You know, I was 'sitting on that fence' for most of my adult life. I don't think I even realized it (or admitted it), because while I have always
believed in a divine creator, I never had faith. I never read the bible and challenged it because so much of it relies on having 'faith' and I am a
very black/white person and self-proclaimed control freak. Faith is all about giving up that control and to be frank, that scared the heck out of
Just recently I had a life-changing experience. Now, I don't want to come across as preaching or trying to push an agenda here, I am not. I am
hoping that maybe by sharing this with you it could possibly lead you to answering some of your questions...in you own time and way. The fact that
you are looking for these answers I think indicates that you maybe are already aware of some of the things I have recently discovered.
I have read about meditation and chakras, etc. several times but never explored it although it interested me. Again...that whole black/white,control
does not fit in there.
Well, for the past several years I, like so many other people these days, have been looking more and more for the reason of
my existence. I finally decided to try meditating, ironically, after reading a thread here on ATS about it. I have experienced all of the elements
before,but never put them together. I figured I would fall asleep and be done with it. Boy was I in for a surprise. Instead of falling asleep, I
'opened' my awareness of this absolutely incredible energy whithin that eminates from deep in the pit of your stomach and (if concentrated on),
spreads through your body giving you this feeling of complete euphoria and just plain 'goodness'. I was at the same time enthralled, excited,
amazed, confused and a little scared. What in the world was this?
I spent the next two days reading up on this and found that this 'energy' in fact has a name. Kundalini. Look it up,lots of info on it. So....I
started to go down that road. The very next time I meditated, I concentrated on it more and 'moved' it up to me head. The experience was even more
incredible, it is hard to even explain. BUT...the rational, control freak in me was even more scared. I was really quite confused for a few days and
a little worried about my rational. Then, again after reading some other threads here at ATS, I realized I was at a crossroads. I could go down the
'astral plane' and some other mythical road, or I could, to simply put it, turn to God. Once I determined that, the answer was easy. That night, I
did what I should have been doing from the begining; pray. I have 'prayed' all my life but this was the first time that I REALLY prayed. It's hard
Without getting too religious with you (I have always hated to be preached to) I feel that my awareness of this world around me has been enhanced and
changed forever. I know now that the energy I have felt all my life is real. It is in every living thing and connects us all. Ofcourse there is a
creator, how couldn't there be? The holy spirit, as it is called in the bible, is the thread that connects us all and our direct link back home once
our training here on earth is over.
Being a realist, I always need proof of something before believing it. There could be no greater proof than the incredible energy of the holy spirit
that I have now 'tapped' into. My whole attitude has changed from negative to positive. I am finally at peace with things because I now have
faith. I know that everything will ultimately be alright and that God is always there.....if we just allow ourselves to feel it. We truly are all
created equally and we are all connected to each other by this energy. Let me ask you this: Have you ever been to a church service and experienced
that warm, comforting feeling while everyone is singing together? That is a VERY small taste of what the holy spirit is. I know now that is real, it
is there and I have finally found the faith that I have been lacking all my life and the changes in my life are already apparant.
This past Sunday both my daughter and I were baptized. It was amazing.
I hope you find your answers...I know it is a unique experience for everyone. If you were to talk to me a month ago, I would be saying some very
diferent things....the change in me is amazing and it's obvious to my friends and family....that I am happy and 'different'. Our lives here are
a wonderful gift and I believe only the begining!!