Broken soul ( A poem)

I am sitting here trying to think of what I should say next.

It’s just really so hard for me here.

I try to be nice.

I try to open up.

I told you things my closest friends don’t know.

And it is so hard for me to trust ANYONE.

So I guess I just don’t know...

Or rather...

I just don’t know how to believe...

Or trust...

And I truly hate it.

Because God damn it, I enjoy talking to you!

And here I am...

Wondering...

Can I really trust someone?

Or should I leave again?

Should I just get out of here?

I am sick of not knowing...

And damn it I want to trust...

And believe...

And know...

But I never knew how.

So what is an asshole like me supposed to do?

I am not pissed at you and I never have been.

I am pissed at everyone and everything...

And I am sick of it.

But I am not sure that I can stop.

Or even if I want to...

I am a broken soul; And I want to be fixed...

But I can’t find the glue.

I was rather nervous about posting this one.... Truth be told when I wrote it I had no intention of writing a poem. I had been going through a really tough time with a wonderful girl and I was struggling with things that I went through as a child, and I was writing it to her... But I never sent it.

I kept it all for myself... It just seemed too personal... almost...

So, in a way, posting this for all to see, is kind of my way of releasing a lot of anger and hurt I have about some things...That I went through as a kid...


So... I leave you with this thought... What you see in the above post... Was me... pouring my soul out.... venting anger and sadness.... and now... I am releasing my pain... slowly.... to the universe... and away from me.

[edit on 31-7-2010 by gimme_some_truth]

Ah! before you posted that extra info i had my suspicions that this was about a girl. sounds like ive been there before. in fact, i am right now. i think wayne arnold mentioned some things are too deep for words. nice post

reply to post by The Endtime Warrior


Thank you. Like I said I was nervous about posting this.... While I am being open and honest... I will just say that at the time ( And still now) I was struggling through some issues I have from my childhood and things that happened, and it interfered with our relationship and ultimately we broke up....


She wanted me to be able to trust her more... And at the time I just could not trust anyone... I still have trouble with trust... and she wanted me to be able to open up about my child hood... and I just couldn't....

But as I have grown and the healing has begun about my childhood, I find my trust for people grows slowly and my ability to talk about it does as well.... So here I am, posting this little bit of my heart, so I can release a bit more of pain and heal a bit more

These are weird times (some kind of retrograde or something?). I know several people- & I have, who have just clammed up. I am not, personally, pissed at anyone (or anything). I am just sick of most people (& I feel guilty because I don't really feel like talking to anyone, even the wonderful, loving people I know- some kind of deal about "not fit company" unless I can be "bright & shiny" or "up to it" or something) You can always go at life thinking that you know the risks & imagine that you're "safer" because you do, but sometimes that fails. Sometimes too much at once & it gets you down for a while. You can never tell what another person is going to do, so it's most important to be able to trust yourself. That, you can control.

Everything passes. It just takes patience. (damn that word!) Be extra kind to yourself, G_S_M- still honest, but understanding.
Everything is okay. You're still you.
Be Blessed because you are.

reply to post by gimme_some_truth


well it took me awhile to come to terms with my childhood, but speaking about it does help. I applaud you for your courage, good luck to you on your hero's quest.

Bah, you may have been a broken soul but your nearly there to be a whole one When I read that, it conjured up an image of a battle ravaging in your mind...should you trust or should you not, should you believe or should you not etc. Trust yourself first, then you can put that same trust into other people. Writing for me, has been great outlet when I'm emotionally in chaos. It helps... Thanks, ninja bunny, for letting us not only have a peek at some of your most inner thoughts but trusting us slightly as well.


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reply to post by DogsDogsDogs

Thank you for your words.... I am growing more and more glad that I posted this. You are right, and I am slowly learning to trust myself... It is a slow and long process but I am getting there... The healing is taking place and.... Just thanks for your words

reply to post by The Endtime Warrior

Thank you. I am not sure I would call it courage, because admittedly I am scared as I can be as far as facing my past... But I keep going and I keep fighting....

reply to post by BlackPoison94

For what it is worth you are a big part of the reason I decided to post this. The conversation we had, helped me a lot... Really got me thinking and I am going to continue pushing forward in my struggle to heal.

You are right, there is a struggle going on in my mind. Should I trust or not, believe or not... Posting this was one of many steps in learning to trust myself....



On a side note, I could not help but notice your signature.... You left some one out of your family



[edit on 31-7-2010 by gimme_some_truth]

I'm glad you posted this and I'm glad I helped. Thing is, there's always going to be a struggle in most things you do and what counts is, you trying to move forward..trying to fight back. Never stop my friend. There's also always going to be a fear of failing, falling back to the start..all you need to do is make sure you don't let it get to you Hmmm, I'm not sure who that can be You mean Mr Snuggles?


Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

Originally posted by BlackPoison94
Hmmm, I'm not sure who that can be

You mean Mr Snuggles?

Look at you making me laugh.... You and that teddy bear... You're funny...

Me silly!

You're like family to me

That said, I am glad I posted it too....

[edit on 31-7-2010 by gimme_some_truth]

reply to post by gimme_some_truth


Hey man nice poem
The way it reads, it conjures a lot of familiar feelings, and I'm sure most of us have been there before.

I believe it is important to vent these feelings as opposed to letting the hurt they possess brew, becoming worse as some inevitably will over-analyze the situation at hand and look too far into it, seeing problems that originally weren't there. Such is human nature :-/ However, i think it is important to do this in a way as to scatter your pains in the winds; a final, steadfast and certain goodbye- as opposed to a way that will merely pass it along to others that know of your plight. Rage is a good example, i don't think that will ever bring peace.

So i think you've done well with your poem my friend, i hope it has set your torment free

Originally posted by TheMoose

So i think you've done well with your poem my friend, i hope it has set your torment free

While it has not been set free, it has certainly unlocked one of the many gates which are keeping my torment confined.... So it is a step in the right direction in this long process I call life

Originally posted by gimme_some_truth

I am a broken soul; And I want to be fixed...

But I can’t find the glue.

I just wanted to say here, that I have finally found my glue and my soul is now healing...