posted on Dec, 16 2010 @ 09:25 AM
I remember when my daughter told me what it was that finally lifted the gloom of her years of teenage angst.
"It was something you told me when I first came up to NH to live with you after mom died," she said.
I was surprised.
"You told me that these weren't the best years of my life. In fact, you told me that these were probably the worst years of my life, since they're
transition years and years when I'm being formed into what I'll be as an adult."
"So, why did that make you feel better?" I guess I hadn't really considered that she'd even heard me say anything those initial months as we'd
struggled to get used to being a newly formed family of two.
"All my life, I'd been told 'Enjoy yourself now, because these are the best years you'll get in life. Don't waste them.' I wasn't having fun,
so I was sure that I wasn't ever going to have any fun. You told me that wasn't true."
"It's not true. You'll love being an adult and having the choice to be who and what you want to be."
She smiled. "That's what I mean. I didn't blow it already. I can still be happy someday. That takes a lot of pressure off me."
Today, 15 years later, she's happy and has a wonderful husband who loves her, and two very cute little children that she really gets a kick out of. I
was right. She loves being an adult.
The secret to happiness in this life is akin to what I told her, but it's bigger and more of a secret than even that bit of truth was for her. In
fact, this secret is one that most folks really have a hard time with when you tell it to them. Still, I'm going to share it with you anyway. You do
what you want with it.
The truth is that this life is the second stage of a two-stage process of gestation that the human being endures before emerging as the completed and
viable being that it actually is intended to be. That may seem a bit mundane as far as secrets go - especially on this board - but the implications
Your first stage of gestation involved the construction of your corporeal body, and none of you had any control over how that first stage went. Most
of us missed out on the "lucky sperm lottery" and didn't get the tall, slender, beautiful and rich bonus package, and while we generally get by
with what we were handed, most of us would've preferred to have had a bit more input on how that gestational stage was handled. Most of us also
believe that this stage was the only stage of gestation, and that this life IS life, and (like my daughter believed about pre-adulthood) that these
are the only years we'll be given to have the best chance at happiness and success that we can hope for. The good news is that both she (my daughter)
and most of us are completely wrong about what we believe.
This life you're living - this second stage of gestation - is completely controlled by you. This is the good news. The bad news is that most people
have no idea that this is what corporeal life actually is, and it's bad news because they let circumstance and other people do all the crafting of
their true and final version of self for them. And while neither circumstance, nor anyone else, has it in for any of us (beyond the usual enemies we
all make as life progresses from one circumstance to the next), it's also true that neither circumstance, nor anyone else, is actively trying to
ensure that we don't cripple our ultimate selves through our own inattention to this self development process.
After all, like us, no one around us realizes that we're all forming our eternal selves as we live from moment to moment. We're all too immersed
within the drama of life, and easy prey for the layers of distraction that shoulder their way into our field of vision. How can anyone expect to focus
on self development with all this going on around us and so much that needs to get done if we're to be successful at......
Well, at being productive members of society. The usual stuff. Paying bills, keeping a roof over our heads, improving our lot in life, progressing in
our careers/social standings/enlightenments/spiritualities/artistic-intellectual prowesses/whatever-it-ends-up-being-that-makes-life-worth-living.
Living a successful life.
And a successful life is....?
I'll tell you the truth, and it's still a secret to most people. A successful life is ensuring that this second stage of your gestation gives you
the tools and capacities to be the best version of who you are that you can craft. Building a business empire will give you nothing in gestation
unless you build it happily and through your brilliance and personal strength of character. If you do, then your corporeal empire will preview your
eternal empire of brilliance and honor, as a true wonder to the eternal realm.
If you build that business empire through guile or bitter competition, then your ultimate self will be severely crippled, since in the eternal realm,
the value system is based on character, not wealth, and there's nothing to hide behind - no shelter from the truth of what you've made of yourself.
Better that you'd have been a positive and loving economic failure in your corporeal gestation, and suffered through those indignities with courage
and grace. Then, those powerful attributes would have transformed your existence upon birth into the eternal realm, and you'd be one of the fortunate
few. Like the lucky sperm club members of the corporeal phase.
So, what's the good news? It's obvious. You are in complete control over your ultimate success, and while you're still in this second stage of
gestation, you can work to become whatever and whomever you wish to spend forever being. You didn't get the opportunity to choose your birth parents
or circumstances while a fetus, but you do get to completely determine the final version of yourself.
And when you get undercut by some predator, as we all do from time to time, and get bested by some hyper achiever, as happens eventually to each of
us, it's helpful to remember that losing in this corporeal phase is in not making the effort to learn from such experiences, and in not being
grateful for the chance to learn from them. These are the events that teach you to be better, stronger, and more significant as the human being
It also helps to realize that before you were even born, as you were being formed in your mother's womb, you'd already won the biggest jackpot in
all of existence. You're a human being, and that's as monumental a gift as can be given by circumstance, or fate, or however you want to view it.
Even a suffering human being is more blessed than the most contented dining room table ever made. Or the biggest rock in the field. And as an added
bonus, that suffering human being has the opportunity to be consciously grateful for the pain and agony, and to view such circumstance as the elite
training course that it can be for such a magnificent person.
Not all carbon is allowed the opportunity to become a diamond. If it could be asked, most carbon would claim that it could've handled the heat and
the pressure, but that it never was given the chance to prove it. Maybe so, but the truth is that we'll never know. It wasn't given the chance. That
heat and pressure - that agony - was never presented to it. As such, it will never be a flawless diamond. Maybe it would've been the greatest diamond
of all, had it only been allowed to suffer the cost.
Be happy knowing that with each blindside you respond to with grace, dignity and magnanimity, you graduate from yet another course in becoming a
quality human being. This is how you enjoy every moment of life. This is how your eternity becomes your most wonderful phase of existence.