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I tried linking this..but it didn't work..so I posted elsewhere..

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posted on Jul, 27 2004 @ 04:11 AM
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There you have it..I screwed up! I didn't realize that I had originally posted something very personal and deep and emotional, on someone else's thread, a personal discussion between two members, that apparently was meant to be private. So, in light of my blunder, I decided to try linking it, but that didn't work out so I decided to repost it completely elsewhere, with added commentary. Hopefully I will have better results....well..here goes...

This is Why I Left Christianity:

I was introduced into Christianity at age 10.

I had no previous knowledge of Christianity or Heaven or a Hell, for none of those things were taught to me. My parents, open-minded as they were, taught me different religious and spiritual concepts on the sly. I remember getting a hardbound copy of ' Marian's Big Book Of Bible Stories' at Christmas
and I can remember reading all of it, very thoroughly and quickly, as I was an avid and intelligent reader, far ahead of my classmates,(your typical 'bookworm'). I liked it, insofar as to say to my mom,(who was raised Catholic), that I thought the stories were magical and fantastic in Nature. Wow! I was impressed! More like the child's way of saying, that like 'Aesop's Fables' had a good morale boost and ethical scale. I was later introduced to my first 'church experience, when my parents divorced. My mom, bound and determined to see her kids raised right, my brother and I were decked out in fancy-schmancy clothes and dragged unwittingly and quite early, one Sunday morning to a Cathedral on the west side of town. I sat in one of the long benches, polished to gleaming perfection(I would later find out this was a 'pew' ) and sat like a good girl, with my younger brother, and waited, while mom went to talk to a robed man. I saw in front of me, one of the most beautifully bound books I've ever seen. It read 'Peh-Salms' (Psalms, I later found out, the 'P' was silent). It was trimmed in gold, leafy pages, looked pretty! I was an artist.. I never left my home, without at least a pen, marker, crayon, or some drawing medium. You can guess what happened next! Blank Pages, filled to the brim with rainbows and flowers, and a house and sunshine, and..you get the gist Mom left with us, hustling us out, after ten minutes, with a very fuming expression on her face, and it had nothing to do with what I did. She didn't care, what I did. The priest told her, she would no longer be welcome in the house of God, because she divorced her husband, and that Catholicism, had changed the rules on the matter. Her response was,"You may have changed the rules. But God didn't!" Later, after 'The Talk', with mom, Bible School, Sundays of being dragged unwittingly into a high-fashion, boring show of blasphemy against women, and original sin, and so on....I learned to understand the Bible on my own terms, in my own way, and even fancied myself to be a Christian. That was until I read further, between the lines. That was, until I was still outcasted by my peers, even thought I had become Christian, like they claimed to be. That was before I really began to miss my father,(long gone by my teen years). That was, before my stepfather, was a firmly entrenched and accepted part of my life.
In all cases, I did whatever I could to crowd please, and STILL nothing worked. Only my mom and brother loved me, and accepted me, just as I was.
The Bible told me Jesus loved me, and God loved me. But they were empty words to me. Males in general didn't. My father abandoned me, my stepfather browbeat me, every chance he got, I felt like the male gender saw me as a defective piece of equipment, they couldn't fix. I couldn't be broken-spirited. I just had to think for myself; a crime in their eyes, that would have punishment ensuing if I digressed, from their way. I felt overall,
rejected from the Christian way, rejected by my father, and later, I was molested, by someone in the family. I really began to dislike this loving God everyone boasted of! The man who molested me was a reverend, who told me I was born wicked, and should be punished for enticing him. I felt sickened. I wanted justice! For all my rejection, I wanted answers! I felt like asking,"Why is all the other girls accepted by you, except for me? Am I not good enough to be your daughter?" I'm having a difficult time writing this right now. In short, I turned to the Goddess, committed my life and my Spirit to Her, and she has never forsaken me. She has always comforted me, in times of need, and strengthened and fueled my questions with answers that made sense. She hasn't made me hate or dislike God any further, but made me understand, that it is not God who rejected me, nor Christ, but the men in my life, thus far, have their 'human' failures and faults, just like me. I don't have a problem with others' faiths, or their convictions. I don't have a problem with Christianity in some respects, but in other respects, for example
in Corinthians,(not fond of that book in particular,) they talk of how women should be, and were treated, that a girls' rapist would be paid 50 shekels of silver, and forced to marry the girl. Or that menstruating, would have to travel several miles outside of the city, and stay away from all water sources for several days. I could cite several examples, however, I think the gist of what I'm saying is clear. Women in Christianity, are not viewed as equals. They are viewed as "lesser vessels" to men. Maybe not all women are treated as badly as I was, but I feel that I personally made the right choice of spiritual path, when I chose the Goddess instead. She has helped me tremendously, in that now I can deal with men, on an even footing. Yes, I still have issues, I need to seek my father about, and talk with him. Perhaps, that might helped me understand the male half of my Divinity a little better, and come to a better appreciation of it. For now though, I still shake my head.

I failed to also mention, my observations of complete ignonimity within my friend's evangelical/pentecostal church back in high school. Nor the spiteful comments of my appearance, and labeling from other church members, of how 'ungodly' and 'unrepentant' I appeared to be, especially when I asked pertinent questions, that required a thoughtful answer. Am I to be blamed, for being outrightly abused by my peers among the Christian brethren? Am I to be blamed, for looking elsewhere, when it seemed at the time, that the whole of humanity was against me? Or ignored me completely, when I was curious and wanted to know? I had some tough questions, granted. I didn't expect an easy or swallowable answer to any of them. Granted, I have long forgotten what they were, due to the length of time since. But at the time, ANY ANSWER, would have been preferable to COMPLETE SILENCE!!! I got silence in abundance. It wasn't until I explored Wicca, Druidism, Golden Dawn, Enochian Magick, OTO, and many other systems of The Mysteries, that I started to witness any silence, being suddenly opened, like a jar of worms., from the 'Christers', and 'Bible Thumpers'. Suddenly, then and only then, when I was too far educated about the TRUTH of the corruption of Christianity, did they beg for me to come visit their churches, donate to their causes, and proclaim'Christ as your personal Saviour'. Suddenly, I was having pamphlets thrown in my face, and debates, hot ones, of a deep philosophical and educational nature, were presented to me as counterarguments. I found my calling, finally, and I knew what my purpose was. Finally, the ANSWERS to those hard questions were given a name.
Christian Propoganda. Control the Masses. Convert or DIE, unsaved!

I am now, and have been for many years, a tried and true, magickally gifted,
High Priestess. THIS IS my true path of the Divine. This is where 'God' put me, and wants me to remain. I found my key
! I am a 'Disir' of Freyja; Goddess of Magick, Love and Beauty. An Elder, among the sisterhood of my foremothers who have come before me. I've shared the blood, sweat, sacrifice, mistreatment, mishandling, tears, and joy, and most importantly the deep, resounding echo of uniquely feminine spirituality, that I represent.

Any thoughts, comments, or shared stories from fellow pagans/Wiccans and those of like mind are welcome here




posted on Jul, 27 2004 @ 06:26 PM
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I posted a reply in the other thread. And I also cannot seem to link to it properly.


I posted there before I noticed you had made this thread. Or I would have posted it here. But nothing I said there is untrue. I do not wish to debate the "rightness or wrongness" of my beliefs or yours. I can only aid in your understanding. But before one can understand, one must be willing to learn.

You said "Finally, the ANSWERS to those hard questions were given a name. Christian Propoganda."

I have another name for it-- Confusion and misunderstanding.

Take care.

.



posted on Jul, 28 2004 @ 01:33 AM
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Perhaps there was confusion or misunderstanding on their part. I won't deny that. I don't hate Christians or Christianity. I only dislike the pushy, one-track minded answers, and outright bigotry toward other religions, that many seem to be of the opinion. I value open and broadmindedness in anyone. And as I posted in the other thread, there are a few rare gems, I've encountered in my life, that are truly unique and I listen to them. I value and truly listen. I consider and ponder their thoughts, and chew on them for a while, before I form my own opinions. I do seek understanding, on my own level. I tend to put on the backburner,as it were, the "recylo-can", "ready-made" answers, to counterarguments, questioning their faith. These are among the "propaganda" that I mentioned earlier,(for those who wondered). For those who seek true understanding, these simple, quick and ready made answers to any questions concerning their faith, are the ones, that annoy those of another background. It is not realized, by the person who says them, but they serve, not to enlighten or "witness", they serve to alienate, and reveal, that these people have little thoughts outside of the quota, other than what is taught, or if they have something original and different to defend their answers, they don't share them. Those of varying backgrounds, feel that perhaps they should share the more original, and profound and personal thoughts, for they give more credence and solidity to the original "recyclo-can" answers. It would certainly give a more rounded and realistic, more easy to talk to approach. I don't mean to criticize, nor am I bashing. I'm not saying anyone is more right or wrong than the other. I speak of approaches and handling of topics of a religious or spiritual nature.
It seems we all as humans have much to learn, and group dynamics, as a general subject, should be taught more often.





 
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