The Rapture Cometh.... and Go...eth?

I know. I know. Another Rapture thread... but as the Angels say; "Fear Not!" For I have a theory on the proposed spiritual exodus proposed by Harold Camping, and here it is:

The Rapture is totally happening today! 100%.
Its just that no one qualifies, at least not enough people as to warrant mass die offs... or float aways, or turn into lights, whatever you envision. Personally I like the floating away image because for those of us who are going to burn in hell anyway, the "Saved" would make for good bb gun targets, but I digress.

Think of it like this;
Jews don't qualify because they don't believe Jesus was the Messiah, nor do they even recognize the Rapture.
Muslims don't qualify because, well.... you know.
Athiest.........moving on.
Pagans, Wiccans, Earth worshippers, Buddhist, Hindus...... man this isn't looking good at all, but....

We have a winner! CHRISTIANS!
Afterall they came up with the whole deal, well God did, but only the Christians heard this, so they'll get the thunder on this one. But wait! What is Christianity?

Christians are the people who recognize that Christ (aka J-dog) was the one and only son of God,
but what else was Jesus? He was Jewish. He was sent by his dad to come down and straighten out the 'Chosen Ones' who'd gone astray from the Word of God. He wasn't trying to create a new religion. He was trying to get the Jews to follow the rules of the old one. Long story short, the Jews aren't having it, and Jesus has to pull the Martyr card, and away he goes. His followers are left to continue his work, and so they call themselves Christians. They're still technically Jews (they just changed the name for PR reasons, because no one wants to be compared to the people who just killed the son of the Lawd, so...). Anywho; these Christians (aka Neo-Jews) spread out and try to get some new followers.
[This is where the "no one one qualifies" bit comes in]
As these Neo Jews spread out across the land, they're preaching what Christ taught them about the Big Guy upstairs, but those heathens aren't having any of this nonsense. They've got naked goddesses and polygamy, they don't want to hear about this "below the knee hem-lines, and prudish women" nonsense. So the Neo Jews decided to appease these tribal Europeans. So they invent Christmas and Easter, incorporating pagan rituals into Neo-Jewish beliefs. But in order to do this, the Christians have to give up a few of their old Jewish high holy days.
[That's probably Left Behind worthy right there, but we'll go on, seeing how we're on a roll]
The ploy works... for people more than God, but it works. Christianity takes off like a rocket. This new super religion takes off across the world. Yay!!! "Try this Jesus Juice, its delicous!" (I'll skip the crusades because... well you know). Anyway; Saturday is changed to Sunday, temples are turned to Churches and Cathedrals, and somewhere along the lines, a lot of Christians begin to confuse Christ with God, which goes wayyy against one of Judaism's Rules (and Christianity's rules for that matter). Do NOT worship ANY other gods, no idols, yada yada yada. So... out of all the people in the world... who exactly qualifies?

That being said..... Enjoy the Rapture!

Originally posted by Mactire
I know. I know. Another Rapture thread... but as the Angels say; "Fear Not!" For I have a theory on the proposed spiritual exodus proposed by Harold Camping, and here it is:

That being said..... Enjoy the Rapture!

the rapture cometh, the raptue goeth, those that said it would are fulleth

reply to post by locololo

Good one However you may want to trim that quote before a Mod comes along and beats you with a rubber hose. You were the first comment you realize.

Originally posted by Mactire
reply to post by locololo

 

Good one

However you may want to trim that quote before a Mod comes along and beats you with a rubber hose. You were the first comment you realize.

good idea! I was talking to my friend, and she said she is goign to take me to the movies, and then we go somewhere to talk, like we always do.

reply to post by locololo


Yeahhh.... I don't know what you're talking about.

reply to post by Mactire


I was talkign to my friend about what would she do today, if the rapture was true and it was our last day, and she said she would act like it's any normal day.