A little Religous HUMOR

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posted on Apr, 10 2003 @ 10:18 AM
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A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the comer of his eye.....It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
10 MILES

He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought......Soon he sees another sign, which says:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
5 MILES

Suddenly, he begins to realize that these signs are for real....Then he drives past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST.FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
NEXT RIGHT

His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive....On the far side of the parking lot is a stone buildingwith a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He climbs the steps and rings the bell....The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"....He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business.".....


"Very well, my son. Please follow me." ....He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented....The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, Please knock on this door".............

He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup asnwers the door.....This nun instructs,"Please place $100 in the cup,then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway".......

He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns cup.....He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him........

As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot,facing another small sign:

GO IN PEACE.

YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.

SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.




posted on Apr, 10 2003 @ 11:05 AM
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Excellent stuff, USP.
Take a little wine for thy stomach's sake.
Humour in "Religious"! This can only be good (in moderation, of course)



posted on Apr, 10 2003 @ 11:24 AM
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Ill throw one in.

In response to numerous accusations of Zionist influence in Washington, the White House decides to make a gesture and they send the most obnoxious IRS man to a synagogue in New Jersey.
He goes in. He shows his credentials to the Rabbi and they enter the building,.
They look around, and then the IRS pulls out his notebook and says: Rabbi, I have to check these returns. You burn a lot of candles here, and I see you claim for them, but I notice all these drips and stubs. What do you do with them?
And the Rabbi says: OK. We collect them and when we have enough we send them to the candle-manufacturer and he sends us a little candle. But its a gift
OK says the IRS man. But what about these matzoh balls. There are a lot of crumbs. You claim for matzoh balls, so what about the crumbs?
And the Rabbi says: OK. We collect them and when we have enough we send them to the matzoh-manufacturer and he sends us a little matzoh ball. But its a gift
So the IRS man says: A wise guy. Then he leads the Rabbi on and says: OK, Rabbi. You do a lot of circumcisions here.
The Rabbi replies: Yes, this is true.
OK. So you get a lot of foreskins?
Yes we do
And what do you do with them?
We send them to the IRS
Yeah. And whats their gift?
Well, every so often, they send us a little pr*ck.



posted on Apr, 10 2003 @ 11:26 AM
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LOL! Great stuff guys.



posted on Apr, 10 2003 @ 11:47 AM
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That is SOOOOO funny Estragon!



posted on Apr, 10 2003 @ 02:20 PM
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. Great Jokes guys.



posted on Apr, 11 2003 @ 12:08 PM
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A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."


A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the his voice, he answered, "It's Adam's Suit!"



A Sunday School class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall and quoted, "Thou shalt not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife."


had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's Prayer. For several evenings, at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.
Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed, "but deliver us from e-mail. Amen."


After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation.

They are all asked the same question: "When you are in your casket, friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy thinks a minute and replies, "I'd like to hear them say...... LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!"


For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said,
"Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"
Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!


Dear God,
I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.
Sam

Dear God,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea.
Sincerely, Donna


Dear God,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
Larry



posted on Apr, 11 2003 @ 12:30 PM
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:lol ROFL!!! Great stuff!!!


I loved the 'deliver us from email' line!





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