posted on Jun, 8 2010 @ 10:26 AM
This was a night like any other for Vincent Rellington. He liked to take a walk with his Beagle Pringles after dinner. Tonight he had pork chops and
apple sauce, his favorite. So he was awfully put off when he realized there was a giant insect like creature following him. "What the f-" Whoa, whoa
buddy you can't say that here! "Huh? Who said that?!" Huh? This can't be happening... Hello? "Yeah, I can hear you... Who exactly are you? God?"
He swallowed. "The Devil? And why do you narrate everything I do?" Um, well you see here's the thing. I'm a writer and you are a fictional
character I'm writing a short story about. "Oh... Well I don't think I like that idea. Tell me, what was this story going to be about?" Well I
figured alien insects would inva- "Stop!" Huh? What's wrong? "So you were just going to make an alien invasion happen on our world just for your
sick amusement?" Well I never thought of it like that. It's just a story. "Just a story? Just a story? Well for all you know I could have kids and
what not!" Well I wasn't going to go that far back into your past. "Oh? And why not?" Well, you see, Vincent, Vince? "That's fine." I was going
to um... "Kill me off weren't you?" Uh, yeah. "Great, just great."
"Um, guys?" The seven foot tall insectiod chimed in. "Yeah, that's getting annoying. Look, are we going to do this whole invasion thing
or... Cause I'd like to hit up a pizza place on my way home if not, we kinda eat all the lifeforms on a planet when we invade."
"What? Is he serious?" Yeah, I was going to make them eat everyone. Like locusts? "You are a very sick man." Look I have no idea how you can
even hear me. "Oh? So that would make it all right for me to be some cockroaches supper?"
"Hey! I'm standing right here dude." Look, Rodney."Rodney? You were gonna name me Rodney?" Look, that's neither here nor there I'll get to
you in a minute. "Whatever, I'm eating his dog then." He reached down Grabbed poor Pringles and ripped it to shreds, eating it.
"Pringles! You sir are twisted" Hey I didn't eat your dog man. "Yes but you could have stopped it. You could put me on a tropical beach
somewhere sipping a Mai-Tai but instead you have Jimminy Cricket's mutated cousin eat my beloved Beagle!"
"Again, bro, I'm standing right here, no more bug jokes please." The bug-dude was getting Antsy "Oh, not you too."
Fine, you only had him for three days. "Hey! You can't do that to me... Oh, well that's actually better." Your welcome. "That still does
not excuse the fact you are willing to kill off an entire world for some short story no one will ever read." You don't know that. Suddenly a rock
hit Vince in the eye. "Ouch! You evil evil man!" Who says ouch after getting hurt? "You made me!"
"Um, hi, guys?" Rodney raised his hand, or rather, claw. "Space alien? I think I know what happened." Oh do you now? "We can travel
interstellar distances and we are just bugs." Good point, please continue. "Now, I think somehow there is a breach in the fourth wall." The Fourth
wall in fiction? "Yeah, like how Ferris Bueller talks to the audience?" How do you know who that is? "Never mind that now."
"What are you people talking about!" Vince was on the verge of a nervous break down. I was surprised he was handling this so well thus far.
"Why can't you just write Vince walked home and Rodney left. The end?"
"He can't do that Vince. It would create a larger rip in the fourth wall. Soon, all fictional characters would be aware of the fact that they
are essentially slaves to some crazy guy at a desk." I'm sitting right here... "Sorry. The only way to close this breach is to destroy the universe
of it's origin. Ours." Vince fell to his knees, sobbing. "I could eat you first?" He weakly shook his head no. "Oh, very well." So... how should
I do this? How does one destroy a universe? "Have George Lucas make prequels?" Zing! Oh, I got it. The whole universe buckled, shook and crunched.