We met Chris, when he left Circuit City and came to work in the Best Buy Video department with the rest of us. We knew there was something wrong with
him right off the bat, but it didn’t seem like anything we couldn’t handle.
One day, Chris suggested that we walk across the parking lot to Hooters for lunch...
This is where it began.
Chris is a mean and clever drunk.
Thankfully, he only had a pitcher during lunch, but he talked us in to coming back for couple more after work. What the hell, right?
We invited the new Video supervisor along with us. He was a difficult guy to describe. He was weird before we went anywhere socially with him. He was
even weirder afterwards. He was, well… he was a Latino man with a lisp. He also has a weird fetish involving glass tables and women pooping. He
pronounced this to us when we started on our 3d pitcher. He was drinking bottles.
I only mention the bottle thing because, as he told us this, he was rubbing up and down on his beer bottle like he was masturbating.
At that point, we quickly paid the tab, and beat our retreat. It was actually very convenient timing, because the hooters girl had just cut us off
from the beer. This made a great excuse to give the supe dude. As soon as he was in his car and out of sight, the rest of us drove the other way and
met up in the parking lot of Bennigans.
It was getting late, and we were already pretty loaded, but we decided to tempt our fate against the alcohol gods once again. We ordered another
Then Another one.
We were all feeling a little… full . As I stood up and headed to the bathroom, it looked like a game of follow the leader. Everyone followed. I
wasn’t unable to walk, but it did require a lot more concentration than normal.
The urinals were full, so I had to settle for a stall. I let fly a stream that seemed to have no end. About a minute and a half into the act, I
noticed Chris’ right shoe under the wall separating the stalls.
I thought to myself, wouldn’t it be funny if someone started pissing on his shoe, and before I knew it…I was.
I was laughing my ass off.
He was not enjoying this as much as I was.
I suppose all of his screaming attracted the attention of the others, and before he could get any angrier the whole bathroom was consumed with
Now, I should qualify my statement before you start thinking that I was just hosing down his shoe. I wasn’t. It was more of a squirt the shoe…back
in the toilet…shoe…toilet… kind of thing. At any rate, it was FUNNY.
Well, funny to us at least.
After a little paper towel, you couldn’t even tell that he had just been pissed on.
We returned to the table, and it was approaching last call. Chris stopped by the bar, and had a few words with the bartender that we couldn’t
As we sat back down, it was quickly approaching last call. We were winding things up. We had already paid the tab, as the bartender called out "Last
Call". The bar started to empty, and we got up to head for the door.
"Where are you all going?" Chris asked. "Sit back down."
"Its time to go." I said
"Nope" is all he said.
Right about then, the bartender brought a tray of Vodka shots, with whiskey sour chasers. We all patted Chris on the back for his success in arranging
more drinks. Chris was the man. Everyone at our table was praising him.
We all stood up again, and just then, the bartender came over with another tray. This one had Tequila shots with hurricane chasers.
We were the only people left in the bar.
We downed our shots, followed them with the hurricanes, and got up to head to the door. Chris said "Hold it…"
This time, the bartender came over with a tray-full of these drinks called "Mind Erasers". I have NO idea what they had in them, but they lived up to
their name. We all had a mug of beer as a chaser.
This happened a few more times.
We were SO drunk; we had to really try to think.
We did our best to stand up and head for the door.
As we did, the bartender said "What about the tab?"
We all snapped our heads toward Chris. He just shrugged his shoulders, smiled, and said:
"I didn’t say I’d pay for it, I’m broke. I just set up the drinks."
Our tabs were like 90.00 a piece.
Chris said, "Who is pissing on who now?"
edit on 13/12/11 by masqua because: Profanity removed