Fair go for Fathers!!!

G'day ATS,
I just wanted to get my message out there and hope any single dads here on ATS join in and speak out. All are welcome to provide input, not just the single dads and would love to perhaps gain a perspective from any single mothers out there regarding my story or any other dads on here willing to share their story.

Ok I'll try keep this as brief as possible as I could write pages of info relating to my story and my points of view on this subject matter as a whole. I have two kids I adore and love very much and believe I'm not getting a fair go in a lot of aspects with the situation I'm in.

Firstly I think I should and can't see why I shouldn't have more access to my kids. As it stands I have them every second weekend and also two nights per week just for dinner. I have done the court thing and hated every minute of it as I truly believed two adults, that being myself and my ex, should be willing and able to discuss arrangements between ourselves.

The last time we appeared in court an order was put in place stating that this was how we would go about it in future, and bypass the family court altogether. Recently I proposed a change for one of the weekday dinner nights to swap to another night. I wanted to have them Monday's instead of Tuesday's as my working situation allows every second Monday off. Aligning my Monday off to follow my weekend with them would allow an extra night to spend with the kids.

My daughter has just started kindy on Monday's and Wednesday's so that would allow me to get up Monday morning, get her ready for school and drive her there. As my son is younger I could spend the day with him and pick my daughter up from school in the afternoon and hear all about her exciting day. Then spend the afternoon and evening with them and drop them off after dinner. It's the little things (ie. Taking daughter to school that the ex takes for granted and has often complained about having to do) that I would love to do but can't!

I thought this was a reasonable request considering the court order that was put in place as I mentioned before. My ex dismissed my request instantly and claimed it affected her routine... HER ROUTINE!! What's more important? Her bloody routine or the kids spending more time with their dad? My kids love seeing me, infact everytime they get picked up from my house, as I carry them to the ex's car, they scream and cry wildly cause they don't want to leave. My son is only 18 months old and is already doing it. I know they adore their mother and I would never try take them away from her but surely it's in their best interest to see as much if their dad as possible wouldn't you agree?

I'm a very capable father and am 100% dedicated to raising my kids the right way and their mother knows this absolutely so why wouldn't she encourage the relationship I have with my kids? I don't understand, any single mums care to help me on this one?

So when I ask for extra time it's more often than not a "No!" yet if she needs to do something and needs someone to have kids it's suddenly ok and she has no problem asking me then. It's only when it suits her as she has all the leverage. She takes advantage of that as if she does need me to watch them, she knows I won't say no so she's out of trouble but if I ask for extra time get denied!

On top of all that (that last issue is only half of that problem) we have equal parental responsibility as stated in the court orders yet the ex never consults me about anything to do with the kids. She won't contact me if they're sick which I believe I have a right to know. When I have them if I have an issue I'll contact her immediately for her input as I believe even though we aren't together were still in this together.

I JUST WANT A FAIR GO!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway that's enough for now as it's getting late but I'll be here in the morning to reply to any of your replies and hopefully read a few of your stories and even some perspectives from the mothers of ATS!

Cheers ATS.

First off, your children are lucky to have you, so hang in there.

I'm afraid I had the opposite problem when my boys were young and I divorced their father. It was an inconvenience to have to take his kids for the weekend. The first time he did so, I actually went out with a girlfriend, he tracked me down, with the kids in the car, and told me he was going to drop them off at my home and call child protective services on me! Mind you, this was 5 hours into his weekend!! After 15 years of hell dealing with him, the best thing to come out of it, was when my oldest said to me recently, "You know mom, you never said anything bad about dad, you let us find out on our own. I love you."

So basically, no matter how bad it gets, just be there for them whenever you can, love them, support them, and you will be rewarded big time!!!!

Also, not sure what the laws are there, but here in my state, at 13, the child gets to choose where they want to live. That can be a good thing and a bad thing!