[BBOT] Oil-let-Jazz (And You Think You Had a Handle on It)

Once upon a time, a toilet there was. This toilet had a tank and special it was.

A fancy toilet, with a flush sytem pressurized. It served its family well for years, until one day, a surprise.

Due a defect, it sprang a leak in its tank. Were not fixed quite soon, the worlds would be dank.

"Oh, how shall I be fixed?", the Toilet did mum. I can't do it myself, for I am helpless and dumb.

"I can't sit on a wall, I can't have a great fall. My spare parts are no more, those people are thrall."

"There is no king and his men, and the horses are gone, all given way to military-industrial dren."

Well, Mr. Toilet, the fighter jock blabbed, "We shall give you four staves and two rings for a cap."

"Put you together again, with our mightiest might, rest in the knowledge you'll be sealed up tight."

"I don't know about this", said crazy son with a smirk, "You're an educated man, an engineer and an HBS jerk."

"I truely have doubt, I don't think it will work. It looks quite suspicious and more apt to divert."

Fighter jock heard, and then he replied, "Oh yes it will. I'll just order those rings from the internet side."

"Both with them the rods, and voila, hoo-roff! The nasty flush, flushy heremetically sh'off'ed."

"Whatever you say," said the nut to his dad. But know, he knew better, that this was no plan.

After they had arrived, the parts in his hands, the son put it to stand, saw design problems and knew it a sham.

Literally so, since the plan was so flawed. The rig wouldn't quite fit, interference, oh God.

All was snugged up, and forced into place, the flow turned back on, and in the balance, T's fate.

And so the day went by, and leaks it did spring, just a drops here and there, despite the two rings.

It was taken apart, caulked and rehashed. But in the still of the night, the plans would be dashed.

Integrity checks, and all of that jazz, seem to be passed, without even a hint of the mat of the haz.

But when the night did fall, whilst all were asleep, trouble was roiling way down in the deep.

A dark fairy appeared, unbenknowst to the crew, a gremlin of sorts, with the power of spew.

And so high as high goes, it did verily blow. It woke the son from his slumber, right onto his toes.

And back to the deep he did dash, to see what begun. He heard the gush, gushing, the mush, mushing, second to none.

Just for a moment, to him a shadowy figure appeared, in the form of his mother not appearing too dear.

Only thing was, was it was, for trust, a delusion. This shadowy entity had found a solution.

Wake them all up, then blow it apart. Just get a new toilet and a proper new start.

DISCLAIMER: Just to let y'all know, ladyinwaiting made me do it!

(Yes, blame her)

LOL!

The title alone deserves a flag.

The toilet himself or (herself) is rather poetic, moving from humpty dumpty to an almost "Twas the Night Before Christmas", quality.

But he/she was, after all special. Pressurized, and almost snobby in his/her superiority. (I've never been sure about the gender of toilets)

I enjoyed your story very much!
(Something about the crazy son seems so.... familiar, though.)

ETA: When did yanks start saying "y'all"? That's not right.

[edit on 7/16/2010 by ladyinwaiting]

reply to post by ladyinwaiting


Well, ma'am, thank you kindly and bless your heart! (just a cotton-pickin' minute, heart blessin' is bad, ain't it?)

Then thank you kindly.

T'was a nightmare around easter, afterall.

reply to post by EnlightenUp


Well your uncanny use of iambic pentameter is second to none. Very witty here my friend. I believe that Tony Hayward should have to wear a ballerina outfit and recite this at the next Hells Angels gathering while being pelted with beer cans and what not. Thanks for sharing and I'm glad that ladyinwaiting made you do it!

reply to post by jackflap


Thank you.

Sounds like a plan there! And make him eat the "mint".

I'm a fan. Love reading your story.
Well done.

Originally posted by LadySkadi
I'm a fan. Love reading your story.
Well done.

Thank you very much!

The story is based on actual events. The entirety of it has been contorted into other actual events that are not the actual events.

The use of your idea is very well done!

Great work

I also do love the sense of rhythmn and well, your title also did it for me

Originally posted by BlackPoison94
The use of your idea is very well done!

Great work

I also do love the sense of rhythmn and well, your title also did it for me

Thank you! Glad you love the "rhythm" ("jazz" is a way to not be held accountable for "errors").