It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.


Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.


~Tom's reality~

page: 1

log in


posted on Aug, 3 2010 @ 07:11 PM
my latest attempt at a short story:

~Tom's Reality~

"Tom! Wake up!"

His space helmet seemed to feel more and more like a pillow, the laser he was firing from his fortified postion felt more and more like the television remote control.

"Tommy! It is time to get up"

Tom's eyes opened and it was still dark, he lifted the pillow from his face, and dropped the television remote. His teeth felt odd, They seemed numb, as if they were dead at thier roots. He bagan to click his jaw and noticed his mouth was full. When he coughed, small fragments of teeth poured into his hand. As he made his way quickly to the bathroom he was spitting out the last of them. When he reached the bathroom and looked into the mirror he immediately had thoughts of his grandfather's dentures.

" Tom! Wake up!"

He realized all of a sudden that the mirror was on the ceiling and he was lying on his back. Placing his index finger into his mouth he felt his gums and was surprised to feel all his teeth just where they should be.

"Tommy! Get up right now!"

Tom groaned, rolled out of bed and let his feet find his slippers. Slowly he made his way into the mess hall to grab a tray. When he walked up to the line and pulled a tray from the stack, he found he was already dressed in uniform and clean shaven. After piling on a huge portion of scrambled eggs and sausage links, Tom stepped on the conveyor belt that wound around the room passing through all of the table aisles. Tom stepped off the belt at his usual table and awoke suddenly on the floor next to his bed.

"Tommy! Tommy, are you all right ?"

" I am fine I fell out of my bunk" Tom said.

Tom had a hard time keeping his feet once he stood up. The water must be very choppy today he thought as he pulled on his trousers and adjusted his cap. He didnt feel comfortable shaving with the vessel as unsteady as it was, but before he knew it, he was cutting himself on the chin with the razor. Cursing aloud he stared at the blood dripping down his neck and back up to his chin where the blade dug a nice inch long slice. It wasnt deep but it stung something aweful. He stared at the wound and it slowly started to close from both ends towards the middle,melting into a seamless scarless patch of skin. Somehow this did not surprise him, and he began to remember all of the other things he was capable of.

A gentle breeze greeted him as he walked out of his cabin on to the roof of his apartment building. He took a long deep breath and slowly leaned backwards. But he did not fall. As Tom leaned back his feet floated up until he was hovering four feet off of the roof top, his head and shoulders just a few inches above his feet. He felt as though he were floating in a pool and he let the breeze, like waves in the ocean, push and pull him where it may. He glided aimlessly above the city his thoughts free and light hearted for the first time in years. It was an emotion he had not felt since he was with her.

"Tom! Wake up!"

The breeze died down and he started to descend slowly back towards his sailboat. He saw her standing at the bow. Her long brown dreadlocks and porcelian-like skin glistened from the reflection of the setting sun on the water. She was smiling and it made his heart skip beats. He glided down and landed on his feet next to her. Tom looked longlingly into her deep brown eyes. All he wanted was to hold her one last time. he extended his arms towards her, and she slowly let herself be drawn in.

"Tommy! Get up !!

Her face became cloudy and her warm body evaporated. Tom woke up holding his pillow in a bear hug, tears in his eyes.
He walked over to the balcony and looked down. He took a deep breath and his nostrils were filled with the foul oder of automobile exhaust and rotten food. He changed the station on the radio, took off his seat belt, and drifted back off to sleep.

He looked at the window set into the ceder door of the sauna. She was banging on the window frantically and furiously, shouting something incoherant.The sweat was pouring off him now, it felt like the dams had been broken and little waterfalls were rushing all over his body.

"Tommy! Wake up RIGHT NOW !!"

"five more minutes, just five more minutes hun" he managed to gasp.

She smashed out the window with an empty gas can and unlocked the car door. He felt her arms wrapped around him and saw his legs splayed out before him, as she dragged him backwards out of the garage and into the driveway. His vision was cloudy but he knew it was her and he was in her arms.

"Tom,What on G_d's earth did you think you were doing ?!? I stopped by to pick up the girls for the Girlscout jamboree,where are they ?!?"

"It felt so good to be held by you." was all Tom could muster the energy to whisper before he was loaded into the ambulance with a smile on his face.

[edit on 3-8-2010 by Mike Stivic]

posted on Sep, 6 2010 @ 01:46 PM
That's a different story. Waking from dreams into dreams. Very interesting. Thanks for posting it.

posted on Sep, 8 2010 @ 01:10 PM
reply to post by Skid Mark

Thanks for reading it! When I was younger I would often wake up in the morning to find myself still in a dream, that is where I found inspiration for the story. it is an awful feeling to post an original piece and recieve no feedback, your comment is MUCH appreciated. TY


posted on Sep, 21 2010 @ 01:17 PM
Hey meathead, just got around to this one but wanted to say I enjoyed it. Nice transitions and building of anticipation, with just enough ambivalence to evoke the imagination into an effort to make sense of the story as it is read.
Keep up the good work friend!


posted on Sep, 22 2010 @ 07:01 AM
reply to post by speculativeoptimist

Thanks Spec,

Coming from you that means alot, when I wrote it I had hoped to get his desperation through in tone, without revealing it was an actual suicide attempt until the end.

I also have a long standing problem with run-on sentances, I just never really know whether to put a period or a comma...

Thanks Again for reading it and commenting.



log in