[#Occ]upy The Greenway

Occupy The Greenway
by: Trexter Ziam
© TZ 2011

fiction

Note: Skip down to "Translation" if the literal story is too difficult to read.

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[sic]

October 2011

Challenger, me dog an' me Mah wuz sleepin' on da Gweenway when we wuz woken up by de men wit' sines. We wuz plum tired 'cuz it took us rite neer huf a yeeyer to gitz here. We wallkid all de way frum LA to da eest cost all on are ons.

Firs lemme bayak uup. Me Mah iz mennaly 'tarded. She wuz keeked ot u da Twen Tohwerz meentil inzditushun 'cuz u da statz gotz no mo' munny to pay. Ene waz, Mah wuz 'takt bi a man in a fanc zute un dat iz how i be borin. We livd on da stwetz up 'til 'bowt seex muntz ago, den we piyicked up un wallkid all de way heyere 'cuz we herd it wuz prity plaz tu c be4 we di.

Ne waz, da men wit sines wuz srowin' woks at us and Mah wuz criin' sumpin' awfool. Dey wuz yellin' 'bowtz we dook DER money it dey werkt 4 und we wuz da weezon dey be luzin' der homey und jobz, er sumppin' cwazy lik dat. Challenger took affer 'em win da wok hitz Mah in da lef i und 1 uh dem plukked a piztal ot 'iz pokket und chot Challenger ded.

Da men in zutes wit sines tuk 2 runnin' cuz 1 sayd dah copperz wud b cummin' zoon. I berried Challenger on da Gweenway und tookked Mah 2 a pez furtter up da twail.

November 2011

Mahz i iz all blak und rawttid und she iz diggin' owt da blak wit her fingerz. Her back hurtz a lot 'cuz she is preegos wit 'nutter 'takkers babe.

Da Gweenway is all org wit otum leeves und Mah und me iz bein' 'tekted bi sum new 'testors wit sines. Dey keepz singin' 'bout da 99 purr sense. I likez purr-kitty 2! Dah 1 wit blu har makked majik mud und heelid Mah's emppy i soket.

December 2011

Copperz cum und tookid da niz peple wit sines.

Now, da Gweenway iz filt wit doz meen men in zutes wit sines agin. Mah iz bowt ta giv birt und da meen men iz kikkin Mah in da dummy wit der blak buts.

Iz hidden hine da twee cuz Mah sayd 2. Da men keepz yellin scum at Mah. Da meen man wit da sine bowt a goled coyn iz poyintin at me an yellen bowt git dat der peec o' meet.

Iz onle 8 so i runz und hidz gut up a twee. Win da cost iz kleer, i goze back 2 git Mah. Mah iz all bludy and cant moof.

Christmas Day 2011

[Christmas bells peeled from the distance.]

Mah iz givven birt now und she cant breet. Da 'testtor wit da blu har cum runnin don da Gweenway jes in tym. She hepped Mah mak da babe be born. Az dah 'testtor wuz kleenen up mi nu siztr, Mah stoppit breetin.

Da 'testtor wuz yellen no und gibben da kizz o liv to Mah. No go.

Da 'testtor tookkit mi han und we lef wit my new sizta. We named her Mary Christina. Now, I liv wit da 'testtor und mi sizta in da woodz ner da Gweenway und i am lernin' mi letterz.

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Translation:

October 2011

Challenger, my dog and my Mother were sleeping on The Greenway when we were awoken by the men with signs. We were plum tired because it took us right near half a year to get here. We walked all the way from LA to the East coast all on our own.

First, let me back up. My Mother is mentally retarded. She was kicked out of the Twin Towers mental instituion in LA because of state (budget cuts) has no more money to pay. Anyway, Mother was attacked by a man in a fancy suit and that is how I was born. We lived on the streets up until about six months ago, then we picked up an walked all the way here because we heard it was a pretty place to see before we die.

Anyway, the men with signs were throwing rocks at us and Mother was crying something awful. They were yelling about (how) we took their money and (that) they worked for and we were the reason they be (were) losing thier home(s) and jobs, or something crazy like that. Challenger took after them when the rock hit Mother in the left eye and one of them plucked a pistol out (of) his pocket and shot Challenger dead.

The men in suits with signs took (off) to running because one said the coppers (cops) would be coming soon. I buried Challenger on the Greenway and took Mother to a piece further up the trail.

November 2011

Mother's eye is all black and rotted and she is digging (it) out with her fingers. Her back hurts a lot because she is pregnant with another attacker's baby.

The Greenway is all orange with Autumn leaves and Mother and me are being protected by some new protestors with signs. They keep singing about the 99%. I like purr-kitty too! The one with blue hair made magic-mud (poultice) and healed Mother's empty eye-socket.

December 2011

Coppers (police) came and took the nice people with signs.

Now, the Greenway is filled with those mean men in suits with signs again. Mother is about to give birth and the mean men are kicking Mother in the tummy with their black boots.

I'm hiding behind the tree because Mother said to. The men keep yelling, "SCUM!" at Mother. The mean man with the sign about a gold coin is pointing at me and yelling about, "Get that piece of meat!"

I'm only eight so I ran and hid good (well) up a tree. When the coast was clear, I went back to get Mother. Mother is all bloody and can't move.

Christmas Day, 2011

[Christmas bells peeled from the distance.]

Mother is giving birth now and she can't breathe. The protestor with the blue hair came running down the Greenway just in time. She helped Mother make the baby be born. As the protestor was cleaning up my new sister, Mother stopped breathing.

The protestor was yelling, "NO!" and giving the kiss of life to Mother. No go.

The protestor took my hand and we left with my new sister. We named her Mary Christina. Now, I live with the protestor and my sister in the woods near The Greenway and I'm learning my letters.

I guess you were trying to be funny..?


FAIL !!!!!!

There isn't a shread of humour in the story.

It's NOT a funny situation.

Originally posted by gabby2011

I guess you were trying to be funny..?


FAIL !!!!!!

big thumbs down to you.
The effort is definitely not a 'fail'.

He is a winner because he contributed!

reply to post by Trexter Ziam



that is a bloody tragic story.

Well done. The first part was very hard to read but I definitely get the message your putting across.




It is gripping...absolutely exceptional.

I had to come back and read it again, especially the non translated section.

I was attempting to read it aloud, I sounded ridiculous and then it occurred to me that it would be great to have an podcast. So you could read it (just that section) and we could listen, get more of an idea of cultural differences.

That is the thing with writing. Whereever you are in the world, your speech will be different and that can be an obstacle.

I would read one sentence and post it here for you but I reckon I would not do it justice. a) I am a female and b) drawly Australan Accent. lol

what do you think?

reply to post by Trexter Ziam


Your story is so tragic, and so visceral it is difficult to read, however I don't think it is so outlandish as to be improbable in "anywhere" America, or other countries. Painful and heartbreaking situations like this happen all over the world. I'd like to hope that the denizens of the Occupy movement haven't stooped to such a low, low state, but who knows. Your untranslated version reads much more horrific and resonates as real and it serves your purpose, I think, because it makes me sick to death of the horrors that humanity perpetrates upon itself.

It's an awful story, and it's very well done at the same time. Kudos to you for dipping into this dark, dark place. I couldn't have done it.

reply to post by Thurisaz


Thank you for the idea/offer. I'm female too though.

I believe I left the protagonist gender unspecified, intentionally. The child's race and slang AND speech impediments (plural) are not explicitly specified; but, I can tell you it's Texan rather than Californian, New Yorkish or Bostonian. It's modeled after (based on) real life children I have worked with.

I don't know what a podcast is. ATS has some of those podcasts. ATS has some "Chicks" that do recordings of something I think, or at least they used to. I don't think we're allowed to post ATS stuff elsewhere on the Internet/WWW though, so, to follow ATS rules it would have to be on ATS.

Personally, I don't think this FICTION story should be podcasted. Thank you anyway.

reply to post by argentus


Nobody has done this in the OWS movement. It is fiction, though loosley based on real-life events all scrambled into a new story. The story is a "tragedy". I thank you for your time and comments.

Originally posted by Thurisaz

He is a winner because he contributed!

LOL

I felt you were a man and isn't that funny and is a great illustration: 'the piece you have written was very masculine' and so I assumed the writer was male!

fantastic !!!

I am still laughing at myself for the way I reacted. -> I defended you and actually believed you were a male and had had a bad bloody time.

"leave him alone!"

Regardless of the results, this one resonates with me and it is a winner. Mainly because what you have done is gone outside of the square, writing in street slang, that is really on the edge and innovative.




I wish I could flag it again. I actually believed you were a man and spoke like that and your not. hahahhahaha

There are a lot of interesting elements to this.

Flagged.