There you have it..I screwed up! I didn't realize that I had originally posted something very personal and deep and emotional, on someone else's
thread, a personal discussion between two members, that apparently was meant to be private. So, in light of my blunder, I decided to try linking it,
but that didn't work out so I decided to repost it completely elsewhere, with added commentary. Hopefully I will have better results....well..here
This is Why I Left Christianity:
I was introduced into Christianity at age 10.
I had no previous knowledge of Christianity or Heaven or a Hell, for none of those things were taught to me. My parents, open-minded as they were,
taught me different religious and spiritual concepts on the sly. I remember getting a hardbound copy of ' Marian's Big Book Of Bible Stories' at
and I can remember reading all of it, very thoroughly and quickly, as I was an avid and intelligent reader, far ahead of my classmates,(your typical
'bookworm'). I liked it, insofar as to say to my mom,(who was raised Catholic), that I thought the stories were magical and fantastic in Nature.
Wow! I was impressed! More like the child's way of saying, that like 'Aesop's Fables' had a good morale boost and ethical scale. I was later
introduced to my first 'church experience, when my parents divorced. My mom, bound and determined to see her kids raised right, my brother and I were
decked out in fancy-schmancy clothes and dragged unwittingly and quite early, one Sunday morning to a Cathedral on the west side of town. I sat in one
of the long benches, polished to gleaming perfection(I would later find out this was a 'pew' ) and sat like a good girl, with my younger brother,
and waited, while mom went to talk to a robed man. I saw in front of me, one of the most beautifully bound books I've ever seen. It read
'Peh-Salms' (Psalms, I later found out, the 'P' was silent). It was trimmed in gold, leafy pages, looked pretty! I was an artist.. I never left my
home, without at least a pen, marker, crayon, or some drawing medium. You can guess what happened next! Blank Pages, filled to the brim with rainbows
and flowers, and a house and sunshine, and..you get the gist Mom left with us, hustling us out, after ten minutes, with a very fuming expression on
her face, and it had nothing to do with what I did. She didn't care, what I did. The priest told her, she would no longer be welcome in the house of
God, because she divorced her husband, and that Catholicism, had changed the rules on the matter. Her response was,"You may have changed the rules.
But God didn't!" Later, after 'The Talk', with mom, Bible School, Sundays of being dragged unwittingly into a high-fashion, boring show of
blasphemy against women, and original sin, and so on....I learned to understand the Bible on my own terms, in my own way, and even fancied myself to
be a Christian. That was until I read further, between the lines. That was, until I was still outcasted by my peers, even thought I had become
Christian, like they claimed to be. That was before I really began to miss my father,(long gone by my teen years). That was, before my stepfather, was
a firmly entrenched and accepted part of my life.
In all cases, I did whatever I could to crowd please, and STILL nothing worked. Only my mom and brother loved me, and accepted me, just as I was.
The Bible told me Jesus loved me, and God loved me. But they were empty words to me. Males in general didn't. My father abandoned me, my stepfather
browbeat me, every chance he got, I felt like the male gender saw me as a defective piece of equipment, they couldn't fix. I couldn't be
broken-spirited. I just had to think for myself; a crime in their eyes, that would have punishment ensuing if I digressed, from their way. I felt
rejected from the Christian way, rejected by my father, and later, I was molested, by someone in the family. I really began to dislike this loving God
everyone boasted of! The man who molested me was a reverend, who told me I was born wicked, and should be punished for enticing him. I felt sickened.
I wanted justice! For all my rejection, I wanted answers! I felt like asking,"Why is all the other girls accepted by you, except for me? Am I not
good enough to be your daughter?" I'm having a difficult time writing this right now. In short, I turned to the Goddess, committed my life and my
Spirit to Her, and she has never forsaken me. She has always comforted me, in times of need, and strengthened and fueled my questions with answers
that made sense. She hasn't made me hate or dislike God any further, but made me understand, that it is not God who rejected me, nor Christ, but the
men in my life, thus far, have their 'human' failures and faults, just like me. I don't have a problem with others' faiths, or their convictions.
I don't have a problem with Christianity in some respects, but in other respects, for example
in Corinthians,(not fond of that book in particular,) they talk of how women should be, and were treated, that a girls' rapist would be paid 50
shekels of silver, and forced to marry the girl. Or that menstruating, would have to travel several miles outside of the city, and stay away from all
water sources for several days. I could cite several examples, however, I think the gist of what I'm saying is clear. Women in Christianity, are not
viewed as equals. They are viewed as "lesser vessels" to men. Maybe not all women are treated as badly as I was, but I feel that I personally made
the right choice of spiritual path, when I chose the Goddess instead. She has helped me tremendously, in that now I can deal with men, on an even
footing. Yes, I still have issues, I need to seek my father about, and talk with him. Perhaps, that might helped me understand the male half of my
Divinity a little better, and come to a better appreciation of it. For now though, I still shake my head.
I failed to also mention, my observations of complete ignonimity within my friend's evangelical/pentecostal church back in high school. Nor the
spiteful comments of my appearance, and labeling from other church members, of how 'ungodly' and 'unrepentant' I appeared to be, especially when I
asked pertinent questions, that required a thoughtful answer. Am I to be blamed, for being outrightly abused by my peers among the Christian
brethren? Am I to be blamed, for looking elsewhere, when it seemed at the time, that the whole of humanity was against me? Or ignored me completely,
when I was curious and wanted to know? I had some tough questions, granted. I didn't expect an easy or swallowable answer to any of them. Granted,
I have long forgotten what they were, due to the length of time since. But at the time, ANY ANSWER, would have been preferable to COMPLETE SILENCE!!!
I got silence in abundance. It wasn't until I explored Wicca, Druidism, Golden Dawn, Enochian Magick, OTO, and many other systems of The Mysteries,
that I started to witness any silence, being suddenly opened, like a jar of worms., from the 'Christers', and 'Bible Thumpers'. Suddenly, then
and only then, when I was too far educated about the TRUTH of the corruption of Christianity, did they beg for me to come visit their churches, donate
to their causes, and proclaim'Christ as your personal Saviour'. Suddenly, I was having pamphlets thrown in my face, and debates, hot ones, of a
deep philosophical and educational nature, were presented to me as counterarguments. I found my calling, finally, and I knew what my purpose was.
Finally, the ANSWERS to those hard questions were given a name.
Christian Propoganda. Control the Masses. Convert or DIE, unsaved!
I am now, and have been for many years, a tried and true, magickally gifted,
High Priestess. THIS IS my true path of the Divine. This is where 'God' put me, and wants me to remain. I found my key
! I am a 'Disir' of
Freyja; Goddess of Magick, Love and Beauty. An Elder, among the sisterhood of my foremothers who have come before me. I've shared the blood, sweat,
sacrifice, mistreatment, mishandling, tears, and joy, and most importantly the deep, resounding echo of uniquely feminine spirituality, that I
Any thoughts, comments, or shared stories from fellow pagans/Wiccans and those of like mind are welcome here