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The explosion.

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posted on Apr, 15 2011 @ 04:07 PM
So it had started.

I could hear her screaming my name. It rang in my ears like a hammer on a solid steel drum, except this time I couldn't just ignore it. "SONNY!!.... SONNY!!" Oh God?.. Can I just ignore this..? Can I just try to "zone out"..? "SONNY, God damn it, Sonny!! Get up!!!"

As I opened my eyes, I saw her. She had lips that could cause a traffic jam on a clear country lane and hips that made me want to thank God I was a man. Her bosom was large and flowing. They looked crammed full of milky goodness and seemed to say, "Wowaweewa!!!" I remembered her as "Jill."

As my eyes drifted from her bosom I couldn't help but see the twisted wreckage of torsos, limbs, blood, fire and rubble all around me. What the hell happened? The last I remember I was rolling snake eyes in the Floozy Casino downtown.

As I got up..

*Right, hold on, hold on a minute?? What did you just say?? Did you just say he got up?? But I thought there were all these torsos and limbs lying all around the place.. was there some sort of explosion or something?? He was unconscious a minute ago, now you're just saying "oh, he got up"?? C'mon mate, do better than that, that's pure crap - How are we supposed to buy this story, with that kind of crap story line? Hmm?*

>Look mate, do you see me coming barging into your story with plot holes galore? No! No, you don't do you? So why do it to me? I'm only writing this story for fun OK, it's not a nobel peace prize nomination or anything, it's just a bit of fun ok??

*Yes, that's fair enough, but we at least want a story that has a little substance, not some random crap that you haven't properly thought out.. I mean, I was - *

>SHUT UP. Just SHUT UP OK? I'm trying my bloody well best here. Where's your story then hmm?? Where's your story???? Go on!! Where's the link?? C'mon! Let's all see your stinkin' story then.

*Haha.. There's no point passing the blame on to me. We're here to criticize your story. Think of it as constructive criticism. And besides, I just read the stories - I'm rubbish at making up stories..*

>So then just keep your trap closed in future, you've totally thrown me off my train of thought now.

*Ok, Ok... So the guy gets up...*

Right.. Yes, so the guy gets up... ..and he, he.. says, wow.. I survived..

> Look - Screw this. You've bloody ruined the story. Thanks mate. Thank a lot.


> Yes, real funny pal.

> Consider yourself reported to the ATS Mods.

*oooooohh, I'm scared....*

> Well you'd better be!!

*Look.. you do realize you haven't even posted this story yet and I'm inside your head?? Don't you?*

>Riiight.. I must remember not to feed the trolls.

*Haha, I'm serious. You're a wack job, and if you press that little "post" button down below. They'll all know it."

*You're a wack job!!!*

*Totally NUTS!!*

*Ha ha ha ha ha!*

> I don't believe you. I'm not that easy.

*Go on then, press the post button.*

> Fine then. We'll see.

posted on Apr, 15 2011 @ 04:19 PM
reply to post by coder22


posted on Apr, 15 2011 @ 04:21 PM
reply to post by PoopDawg

I appreciate it was a little "out there" but I thought I'd give it a shot.

You know? Try something different.
edit on 15-4-2011 by coder22 because: (no reason given)

posted on Apr, 15 2011 @ 04:25 PM
reply to post by coder22

It was entertaining.
I thought it was an actual convo until the end.

posted on Apr, 15 2011 @ 06:19 PM
I liked it.


Yeah... shows some beans.

>More like beanie. You know, the one with propellors on top.

>At least it had some real punch. Better than the last try at writing something.

Well... I thought that was pretty good too, but this one's better. I liked the Jill reference best out of it. Had relevance to what's been going on. It's... uh... contemporary!

> Pffft. More Punch and Judy if you asked me.

Meh... always the critic and never the writer. You should hear yourself...

>Kiss my grits, fanboi

edit on 15/4/11 by masqua because: A toast

posted on Apr, 16 2011 @ 06:12 AM
reply to post by masqua

You can always tell how good a story is by the amount of S & Fs it got.
> Yeah, this one got zero and zero.
> ...
So it did.

> Stay tuned for another rubbish story by me.
Certainly will!

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