the screen opened its mouth, drooling profusely. A frightening deep voice with a slight Australian accent made itself be heard
to all the human beings present in the stadium, through what seemed like some kind of telepathy.
"Hello humans. I am Badolpoo, the master of the galaxy. I have come to participate in your silly contest. You have grown proud and ignorant, full
of arrogance that is not justifiable with the type of foolishness you demonstrate on a daily basis. I'm going to kick all your miserable asses like
there is no tomorrow. And I will show you what it is to be a boss; you freaking losers. HAhaHAHhAHHAha." As Badolpoo laughed, a flow of mucus dripped
down his lump-like body to his little arms. He continued, "If someone manages to beat me in a single competition, he shall be awarded anything his
feeble mind manages to imagine. But if no one manages to beat me, I will take home the prize that I wish to take! And I have decided this prize will
be the princess of your silly country, and the yellow super squirrel with red dimples Pikachu. They will be taken to planet Krapid, where they will
serve as guinea pigs in our intergalactic cross-species experiment."
The screen turned black. No one could believe it. Especially when the princess got beamed in the air up to the flying saucer, shortly followed by
Pikachu who was supposed to compete for Japan in the shot put contest. Badolpoo had taken everyone's breath away.
Then something happened. The day turned into nigh and into day again. All the contestants for the 100m dash found themselves in the starting-blocks
and Badolpoo teleported itself down on the track next to them. Seemingly, Badolpoo had managed to bend time and to fast-forward it to the final of
the most anticipated discipline.
The starting referee raised his gun in the air, "On your marks, get set..."
When the referee fired his gun, Badolpoo slowed down time so that everybody could witness he did not make a false start. Everyone could clearly see
the muzzle flash coming out the barrel. Time sped up again. Badolpoo was gone. His lane was filled with a greenish toxic and bubbling substance.
The sound of the gunshot reached the sprinters and the spectators. No one could understand how it was possible. Badolpoo was running at a speed
comprised between the speed of light and the speed of sound; and he didn't even have legs. He was already on the podium chortling and everyone else
was still in the starting blocks.
And then everybody was teleported to the olympic swimming pool. Badolpoo and the other swimmers were ready to jump in the water, just waiting for the
ref to blow the siren. As soon as the signal was given, the contestants jumped in the water. It seemed Badolpoo was not going to make such an
impressive start this time as he jumped later than others. But when Badolpoo reached the water he opened his mouth and gobbled the integrality of the
content of the whole pool, including the other contestants. Since Badolpoo was now the size of the olympic swimming pool, and was de-facto touching
both ends of the pool; he was declared winner setting up another olympic record in the process.
Badolpoo played another of his time tricks and the whole audience was back in the stadium. Now it was only Badolpoo who was ready for his first throw
in the discus competition. It seems it was going to be difficult for him to throw the heavy projectile with his little arm, especially since his
technique wasn't optimal as he held the discus like a Frisbee. However when he threw it, the discus went out of the stadium, in a straight line and
it blasted through the clouds. Nobody could measure something like that. NASA was called in, and they confirmed that one of their satellite had
picked up the signature of the discus which had reached geostationary orbit. The discus wasn't expected to come back on earth for at least 3.5
million years, at which time it would be expected to have travelled a distance of 10^45^82±9476*10^33 million miles. Everybody was going to be dead
by the time the thing would fall back down.
Badolpoo gave another telepathic speech before leaving with his deserved prisoners. "Humans I have showed you your mediocrity. You want to travel
through space but you're not even smart enough to not kill yourselves. How do you expect to be smart enough to understand Krapidian physics in 72
dimensions then? You think you're strong? Think how lousy you would be in the intergalactic olympics?! Nobody would want to watch you, except for
comedic purposes. I spit on you. Pwahh." Now Badolpoo was teleported on the top of his ship and the thousands of gallons that filled the swimming
pool which had now turned into his putrid body fluid was regurgitated on all the spectators in the stadium, including the British celebrities. The
whole audience was terrified and covered in a thick layer of fetid snot.
Badolpoo and his ship vanished, and neither the princess nor Pikachu were ever seen again.
edit on 9-3-2012 by townio because:
edit on 9-3-2012 by townio because: typo
edit on 9-3-2012 by townio because: typo