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Bad poetry in the Key of, wait what was i saying....

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posted on Sep, 27 2011 @ 10:37 PM
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well this is the first poem i have written in a long time its not that good... refined or well whatever, but for my first foray back into this writing style its a start. I hope to update this thread with more as i get back into the flow of things. Feel free to tell me what you think, im a big boy and i can take it i promise.

Endless


You’re so far away I can’t see you there
I’m all alone and it’s not fare
Fate has taken me so far away
Waiting for an end to an endless stay

Time is passing so quickly
Soon this will all be just history

In this room I sit alone
No one’s here to make this home
The walls close in
When will this end

Time is passing so quickly
Soon this will all be just history

I’m dreaming of you and all we’ll do
I wonder if you’re thinking of me too
Reality is finally setting in
As I think of this my world starts to spin

Time is passing so quickly
Soon this will all be just history

I’m heading straight for you
A path that is true
Just like the feelings we share
This feeling of love is in the air

Time is passing so quickly
Soon this will all be just history
And I will be back where I belong
By your side in your heart and in your mind.




posted on Sep, 28 2011 @ 05:07 AM
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reply to post by crimsongod21
 


It is pretty good. Needs to be edited for redundancy...or so it makes coherent sense as well as rhyming sense. I think you have great ability but I saw that in your preamble instead of the poem. The poem needs a little editing to sharpen it up...IMO. You have a natural easy flow of words.



posted on Sep, 28 2011 @ 07:33 AM
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redundancy is an issue as i don't use a normal poetry style but more of a verse chorus verse style that is more common in song lyrics. This is due to the fact that i am a failed lead singer lol. I thank you for the reply and will continue to strive for better out of my poetry.


thank you and good day/night depending on your location in this universe.



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