posted on Jun, 22 2011 @ 11:10 AM
I don’t have a lot of fears. Because of that, I don’t get upset very easy. I roll with the punches and don’t stress about the little things.
I DO have a fear though, that of losing someone I love; and I had to deal with that fear since Thursday, when I realized my dog wasn’t able to use
her hind legs. On Tuesday I had to make the decision that it was in her best interest, to alleviate her pain, that she be euthanized.
I gave her the biggest feast she ever had, and we laid outside together, in the fresh air, until we had to go to the vet. There was no way I could
leave her alone during the process, so I held her, head pressed to her head, until her last breath.
I hate myself for making such a final decision.
I don’t really hate myself, but that statement is very easy to say. I am angry with myself, demanding I answer to myself; “Who the hell do I think
I am? Who gives me the right to make such a decision?!” Perhaps she could have made it!
She was a beautiful black lab, so gentle and loyal.
I am very guilty right now. I feel I didn’t give her enough attention; I didn’t take her for enough walks. She was used to sleeping with me at
night, in bed. After moving in with my amazing wife, she had to get used to sleeping in another room. ( And no, I don’t blame my wife.) I feel like
I didn’t show her enough how much I loved her.
I am a very sensitive man. I know a lot of readers would feel upset at such a happening to them. I think it’s safe for me to assume that I feel this
pain more than most. I feel the pain of the smallest insect when I accidentally step on it. Not the physical pain, but I am immediately put in the
position of that insect. When I see someone on the streets being mistreated…when I see kids and/ or women abused…when I see animals hurt…without
my conscious choice I am put in their shoes, and I feel their emotional pain…and I hate it.
The good thing is it drives me to live my life as righteous as I can…always a struggle…but I go out of my way to NOT hurt ANYTHING or ANYONE.
So the loss of my best friend is rather traumatizing to me. I know, over time, the pain will subside…never really disappear, but I know I’ll be
I’m not writing this to get pity from anyone, or to make anyone feel sad. I hate it when others are in pain, so please don’t. I am writing this as
a reminder to all of us. Make sure that the ones around you whom you love are made aware of this fact ALL the time. Don’t only tell them you love
them, but show it through your actions. Your loved ones are very beautiful, loving conscious spirits; and they deserve your utmost respect, and love.
Don’t nag at your loved ones for petty things. Tell them you love them EVERY time you leave their presence. Go out of your way to make them feel
better. Don’t try to change the things you don’t like about them (with certain drastic acceptations), but rather change yourself to encompass
everything they are. All around me children are yelled at, sworn at. Wives are mistreated, abandoned or abused. It breaks my heart every time I see
These are the things I consider every day of my life, every action I perform. This is why a lot of my threads are based on trying to teach people to
love and respect all of life…in one way or another. I’m not trying to preach, or brag, or say I’m better than anyone; we are all equal. I just
want to pass on what I have learned that helps to heal the world. It’s one person at a time that will stop the plan of the powers that be. One
awakening at a time.
I hope some will benefit from this…learn from my sorrow.
Peace and One Love
As a P.S. Something for everyone to consider about the loss of a loved one. It is egotistical to mourn the loss of a loved one. They are in a better
place, without pain. You don't mourn their passing, you mourn the times YOU will miss not seeing them...you mourn the things that YOU loved about