Political funnys

I see that there has been a lot of evil, hatemongering going on on this site, reguarding politics (I am guilty as the next poster). I thought that this could be a good place to post some funny jokes, anecdotes, and photos to help lighten the mood around here. (to the moderators, if this is banned , please remove this site with my apologies)

I understand that some political jokes can get raunchy, but lets try to conduct ourselves apropreately to ATS standards. Thanks to all, God knows we could ALL use a laugh. -Ghost of Chewie.

[edit on 7/18/2010 by Ghost of Chewie]

This is from a text that I have received from my sister today:


Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses and light-up a camel, this is the Promised Land!"

Now, Obama has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels, and mortgaged the Promised Land!!

I got so depressed last night thinking about Healthcare plans, the economy, wars, lost jobs, etc.., I called a suicide hot line & got a freakin' call center in Pakistan!

I told them I was suicidal & they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Originally posted by Ghost of Chewie
I got so depressed last night thinking about Healthcare plans, the economy, wars, lost jobs, etc.., I called a suicide hot line & got a freakin' call center in Pakistan!

I told them I was suicidal & they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Dude, you are hilarious.
Great thread.
S&F.

Funny and Jokes.com

Here is one I found online.

Another gem from funnyand jokes.com

John McCain, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama all die and go to heaven. God looks down from his throne and asks McCain, "Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?"

McCain takes a breath and then replies, "Well, I think so because I was a great leader and tried to follow the words in your great book." God looks down and then says, "You can sit to my left side."

So, McCain takes his seat and then God asks the same question to Hillary, "Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?" Hillary thinks for a second and then replies, "I think so because I have been fighting for the rights of so many people for so long." God again looks down and this time says, "You can sit to my right side."

Finally God turns to Barack Obama and asks, "Do you think you deserve to be in heaven?"
Obama smiled and replied, "I think you're in my seat."

Of course we all know God sends all politicians to hell.

Zulu and ghost..I just had to say...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I like the lastone the best though. "you are sitting in my seat". Ima tell that joke to my friends if you dont mind?

I will try to find a good joke, till then, keep me laughing.

GREAT THREAD!

reply to post by Common Good


Thanks. Feel free to use it. I "borrowed" it from a website. Do a google search on Obama jokes and you will find tons you can post.

I found a hilarious one on funnyandjokes.com but I cannot post it because I will get banned for being racist. It was racist and in poor taste, but that never stopped anything from being funny.

Go there and see if you can find it. It was an Obama trap.

After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian goalkeeper personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled from Nigeria to South Africa . He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

Among those who will receive gifts from the Obamas this Christmas is Bo, the First Dog. The Obamas will give Bo a chew toy. Coincidentally, this is also the same present they will give Joe Biden.

Source- www.funnyandjokes.com...

Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny?
A. If he were any heavier he wouldn't be able to walk on water.


Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying."
The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."

(deleted joke)-

One day Dick Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France.
Then, George Bush said, " If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I'll make one person happy!"
Then Dick Cheney said, " Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I'll make ten people happy!"
Then Laura Bush said, " If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I'll make a hundred people happy."
Then the pilot said, " Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I'll make six billion people happy."


Hilary Clinton, George Bush, Sarkozy, a boy and a monk were stuck on a plane that is falling fast. They are 5 but there are only 4 parachutes. Hilary said "I'm a woman, you cant leave a woman on a plane to die" so she took one and jumped. Bush said "I'm the smartest in the world, every one needs me" he took one and jumped. Sarkozy blabbed something in french that no one understood, he took one and jumped. The monk tells the boy "You take the last parachute, let me die" the boy said "Why? We can both jump." "How is that?" said the monk. the boy replies, "Because the so called smartest man Bush took my school bag and jumped!!!"


A reporter asked Chris Rock who do you think would win the presidency?He said quickly Obama. When asked why, he replied, has anyone ran a race with a Kenyan and won?


Other Source- www.jokes-best.com...



[edit on 18-7-2010 by Common Good]

This is good stuff ya'll! Keep 'em comming!

punditkitchen.com...

Washington DC Newsflash: A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both of his books have been lost.

Presidential spokesman Ari Fleischer said the president was devastated, as he had not finished colouring the second one.

[edit on 2010-7-18 by cannabuddha]

I love this!!

Any more?

Ok, let's poke a little fun at the other side for a second.

HaHa!

And Another One

politicaljokes.us...

[edit on 1-8-2010 by Common Good]

From a TV comedian, I know longer remember who : DO you know what you Canadians ought to do? Just as a big practical joke? Give the States Saskatchewan, no charge, just as a goodwill gift ... keep that until the next time you look at a NA map!

Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the
classes. They were in the middle of a discussion
...related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the "president"
if he would like to lead the discussion on the word
'tragedy.' So our illustrious president asked the class for an example
of a tragedy.'

One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a
farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.'

'No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident.'

A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children
drove over a cliff, killing everyone
inside, that would be a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call great
loss.'

The room went silent. No other children volunteered.
Obama searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an
example of a tragedy?'

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a
quiet voice he said: 'If the plane carrying you
and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to
smithereens that would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. That's right. And can you tell me why that
would be tragedy?'

'Well,' says Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell
wouldn't be a great loss...... and you can bet your black ass it's probably not an accident either!!!

Old Sea Story

There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected his
sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad.

The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change
underwear occasionally.

The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"

The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear."

He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change
with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz."


THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

Someone may come along and promise "Change", but don't count on
things smelling any better.

This one's destined to become a cinematic classic...

Two Democrats on an Escalator
Waiting for a bailout..........
www.youtube.com...

Southerners can be so polite!

Atlanta Tower: "Saudi Air 511 -- You are cleared to land on runway 9R."

Saudi Air: "Thank you Atlanta . Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R - Allah be Praised."

Atlanta Tower: " Iran Air 711 - You are cleared to land on runway 27L."

Iran Air: "Thank you Atlanta . We are cleared to land on infidel's
runway 27L. - Allah is Great."

Pause....

Saudi Air: ATLANTA TOWER- ATLANTA TOWER !"

Atlanta Tower: "Go ahead Saudi Air 511.."

Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFTS FOR
THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS.
WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE . . .. . INSTRUCTIONS, PLEASE!"

Atlanta Tower: "Well bless your hearts. And praise Jesus.

Y'all go on ahead now and tell Allah "Hey" for us."