I learnt something today....

I learnt that I am a big fat liar!

I say I don't care about People but I do.

And I avoid having relationships.

I just drove home from seeing my Mum and my Step Father who is dying. I have had a relationship with him for 19 or so years and the whole time I have kept him at arms length. Never called him Dad, but the truth is he has been a real Father to me...

Even my work life, the majority of the time, it is contract so I never stay anywhere long enough to 'care about my co workers'... now, it is coming up 7 months and oh I have another job to go to...

anyway, I am not going to take the job and I am going to stay and try to overcome this and I am going to start having relationships rather than avoiding them.

Relationships are a beautiful thing to have in ones life eventhough they come with the inherent danger of getting "hurt".

As cheesy as it sounds, those ups and downs are what makes me feels alive.

I don't know how old you are but having a father figure is very important in my opinion, treasure it while you can. I was too young to really treasure my father before I lost him.

Peace

You are not alone.

I have had a very dark and rough road to reach the point i am now.
Through my experiences i have had to cut alot of people of out my life, and i got into a habbit of always cutting people of when they got to close, coupled with a bad tendency to completely compartmentalize my social life.

I am finnally at a place i would call "Stable" and i to am trying to get a closer connection to the people around me, its not easy when you are used to keeping people at arms lenght. I feel its like telling someone who is right handed to only use their left hand, but i am deffiently feeling and seeing the positive effect of Love and Connecting to people, rather than relying only on one self (although that is also an important part of life, Balance my freind Balance )

I wish you luck, and know that you are not alone, alot of soceity is disconnected these days, by design, lets reconnect as a species.

My father and I never got along and it's nagged at me my whole life.
Too late for me to do anything about it now but not too late for you, I hope. If you can, you want to get that taken care of becuase the damage never goes away. Of course, there may be situations in which there is nothing you can do to repair the damage, in which case your only option is to work on yourself.

Also, just because your relationship with your father is bad doesn't mean it needs to have any bearing at all upon your other relationships. Shrinks and others might roll their eyes at that last statement but I say don't let it have an effect, insofar as you can. Good luck.

Originally posted by Swizzy
Relationships are a beautiful thing to have in ones life eventhough they come with the inherent danger of getting "hurt".

As cheesy as it sounds, those ups and downs are what makes me feels alive.

I don't know how old you are but having a father figure is very important in my opinion, treasure it while you can. I was too young to really treasure my father before I lost him.

Peace

I agree. My bio Dad was out of the scene when I was four and it was a dramatic exit that is all I will say. He went off and got another family. I always thought it strange that I never spoke about him. It was like, he just didn't exist anymore and I was only 4 at the time so that is quite remarkable. I do laugh a little with my childish reaction... even then... I was not amused.

but, after that I did not ever have a Dad so when my Mum remarried, I was sort of non conscious... and just went along with it and it occurred to me tonight, I have had a Father figure for the last 19 years and he is a person I actually respect and love.

The realisation of the way I function was quite an epiphany.

Originally posted by WiseThinker
You are not alone.

I have had a very dark and rough road to reach the point i am now.
Through my experiences i have had to cut alot of people of out my life, and i got into a habbit of always cutting people of when they got to close, coupled with a bad tendency to completely compartmentalize my social life.

I am finnally at a place i would call "Stable" and i to am trying to get a closer connection to the people around me, its not easy when you are used to keeping people at arms lenght. I feel its like telling someone who is right handed to only use their left hand, but i am deffiently feeling and seeing the positive effect of Love and Connecting to people, rather than relying only on one self (although that is also an important part of life, Balance my freind Balance )

I wish you luck, and know that you are not alone, alot of soceity is disconnected these days, by design, lets reconnect as a species.

yes..the reconnection would be akin to taking one step forward, two steps back!

I also feel that some of the habits we develop as part of our dysfunction are a lot harder to break. The routine we have.

But, I am willing to change and that is the first step...

Originally posted by silent thunder
My father and I never got along and it's nagged at me my whole life.
Too late for me to do anything about it now but not too late for you, I hope. If you can, you want to get that taken care of becuase the damage never goes away. Of course, there may be situations in which there is nothing you can do to repair the damage, in which case your only option is to work on yourself.

Also, just because your relationship with your father is bad doesn't mean it needs to have any bearing at all upon your other relationships. Shrinks and others might roll their eyes at that last statement but I say don't let it have an effeclit, insofar as you can. Good luck.

my bio Dad, I don't speak to. Haven't seen him since I was 5.

my Step Dad, well he has been in my face for the last 19 years and good/bad/ugly...it is a relationship and for the most part...it has been good.

farout, he has even told me off and gave me pocket money!! and I was 26 years old at the time...
way too old for pocket money haha

It is a strange thing, you don't even realise you are shutting people out and then one day, you look around and figure it out. I really hope everyone has this kind of realisation in the area of their life they need it the most.

Let your step Father know you love him while you still can. You will feel such a relief in letting him know. I am sure he loves you too. It will mean the world to him, especially now.

But, I am willing to change and that is the first step...

Willing means nothing unless you try, then do.

You sure didn't make a friend in me, with your 'ignorant' post to a stranger.

Originally posted by canadiansenior70

But, I am willing to change and that is the first step...

Willing means nothing unless you try, then do.

You sure didn't make a friend in me, with your 'ignorant' post to a stranger.

edit on 6-12-2011 by canadiansenior70 because: (no reason given)

You are ignorant. Friends tell friends the truth.

reply to post by canadiansenior70


hmm you asked for advice and I gave it to you. Your response came across as though you were boasting and I told you that in a nice way.

In todays economic times some People are struggling to put a meal on the table and then you 'boast' about money that is coming your way... 300 K is a lot of money. Fine, good luck to you. I don't care but your second reply to me was insensitive to the financial situation of a lot of People...making a joke about paying tax on your interest! wow!

I was not rude to you in anyway so I suggest you read what you have written and try to be subjective on how your words may maybe interpreted by others who read it and if anyone should reply to you in an honest manner then you really need to be grateful of that.