Please help me ATS - I can't understand/help my girlfriend

Help me ATS, I have no idea what to do.

(EDIT: after some comments from user's suggesting I remove the picture of us, I did. I didn't think it could cause harm, but better safe than sorry. Thanks for the advice)

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 7 months, and I love her dearly.
But, lately she has been developing self-esteem issues. BAD self-esteem issues. Let me explain:
*she thinks she's ugly
*she thinks she's a horrible person
*she doesn't see why anyone could ever want to be around her
*she thinks she's useless

It's gotten to a point where it's crippling to her. She isn't happy as much anymore, she isn't social. She only really talks to me, or her mother. I tell her time and time and time again that she's beautiful, but my words fall on deaf ears.
I'm trying to be there for her, but I don't know what to do!

For all of you members out there who have suffered through severe self-esteem issues, or know someone who has, how do I make her feel better about herself? How do I help her and support her?

I just want the girl I love back.

reply to post by gatorboi117


Depression is a hell of a thing, its hard for people not depressed to understand it, she needs to seek consoling of some kind.

Its never wrong to try and better yourself, its more cowardly to not try to, but to people in depression even waking up in the mourning is hard enough.

Be there for her as much as you can with out harming yourself (its easy to get caught up in their negativeness) Just stay strong for both of you and support her as much as you can.

get other people to comment on her appearance might help, someone random, that wouldnt say it because they have to

You need to manipulate her so that she is ashamed of having low self esteem. She is using it as a crutch to get attention. I recommend a hobby or something...

I'd get permission from her before posting her picture on ATS. If I were your girlfriend, I'd be upset about that! She sounds like a normal girl. Let her have her moods and remain stoic. You are the rock. Everything is fine. Offer to treat her to some date nights that might be fun for her. Don't tell her you're trying to 'fix' her. You can't. You can only INSPIRE her and be there with her.

Stay Calm!

reply to post by thegoods724


I tried that too! She either thinks everyone is insane, or doesn't believe them. She's in denial of herself, it seems.


reply to post by benrl


Thanks for the advice, I'll try to keep being there for her. I try to just talk her through it, but I just ... I can't help her! I'm a guy who fixes things, but how does one fix this?

reply to post by gatorboi117


Well, she definately does'nt look like she's on crack.

Mate......it's her age; she's young, hormones kicking, PMT kicking in, etc etc. Don't worry, it will pass.

PS: you're both nice looking kids. Go buy her a shiney tricklet or something. That should cheer her up.

You both look young.

Let your hormones and minds fully develop, and then it will all even out.

I'm not promising anything between you two, but I am saying that youth is a hard egg to break free from.

reply to post by gatorboi117


This may help:-

www.theravive.com...

reply to post by gatorboi117


ok. she's either cheated on you and has a guilty conscious, doesn't wanna be with you anymore but is scared to say goodbye so she's pushing you away....or C...she's a female.

not to be sexest but uh...females are crazy. especially in their teens and 20s. (not that it ever really calms down with age ) her hormones are driving her nuts. young love sucks. you know why? cuz it always ends. you're gonna have your heart ripped out by an emotionally schizophrenic woman at least a couple times if you keep looking for "the one".

love...is a class. this...is 101. i know it sounds horrible and cynical...but it's true. statistically, you all will break up. it's natural. you're changing at a crazy pace.

and i agree with boncho: she's just screaming for attention.

Dude.... putting her face on a forum with x amount of insane people won't contribute to her self esteem....

What would happen if 4chan kiddies will pick up on this topic and recognize her from school ?

*I know we live in a sad world. Remove the pic is my best advice and tell her that the internetz love her.

Does she have a circle of girlfriends or is she isolated ? If the only people she is identifying with is You and her mother maybe she needs to expose herself to the outside world a bit ?

reply to post by gatorboi117


she hitting her early 20s

its true
nobody likes you when youre 23

reply to post by gatorboi117
Could you answer some questions that will help me to advise

When did you first notice the behaviour change

Can you think of anything that may have brought this about

Originally posted by thegoods724
get other people to comment on her appearance might help, someone random, that wouldnt say it because they have to

It would probably make it worse. If someone has an actual self image problem, they don't talk to other people about it. If they make it known to everyone around them, they are looking for attention.

Think Anorexia... Usually complete denial with legitimate self esteem issues.

Originally posted by thegoods724
get other people to comment on her appearance might help, someone random, that wouldnt say it because they have to

yes...that's right. turn her into a stripper!

in my opinion first and most of all stay away from any depresion drug prescribed.second advise you two need to go out and observe people in the saroundings at malls parks and so on.it extroverts people and you start feeling better.when feeling low its time to start doing things around the house like cleaning up hair cuts and so on.this is a start to feeling better and lifting the mood hope this gives some help.i also read that we are afected in our moods acording to moon fazes it would be good to observe that i found out that when the moon is in wanning its time to do the hair cuts and house cleaning,proyects and so on.by half of the moon cicle energy levels are up and feeling like conquering the world,thats the time for advancement in any undertakings.

reply to post by hotel1


We've been together as a couple for 7 months, but we've known each other for years. We were friends first, before developing a romantic interest.

I always knew she was quiet and shy, but these issues with her self-image didn't really come around until after I returned from the Air Force. I was in the USAF for 3 months before being medically retired. Upon getting out, I noticed a significant change in her.

I honestly can't think of any reason why this was caused.


reply to post by rick004


She isolates herself. She has a few very good girlfriends that love her to death, but she seems to forget this and thinks everybody hates her at times.


reply to post by alldaylong


Thanks for the link! I'll look into it.

reply to post by gatorboi117


Well first, you can't fix this, this ones all on her, All you can do is help her along the path to better mental Health, and honestly, people on here are not going to be much help with her personal situation.

We can give advice but we don't know what issues are really at play in her life, there could be a history there that even you do not know of that could be at play and really someone who is trained in handly those issues should be the one handling it.

IF she is opposed to professional help, maybe clergy.

She has depression and no one can make her feel better except herself. This may sound silly but take her...DRAG her and join a gym! I'm serious! Join with her because she probably won't have the want or willpower to go herself, because she is depressed. Exercise and the atmosphere of being around healthy people DOES make a difference. I've been depressed before and I am telling you, this works. The only catch is you actually have to do it

Good luck, you guys are a cute couple!