She wants a kid: He does not.

So the lady I am talking to... just told me she wants to have a child... but myself.. I am not interested in the responsibility to raise a child... plus, I really do not want to have a kid who at this rate- when he is 20 is going to be living in an even more police state run society than we see today.

She is a nice person.. but damn.. if she is TRYING to get pregnant.. and I am trying to avoid it, how is that going to work out? I don't want to just ditch her.. but I feel if I don't get her pregnant she might just cheat anyway to accomplish that so what is the point?

Anyway what would you do?

Yeah, I don't see that working out. But it wouldn't hurt to try. Just to hell her you don't want a kid. Chances are she'll say "it wont work out then." How long have you two been dating? If you don't mind my asking.

Oh wait you're talking to her? Then yeah just tell her you don't want a child and that'll be the end of that. If she says anything but that chances are later in the future she'll break up/divorce you because of that. Or who knows maybe later you'll end up changing your mind. Good luck.

I'm only 20 and I already want a kid. haha. My parents are old and I can afford it so I don't see why not.

Originally posted by ReadyPower
So the lady I am talking to... just told me she wants to have a child... but myself.. I am not interested in the responsibility to raise a child... plus, I really do not want to have a kid who at this rate- when he is 20 is going to be living in an even more police state run society than we see today.

She is a nice person.. but damn.. if she is TRYING to get pregnant.. and I am trying to avoid it, how is that going to work out? I don't want to just ditch her.. but I feel if I don't get her pregnant she might just cheat anyway to accomplish that so what is the point?

Anyway what would you do?

The best thing you both could do is to go your separate ways, it's apparent you both are not good matches for each other if you disagree on this major issue. So many relationships are formed without pertinent questions being asked, one being do you want children? Forcing parenthood on anyone is crazy and most certainly not a good foundation for a relationship.

Originally posted by ReadyPower
So the lady I am talking to... just told me she wants to have a child... but myself.. I am not interested in the responsibility to raise a child... plus, I really do not want to have a kid who at this rate- when he is 20 is going to be living in an even more police state run society than we see today.

She is a nice person.. but damn.. if she is TRYING to get pregnant.. and I am trying to avoid it, how is that going to work out? I don't want to just ditch her.. but I feel if I don't get her pregnant she might just cheat anyway to accomplish that so what is the point?

Anyway what would you do?

Dear ReadyPower,

Clearly you two disagree on a deal breaker. Well, maybe, have you asked her if she would want to be with you if it meant never having kids? Having them kids just to please her might be even worse, certainly unfair to the kid. Be well.

Well, honestley, even if she cheated, had a baby, If you stay with her... You will love the child. Kids have that affect. Sooo, from a mother of 7... Mommy of 4, soon to be 5, ...if you really like this lady, you have 2 options

1. Have a baby. Maybe a compromise? Only 1, or adoption? (only child's arent so bad)

2. Let another man father, pay child support (if he not a deadbeat) and you play daddy... Which in this case you will still love child as your own...

If you dont love her tottally, she just a fking, not worth the "issues", move on. Dont deny her what she wants/needs. You can care without love, and if this is something she really really wants... Who are you to say no? (woman point of view, I may be femsle, but I see the male side, why my man love me so much, lol)

Trust me, it will hurt more to be dumped, than denied her "child"


Stipid droid, to many mistakes, and phone acting up, hope you get the "message" regardless.
Really hope that helps. Hugs cuz I jnow, even if you are msle, its hard to ket soneone go because its in their best interest.

Be cautious. Take b/c into your own hands. I'm a woman and I have seen plenty of women try to manipulate men into a variety of things with pregnancy. They think men will change their minds.

I know I sound cynical - but I'm just sayin'. Most women aren't that honorable (just like most men aren't), and you should be careful. It's just as easy for you to prevent a pregnancy as it is for her.

If you're "just talking" and you already know you have a HUGE disagreement like this, you both need to realize there's no future here.

reply to post by ReadyPower


Why don't you use birth control? You could use a condom. She could get one of those IOU things. Also try oral or anal sex or just use your hands with each other.

Do you guys have economical stability, do you love each other, do you agree on other topics, apart from having a baby..., do you come from similar educational back-ground and are both older than 25 and are mature individuals, if you have answered yes on these questions, considering having a child is not a wrong thing, yes times are not easy, right now, but they never were...my great- grand mum used to tell stories from the IWW and IIWW and we have never been a large family, my parents were both single children and so am I, my sons are 16 and 6. No dictatorship can ruin your family if you bring your child up with love and show always empathy for your fellow men/women.

As adults in relationships we may compromise on many things but parenthood should never be one of them. A child should be wanted by both adults, not forced on one of them, that's a very unhealthy tactic that could negatively affect not just the adults involved but that of the child.

reply to post by yourmamaknows


Lol, iud. Not making fun, lol just the I.o.u. Thing it is I. U. D.. Intra uterine device. As nd I think you have to have already given birth to recieve, but not 100 per sure. And I got preggo with one by a simple drunken f*ck this pull... Females can be devious ...

Dang.. If it early, let her know how you feel!

Originally posted by Schkeptick
Be cautious. Take b/c into your own hands. I'm a woman and I have seen plenty of women try to manipulate men into a variety of things with pregnancy. They think men will change their minds.

I know I sound cynical - but I'm just sayin'. Most women aren't that honorable (just like most men aren't), and you should be careful. It's just as easy for you to prevent a pregnancy as it is for her.

If you're "just talking" and you already know you have a HUGE disagreement like this, you both need to realize there's no future here.

edit on 3-6-2011 by Schkeptick because: (no reason given)

I too hate to sound cynical as well but what you said is true. I'm aware of a gentleman who is going through hell because he ignored the signs he should have moved on. He didn't want children but the woman he was involved with did and she unilaterally decided to get pregnant with his child. Five years down the road he's paying child support for a child he never wanted, can you imagine how that child may feel to not be wanted by it's father?

reply to post by ReadyPower


Ummmmm well.
RUN!!!!
You do not want any of it and you mention this person as "the lady you are talking to".
And she is just looking for pregnancy, and you think she'll cheat.
...
Dude
...
There is more here at risk than just your personal freedom.
...
Dude!!
...

Originally posted by showintail
reply to post by yourmamaknows

 

Lol, iud. Not making fun, lol just the I.o.u. Thing

it is I. U. D.. Intra uterine device. As nd I think you have to have already given birth to recieve, but not 100 per sure. And I got preggo with one by a simple drunken f*ck this pull... Females can be devious ...

Dang.. If it early, let her know how you feel!

I just drifted over from the Elenin/Doomsday threads. Looks like break time for me.

I am a female. I broke it off with several men in my 20s because they wanted to settle down and have children and I felt totally smoothered by the idea. Then I got married to a nice guy in my early thirtys so I could join the "grown up tribe and be normal" - BUT we both did not want children - that worked. Later, well maybe I am human - but I decided I did want a child, but not with my current husband who was not choosen as father material. (I know this sounds awful but I got sent to war and I really soul searched and came to the decision I wanted a child and had very hard work to do when I went home.) So I went home and sought divorce. Then I knew my days of playing games were over I was seeking a father for my future child and a husband. By the grace of the Universe I was granted these things late in life. I had my son at 38. It is the most profound and rewarding relationship I have ever had, this mom to child bond. I would not have been ready for, nor wanted it a day sooner then the Universe gifted me with this even though I was relatively underserving having a trail marriage and all. I really did not want a child at all for many years - heck I didn't want marriage for many years - and then I did.

You may not want one, or you may change your mind in 20 years - but this needs to be what YOU want, not what someone else wants. YOU HAVE TO WANT TO BE A PARENT. So this nice girl, she already knows - well don't think you need to be nice, or gamble on you might change your mind and love that baby if she has one, don't EVEN GO THERE WITH THAT KIND OF THINKING - every one says "yeah - you'll Love the baby no matter what" - because really you will - but this is not the same as desiring and chosing to seek parenthood and all those people who were accidents or had one will not like to read this - but there is a difference. Wanting, and working at getting pregnant - creates a different atmosphere then an "opps" -

When you desire it, and it finds you - from the moment of conception every little thing is a miracle - and that is what it should be. It is wonderful and blessed when you want it - and profound in ways that set your spirit on fire - BUT it is also the hardest thing your soul can endure because a whole new level of worry and sacrafice will open up for you - and you don't want an atom of doubt in that space. People don't tell you that part - how brutally hard it is if you are securely attached. That you would cut off your own arm with a pocket knife for the sake of your child. That you will lose sleep over high fevers. That you feel you might not go on if something were to happen. You hear it from time to time, but really listen. Your soul is bound to that child - you choose to bring into this world. The ulitimate responsibility and its just for the best there is no accident about that.

Good Luck, and be honest. She will appreciate that even if there are tears - because she will find another, and you have a right to actively choose if parenthood is the right decision for you or not.

look I do not want to say so, but two adults having sexual intercourse without anti conceptual means, will in most case turn out to result in off-spring, I had a little bit the impression, he is more troubled about the environment the child is going to grow up than he being a responsible parent, we all grow and change over time, and as a parent I have learned a lot from my children, over the years because I listened to them, parenting is interactive always.
My grand-mother used to tell us a funny story, one year after she married my grand-dad she told him she would like to have a child and start listing up the couples in their social circle which already had kids and my grand-dad bless his soul was listing the couples that did not have children so the tug of discussion went on for some time, they had one child, my dad, and were married for almost 50 years, my grand dad was a vet and my granny was employed with the city counsel, hence they had full-time jobs. My parents both single children, got divorced when I was 4 years old, nevertheless both of them loved me and remained friends for the rest of their lives, my father never missed the opportunity to tell me what a great woman my mum was, even after she passed away, and never felt burdened by the fact he paid alimony for me.
I know many people though that decided not to have children and once having reached a certain age felt sorry afterwards.

reply to post by ReadyPower


How's your bank balance?

If you care THAT much about a kid (your kid) growning up in Orwellian society then teach it well to create part of the solution and play your part to shape our world.

Or sit back and leave it to those who don't care and suffer the consequenses of old age and uncared for suffering.

Good luck.

Unfortunately it won't work out.

If she really wants kids and you don't it will only cause problems later on in the relationship.

I know you don't want to let her go but it isn't fair to lead her on knowing she wants kids and you don't.

Does she know how you feel about kids?

Did she say she wanted a kid now? or eventually? I think it is important to get these topics out of the way.

If she wants children, and you don't, it is a done deal. Just end it, no matter how much you like her. When it comes to agreeing on having children, both partners must be in full agreement, or it can lead to a lot of resentment.

reply to post by ReadyPower


I'd say end the relationship. If that's not an option in your mind...get a dog.

Get a vasectomy. We don't need any more reluctant parents in the world. If you really don't want kids, be pro-active enough to ensure you won't be able to, then tell her. If it's a deal killer, it's for the best. Just don't lead her on as if well, maybe you might change your mind some time in the future. That's just manipulative.