Walk into a bar jokes...

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posted on Aug, 3 2004 @ 10:35 PM
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Say your funniest "Walks into a bar" jokes.

Mine:
A priest, a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar. Then the second guy walks in...


Lets hear yours...




posted on Aug, 3 2004 @ 10:52 PM
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Originally posted by dreamlandmafia
Mine:
A priest, a rapist and a pedophile walk into a bar. Then the second guy walks in...



LMAO!!!
I've never heard that one.



posted on Aug, 26 2004 @ 09:20 AM
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OK, this is corny--be warned.

A man walks into a bar. It left a huge bruise on his forehead.



posted on Aug, 26 2004 @ 09:38 AM
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A horse walks into the bar,
The bartender says "Hey, why the long face?"



posted on Aug, 26 2004 @ 10:48 AM
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A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar, the bartender says "what is this, a joke?"



posted on Aug, 26 2004 @ 11:14 AM
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A drunk walks into a bar.thats it.



posted on Aug, 26 2004 @ 01:47 PM
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Originally posted by TrueLies



A drunk walks into a bar.thats it.


Yep thats all we do!



posted on Aug, 26 2004 @ 01:48 PM
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Originally posted by MoleMan
OK, this is corny--be warned.

A man walks into a bar. It left a huge bruise on his forehead.

LOL have never heard it like that b4

This is da 1 i heard " a man walks into a bar the next guys duck"



posted on Aug, 27 2004 @ 10:08 PM
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You all have it wrong.... its supposed to be....

Two men walk into a bar. Which is stupid because the second man should have ducked.



posted on Sep, 8 2004 @ 12:27 AM
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A piece of string walks into a bar , The bartender says " hey we don't serve strings in here" . The string goes outside and ties himself in the middle , unravels himself a bit and walks back in .
The bartender says " hey aren't you that string that was just in here ?"

"No" replies the string " I'm a freyed knot"



posted on Sep, 8 2004 @ 03:22 AM
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A termite walks into a saloon and says, is the bar tender here?





A polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'd like a..................................................................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................................................................... ...................................................................................................................................................... ............beer.


The bartender says HEY,, whats with the huge "PAWS"?



posted on Nov, 8 2004 @ 04:01 AM
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Ok, yeah, I couldn't remember it exactly, but the one I read was "..and the next guy ducked."

Here's a pretty funny one.

Two guys walking their dogs meet up outside of a restaurant (or bar, since this a bar jokes thread. The guy with a Pinscher asks his pal, the guy with a Chihuahua, if he wants to go in.
"They'll kick us out! We can't take our dogs in!"
The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead," puts on a pair of dark glasses and walks into the restaurant. The doorman apprehends him and says, "We don't allow dogs in the restaurant, sir."
The guy with the Pinscher says, "You don't understand. I'm blind. This is my guide dog. They are using Doberman Pinschers now," to which the doorman shrugs and lets him in.
The guy with the Chihuahua watches the exchange and dons a pair of dark glasses, then walks into the restaurant. The doorman stops him and says, "Sir, we don't allow dogs inside."
"You don't understand. I'm blind, and this is my guide dog," the guy with the Chihuahua says.
"A Chihuahua as a guide dog?" the doorman inquires skeptically.
"They gave me a Chihuahua?!"



posted on Nov, 8 2004 @ 03:06 PM
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A bum walks into a bar and begs for a drink, the bartender used to bums trying to beg for booze tells him to beat it. The bum smiles and says "what if I can show you something that'll make you want to buy me a drink?"

Though sceptical the bar tender agrees.

From one coat pocket the bum produces a frog and places it on the bar. From the other coat pocket he pulls out a mouse and places it on the bar. He then retrieves a tiny piano from an inside coat pocket and places it on the bar in front of the mouse.

The mouse hops up on the stool and begins to bang away at the piano as the frog sings "New York New York".

Stunned and amazed the bartender pours the bum a shot.

A few hours later and the bum has been drinking for free as the mouse and frog entertain the guests. During a rousing rendition of "Bill Baily". a man approaches the bum and offers him a million dollars for the mouse and frog. The bum refuses.

The bidding goes on and on, finally the bum tells the man: "How bout this, I'll sell you the frog for two hundred and fifty thousand."

The man pays for the frog and leaves. The shocked bartender stutters to the bum: "You idiot, you just gave away millions of dollars. That singing frog was amazing.

The bum just smiles: "Not really, the mouse is a ventriliquist."

Spiderj



posted on Nov, 8 2004 @ 05:58 PM
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A horse walks into the bar, The bartender says "Hey, why the long face?"


Replace "A horse" with "John Kerry".

For reassurance: I only sort of hate Kerry for backing off, but I still hate Bush with a passion!

Democrats: Check out the Funny Picture #3!

[Edited on 11/9/04 by diehard_democrat]



posted on Nov, 18 2004 @ 11:28 AM
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A pirate walks into a bar and one of the patrons notices that the steering wheel of the pirates ship is hanging out of his pants. He goes to the pirate and asks, Hey buddy why is there a ships steering wheel hanging out of your pants?

The pirate replies, AAARRRGG....its drivin' me nuts!



posted on Nov, 18 2004 @ 12:26 PM
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A duck walks into a bar, waddles up to the stool sits down and asks the bar tender,

hey pal, got any grapes....

bartender replies, nope I don't have any grapes....

The duck leaves..

next day the duck comes back, jumps up on the stool and asks the bartender.

hey pal, got any grapes....

bartender replies, no I don't, do you want anything else..

the duck gets up and leaves...

next day, the duck walks back into the bar jumps up on the stool and asks the bartender...

hey pal, got any grapes.... really mad and annoyed now, the bartender yells...

NO, I DON't have any grapes... and if you come in here again and ask me if I have any grapes, I'll nail your bill to the bar....

the duck leaves...

next day the duck walks into the bar, up on the stool and asks the bartender..

hey pal.... bartender glares at the duck and says "yeeeesss",
duck continues...

Got any nails... bartender says no.... I don't...

duck says... well then... do you have any grapes...




posted on Nov, 18 2004 @ 12:48 PM
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A guy walks into a bar.

He asks the bartender for two drinks. He gets his drinks, swills one down and pours the other over his right hand. The bartender looks at him funny but doesn't say a word. The guys orders two more and does the same thing. The third round the bartender asks, "Why do you keep pouring the second drink over your hand?" The guy replies," I'm trying to get my date drunk!"



posted on Nov, 19 2004 @ 03:09 PM
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So this seal walks into this club.....



posted on Nov, 22 2004 @ 09:22 AM
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2 blondes walk into a bar........you think one of them would have seen it!



posted on Nov, 22 2004 @ 12:53 PM
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Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State
Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last
week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this
building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds
around the building are so intense that they carry you
around the building and back into the _" The bartender
just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.

The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in
heck that could happen."

1st Man: "No it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets
up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the
street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind
whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor
window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own
eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."

1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again he jumps and
hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently
carries him around the building and into the _
Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

2nd Man: "Well what the heck, it works, I'll try it." So he
jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the 11th,
10th, 9th, 8th floors and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'

Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker:

"You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk


------Not a bar joke but-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Beltway had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars."

The bear replies, "If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady over there."

The bartender says, "Go ahead."

So the bear eats the lady and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't give beer to bears on drugs."

"What do mean," says the bear. "I'm not on drugs."

"Yes, you are, that was the barbituate."





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