Teen Pregnancy. "Can't happen to me".

I'm putting this in the Gray Area because it's a personal experience that I had this weekend. I've got 2 daughters in their mid teens. Most of their friends call me Dad because theirs either aren't around or they don't give a damn about their kids. I try to instill in them some knowledge that they should have. "No glove, no love" being foremost. My kids got that down pat. Unfortunately I guess "Becky" didn't get the message. Fri. night I was informed that she had gotten pregnant by her first boyfriend. He's 19, she won't be 16 until Oct.

It was just like in the Everlast song:

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom who said he was in love
He said don't worry about a thing baby doll I'm the man you've been dreamin' of
But three months later he said he won't date her or return her calls...

www.elyrics.net...

That's where it was. He wouldn't even talk to her. Easy for him, he lives 2 hours drive away(6 by bus), right? No effing way. I drove her yesterday to talk to this chump. I don't know how the conversation went down. She didn't want me to meet him. She was afraid of what I might do. But he now knows that he has a commitment here and he damn well better not just cut her off.



This is a good, kind, sensitive girl. She can't handle a pregnancy, I don't think she could handle an abortion either. Let's not get into that debate. The point is it can and DOES happen to anyone. Talk to your teens. Girls AND boys. Let them know what can and eventually for some WILL happen. You can stop teens from having sex, never could but you can give them the tools they need for not screwing up their young lives.

reply to post by intrepid


Good advice Intrepid and I agree.

Having kids myself and going through the whole "pregnancy" scare a few years back with my oldest, it's not something a teenager wants, or should have to deal with.

I'm actually kind of glad you didn't meet this kid, knowing you that probably would not have gone too well lol.

~Keeper

I am confused, you said that your kids "got that down", but unfortunately "Becky didn't get the message". Is Becky your child?

Does your State or Country consider sex with a 15-year-old child legal? If not then the police need to be called. Seriously I am not kidding!

If this is not your child then you are actively participating in the exploitation of a minor, even if you think you are doing the right thing. Why? Because you are not the Lawful Parent!!!!

Here is my advice to you. You need to call your local Pharmacy and find out if the 'Morning After' pill is available there. Some Pharmacies refuse to carry it. It is perfectly legal and does not need a prescription. It must be purchased through the Pharmacist though as a precaution. Likely an Adult can be present during a sale to a minor but I would highly recommend a parent, not a friend's parent.

You need to include this as an option in your lesson plan. No glove No Love is stupid as a true plan because gloves aren't going to fit everyone and some do fail if not more than not with a younger person! The Morning After is meant to eliminate a zygote within 24-48 hours of inception. The persons involved can know if they suspect a problem; rips, breaks, spills, or thrills, they know what happened. They need to know what is available to them.

I am quite shocked at all of this coming from an adult's standpoint of a child's listening skills. Sorry!

"Becky" is a bit lucky having you around, think of some others who dont.

Good job Intrepid.

I agree with poster above, you need to report this.

[edit on 1-8-2010 by RainCloud]

Great Advice!

I am 19 turning 20, and A kid would be the last thing I would want. I dont even want to date for the fear that a committment would possibly muck up my future. Selfish I know. I know many young girls in my town of 3000 that have children and quite a few who have had abortions. Non of them are happy with initial decision. Thanks!

WOW

the big thing about it, is that it happens all the time, everywhere and there is nothing we can do about it, since the education 99% of the people in this planet receives is poor, so, its hard

she just lost his life right now, since to take care of a child is not an easy task and requires a lot of money obviously ...

the answer now I think is adoption ...

reply to post by Greensage


No, she's my oldest's friend. I'm a surrogate parent. Her mother doesn't give a damn about her, she'll blow a gasket though when she finds this out and her stepfather is a spineless weasel. The age of consent in Canada is 14, I believe, so there's not a lot of legal options, he being a teen as well. Secondly she's 3 months along. No pill will work now.

Edit: Yeah, no legal recourse:

It is now illegal for adults in Canada to have sex with a partner under the age of 16, one of the new provisions of the Tories' violent crime law that came into effect on Thursday.

The Tackling Violent Crime Act raises the legal age of sexual consent in Canada to 16 from 14, the first time it has been raised since 1892.

But the law includes a "close-in-age exception," meaning 14- and 15-year-olds can have sex with someone who is less than five years older.

www.cbc.ca...



[edit on 1-8-2010 by intrepid]

reply to post by intrepid


We live in a society where it takes two people working to put a roof over their heads and food on the table.

Most people live paycheck to paycheck. Some people now have to hold two jobs here in America because salaries aren't what they use to be.

Daycare will care for your little darlings until they are around 8-9.

Then, right when they are at the age where they really need supervison, they are left to fend for themselves.

Most kids come home from school to a empty house. When I was young, I always had someone home.

I would wager that between 3:30 to 5:30 pm is when most young girls get pregnant. (After school and before mom and pop come home).

Two ladies I use to work with have daughters that got pregnant and they were both under 16.

I have three sons and have always stipulated that if you play you pay.

It's not just the girl's responsiblity.

And parents are still fighting sex education, pills and condoms in highschool.

A child not planned, is oftentimes, unwanted and children raised in a one parent household are more prone to becoming adults that have never been taught how to compromise.

When you are young and your hormones are raging, not already being on the pill or having a condom can mean all the difference. One wrong decision, or choice can literally screw over the rest of several people's lifes (mother, father, baby).

There were times in my youth, I recall, when literally I felt like a cat in heat, no logic - like T'Pol in Pon farr, except worse. I was lucky, it was the late 60's and back then someone was always home and keeping strict tabs on where I was going, who I was with and what I was doing and then checking up on me (dropping by) to make sure everything was kosher. I use to hate that, but I did the same with my three sons as well. Children need to be supervised.

Some people, and I envy them, are born cool, they never experience a boiling all consuming passion, being in a true heat.

I use to baby sit little ones and as stated before, there use to be 10-12 year olds clustered around my house, just to talk, just to be around an adult - they're parents were all working, they needed somebody older to just talk to.

It's sad and it's wrong, we've lost going on two generations now of children that when they magically turn 9-10 they are left home alone, with cable tv and internet access that would make some porno stars blush.

Most 12 year olds today know more about how adult things work than when I was 18 and ready to go to college.

My 9 year old grand daughter has seen more garbage in her life than I did at 18. I'm lucky she is level headed and sadly, just still a baby, we are having to start to instruct her about how some bad choices could ruin her life.

America's youth is being dumbed down, left all alone and having to enter an adult world before they're ready.

I shutter to think when they and their children are grown, the type of society we are going to have.

Any young adults out there reading this, Plan your life out. Don't leave the important stuff up to chance, because chance will kick you in the butt everytime.

If your hot, get condoms or make sure one of you is on the pill. Don't play the just this one time game.

Every baby deserves to come into this world with a loving mother and father, and some financial stability.

My husband's family is aristocratic English, very cold, very logical - but and here's the thing.

His neices and nephews all got to know their significant others, got college educations and are waiting, saving money for buying a house and making sure their marriages are secure before starting to bring children into the picture.

Bottom line, they are happy, have money and live in nice homes because they were able to logically plan out their lives and control their passion.

(Some of them just aren't passionate I think).

It's a shame what it takes to survive in this society now days.

I hear in other countries, like France and Sweden, they are more family oriented. Parents are allowed more leave time to be with their kids.

Where I work at, my cube partner is on the phone probably a total of three hours a day trying to get a handle on her son and daughter.

Only the elite can now afford to have children and raise them correctly.

One last word.

I am the paternal grandmother and I love my grand daughter with all my heart and soul.

Every child should know both sets of grandparents.

We come from two sets of grandparents, it's not just the mother that has the child.

I see a lot of my son and me in my grand daughter. She says things out loud that I think all the time. Her brain works more like mine than her mother's.

I notice a popular trend now for girls to have a baby, not keep in touch with the father (or his parents) and the baby/child grows up only knowing the maternal grand parents.

Many young ladies now just want to have the "mommy experience" and not commit to being a family.

This is totally selfish, sad and wrong.

I would suggest schools remain open until 6:00 pm and have study and physical sports centers, with additional teachers paid very good salaries to compensate them.

Our youth is our legacy and if we just keep turning our back on them, the majority will fester and rot.


[edit on 1-8-2010 by ofhumandescent]

I'm 17, 18 in Oct.

When I was 12, I lost it, and the girl said she was pregnant. Turns out she wasn't, but she insisted she was for 6 months. Made me a very depressed and confused 12 year old.

After that, I said "No sex for fun" and stuck to it.

Girls think not having sex within the first year is passionate. Its a relief for me. I hate the burden of wondering if the girl is pregnant.

To me, its not "It can't happen to me" its "I'll make sure it wont".

My sister had a child at 16. Shes loves him very much, and my parents were very kind about it and chipping in so she could continue her teenage years, but traveling, something she was saving her whole life for, was out of the question.

We live in a world where people are proud whores. 5 years ago, just 5 years ago, it was very different.

reply to post by gandhi


Dear Gandhi,

Have all the sex you want, go for it - do the horizontal bop until parts of your anatomy fall off

BUT take precautions.

And don't just ask, are you on the pill, be sure, make sure be very sure she is on the pill. Have proof and always use a condom.

I'm 58 and hopefully I can give you some motherly advise.

Be very careful, be afraid, be very afraid in dealing with young ladies. Legally they have the upper hand, I know I've spent $18,000 trying to see my grand daughter more than every two weeks to a month.

My son fell in love with a mean, spoiled "beauty queen". They married, she had our (notice I said OUR) grand daughter.

I believe a child belongs to the whole family.

My son worked a full time job, came home, cared for his daughter every night while mom went back to school and kareoked at a bar.

My son and his daughter formed a very strong bond, at 9 years old, she still cries when it is time to leave him and go back to mom.

You are young still, but once you have a baby of your own, you will know what love is really all about.

The first time you hold this tiny little bit of yourself in your arms you will hopelessly and madly fall in love beyond what you could ever imagine possible. Make sure you will be allowed to remain a part of this little person's life. (That's where it pays to court the young lady, to get to know her and if she is a good kind person).

Anyway, after about 18 months, the spoiled beauty queen desides to divorce my son because he gained 60 pounds. She simply picked up and just disappeared with our grand daughter for three months.

The law? What law, according to the law here in Midwest America, the child is the property of the mother, no matter how good a father you are and how lousy of a mother she is.

My son must fork over 40% of his paycheck to his ex and gets to see his daughter for 48 hours every two weeks.

Sometimes his ex wife doesn't comply and he won't see his daughter for a month, the court doesn't care.

Bottom line.

Be very careful who you give your heart and other bodily parts to.

I'm just trying to save you heartache.

Get to know the young lady first. Is she honest, kind and intellegent? You can always visit a plastic surgeon if she isn't a beauty queen, looks are so unimportant. Watch how she treats her "enemies" is she vendictive? If so move on and find someone that isn't.

Once you have a child with someone, you will legally be held accountable and plus, every child deserves a father that says "I love you, and am glad you were born". every child deserves to have both a father and mother.

I personally miss, never having had a father to hold me on his lap and call me his little princess.

Hope this long blah blah post is helpful to you.

I almost feel like signing this Love Mom

Take care, have fun, god to be 17 again and know what I know now.

Originally posted by Greensage

Does your State or Country consider sex with a 15-year-old child legal? If not then the police need to be called. Seriously I am not kidding!

If this is not your child then you are actively participating in the exploitation of a minor, even if you think you are doing the right thing. Why? Because you are not the Lawful Parent!!!!

Here is my advice to you. You need to call your local Pharmacy and find out if the 'Morning After' pill is available there. Some Pharmacies refuse to carry it. It is perfectly legal and does not need a prescription. It must be purchased through the Pharmacist though as a precaution. Likely an Adult can be present during a sale to a minor but I would highly recommend a parent, not a friend's parent.

You need to include this as an option in your lesson plan. No glove No Love is stupid as a true plan because gloves aren't going to fit everyone and some do fail if not more than not with a younger person! The Morning After is meant to eliminate a zygote within 24-48 hours of inception. The persons involved can know if they suspect a problem; rips, breaks, spills, or thrills, they know what happened. They need to know what is available to them.

I am quite shocked at all of this coming from an adult's standpoint of a child's listening skills. Sorry!

Yes, totally legal here in Canada. We aren't quite as conservative as the US. Most girls that are sexually active up here are on the pill at that age. Most doctors will even give it without parental consent, at least they used to. Just to be safe, in case the teen is afraid to talk to her parents.
That's not even that much of an age gap up here, that's why the 5 year difference rule. Quite common actually.
Sexually active girls should be on the pill, as well as using condom's, pill in case the condom breaks, and the condom to protect against std. By the time someone finds out they're pregnant, it's too late for the morning after pill.
Teens will be teens. Keeping them not pregnant and healthy is the hard part.

Intrepid, you did good.

My granddaughter has friends who all had babies at age 14!
It seems to be a sort of rite of passage with them.
She is now 20 and has gotten pregnant. When we all expressed disapproval she countered with the "My friends all had babies at 14, and I waited for 6 years!

I waited till I was 30. So to me she is totally ruining the best years of her life.

reply to post by intrepid


You have two daughters by blood Trep. They're on a good road thanks to you. It sounds to me like if the punk bails on Becky. You can't and better not even try to do anything about it. Becky has hurt her self big time.
She hasn't ruined her life. I have seen this scenario work out far more times than not.

My wifes sister. Shes a really neat lady. 12 yrs ago she was farther along in the same situation. She made the mistake of getting pregnant and this guy was total loser. Her parents were glad to let him go on his way.
Intrepid, she met a wonderful guy(Jeff) down the road who treats lil Megan like she is his own.
Jeff her husband is a hell of man, they have three daughters in all. I have to be honest. They are one of the happiest families I've ever known. Guys gotta great job as an electrician. Things could not be better for her.
She pulled it off.
I guess what I mean to say to you.
The guy isn't worth spit let him go. Don.t get yourself in a bind no matter what.
Things will work out.

[edit on 1-8-2010 by randyvs]

reply to post by gandhi


Oh god that's messed up to be 12 years old walking around and wondering what to do about a baby.

I wouldnt have thought that far at 12, its not something I'd want to deal with now at 21..

Some things you might want to consider now that the father knows about the situation. The girl is now more vulnerable than ever. I do hope for her sake that she chooses abortion. Adoption is ... not preferable for so many reasons. But then if she keeps the baby, that guy will be in her life for the rest of her life. He can make things a living hell for her. He should never have been brought into the picture when the girl was as apprehensive about him as she was.

When girls feel the need to have sex at such an early age, it is commonly the result of feeling unloved by her parents. It's the result of insecurity. She's looking for love to fill a void in her heart.

What this girl needs right now are support, love, kindness, sympathy, time, and gentleness. She needs to know that no one is going to abandon her no matter what she decides, but she also needs help exploring the consequences of whatever decision she may make. Everything has a price. Let her decide what is the most acceptable for her soul to carry.

The fetus is going to experience whatever emotions the mother feels. Go the extra distance to make this time the best it can possibly be.

reply to post by intrepid


Intrepid, I have starred and flagged you for being there for needy kids and teenagers.

First, I have to repeat what a lot of wise women in my family have said over the generations - "A baby brings its own love."

And if you think about it, who doesn't melt at that baby's first gummy grin?

If you continue to stand by her, along with a few social services, I don't see that this is so disastrous?

Though I agree statistically this girl is too young and too vulnerable, well, just remember you never know.

I was on my own at 14.
I got a job at a horse farm and sadly, was injured in a horse accident and told I would never have kids.

'Don't even bother with birth control, it will be a waste of money' is what I was told by a very superior and smug doctor. Hell what did I know I was 14, barely getting by, taking care of me when I was still a baby.

Anyway, 6 months later my riding instructor told me straight out to 'get rid of that' she said, with her hand over my still flat belly. She knew what I didn't. I was 4 months along. (At that time I still bound my breasts and stomach for ridding).

Anyway, I almost fell off the horse. I 'got' what she meant, I was pregnant.

It never, ever, even ONCE entered my mind to have an abortion or to give the child up.

At that moment when I realized I was pregnant, something happened inside. Call it Mother's instinct, call it the 'knowing of ages', call it whatever you like, but, in that second I grew up. I had something to love and something that would love me and nothing or no one would ever come between us. Period.

The best thing that ever happened to me in my life was having my daughter at an early age.

My love for her, my protective nature of her, my absolute JOY at being a parent and being a MOMMY and having someone to LOVE ME and someone to LOVE BACK that was MINE and no one could take away? I wouldn't have traded the experience for the world. Not two worlds. Not ten...

And, Love got us through. And people like Intrepid who I could turn to, adults, who understood and were there to help, not hinder.

So, though statistically her life may be 'ruined' as people tend to want to emphasize in negativity, young Becky just might surprise everyone. And with help from wonderful people like Intrepid? She might do really well.

Mother's love can change the world. Never ever forget that.

peace

Intrepid, congratulations on coping with your daughter's pregnancy. As a father, this is one of my fears for my children.

I have 2 girls both at that hormonal age of 16 (twins) and they do have boyfriends. The wife and I can't exactly tell them not to have unprotected sex until they're prepared since I know that they're smart enough to know that on their own.

We do, however talk occasionally about parenthood, marriage, relationships and all that when we have our Sundays or the dinner table discussions. The kids know of the wife and I's life. On how we were best friends ever since we were little tikes, and that we were doing the books to find out if we're prepared to raise children all the way through college. Doing accounting before the magic does sound stupid, but it doesn't hurt being prepared.

They do understand the magnitude involved in having a family but it is still one of my fears that I do not have control over. I can't exactly make them prisoners of their own home or hire bodyguards to be around them at all times since that's just plain retarded. All that I can do as a parent is to occasionally provide them with some kind of wisdom. Even though, the wife and I never personally experienced "hardships", we do know people who have went through life with a little more than a few bumps on the road that I, as a parent do not want them to experience.

reply to post by intrepid


Forgot any crack pot ideas about what the law can do even if it was on your side it can't change what has happened . If your still angry go away for a day or two until you can take a few deep breathes and calm down . Encouraging the father to hang around is the right thing to do but getting angry to quickly will not help things . Good luck and if you need someone just to bounce things off drop me a U2U or add me on Skype .

Cheers xpert11.

The problem is quite simple. Don't have sex unless you are ready to do an abortion. There is no such thing as a safe prevention method. By statistics if you have sex 100 times with a condom, you will get pregnant about two times.

Abortion is no big deal as long as it is done by suction. If you need to use scissors it clearly is a baby and you are late, in my opinion. Why society/medicine do not differentiate these is beyond me....

[edit on 8/4/2010 by above]