posted on Nov, 6 2011 @ 12:12 PM
There is no way to really know without meeting her what her real problem is. I can personally only understand so much about a person by looking at
them. Body language, voice inflection and other subtle things can't be picked up over a forum.
The best advice is to encourage her to seek professional counseling. The reason being that even though I could describe the method you should use to
approach this issue, without a deep understanding of how the human mind works and what her specific problems might be you could really just cause more
harm than good, possibly destroying your relationship. No matter what you do it very well might end, because she is clearly not emotionally stable.
Its really an issue that whatever course of action one would take to help this girl its going to reach a breaking point, and when it does if you
don't know what you're doing it can be far more detrimental than positive despite your best intentions.
One piece of advice is not to disagree with her though. Don't argue about what beauty is or isn't. Just listen to her attentively and with sympathy,
and then tell her gently that you disagree and think shes very beautiful, and leave it at that. Then try to change the subject and do something fun or
intimate like watching a movie. Cultivate the attitude that you not only know better, but are completely content in this knowing. You have nothing to
prove because you are so sure of it, that it doesn't even matter what she says. You don't want to seem arrogant about it, and you don't want to try
to convert her to your side.
Then you express this by OCCASIONALLY complimenting things she does or wears. You don't want to constantly be reciting a litany of why shes beautiful
because it will lose its impact and meaning. Also while its certainly OK To tell her shes beautiful during sex it doesn't help her because every guy
can say that while having sex. Compliment weird things "I like those shoes". You don't even have to tell her why you like them. Try to notice any
small changes such as differences in hair style, or different nail polish color, and just state you like it, or it looks good on her, or whatever.
Leave it at that. Remember YOU KNOW BEAUTY, you are the arbiter of whats beautiful and whats not, the God who created Beauty. You don't need to
explain it to anyone, and you don't need to convince her to be on your side. Gods don't care what other people think!
The reason you take this attitude is to sow doubt on an unconscious level. When people argue about something it doesn't sow doubt but only animosity,
also trying to convince people appears weak, but when people are "completely sure" about something, it not only appears strong but it seems like
they really know what they are talking about, the image of strength in ones convictions without argument or debate can sometimes be the most powerful
way to convert someone to your side.
Yet its impossible to ultimately say what the problem is. From the picture I saw of her what I saw in her eyes was someone who has experienced some
kind of abuse that has effected her deeply. I could be wrong because its just a picture, but shes actually very beautiful.
What I saw in her was that she is a normal girl by appearances and also her family probably seems rather normal too. But there is something dark there
in her past that needs addressed, and most likely you either can't or should not try to address it yourself. Attempting to do so could very well
result in a catastrophic event, she might even try to hurt herself.
Don't ask her to get help when the issue is really bothering her, she can't see clearly then. When she seems to be in a normal state of mind go to
her with your heartfelt and loving concern, and ask her to seek professional counseling. Tell her that you will be there to support her, to help her
find a counselor she can trust, to even help pay for it if you really care about her that much. It might even help to get her friends on your side,
but just be careful that its not a us vs. her situation, you don't want her to feel threatened but loved.