My child may have A.D.D

This is a really personal, hard and sensitive topic for me but I thought this would be a good place to get some info and some support.

Right now my 10 year old daughter is having a lot of trouble in school. She isn't hyperactive or "naughty", she just values her friendships more than her school work. She sometimes attempts to hide her homework from me, when we try to work with her on her academics she cries, screams, argues and whines and says "I don't know" before even attempting to answer or work out the question.

Her father wants me to get her tested for a.d.d but I am very apprehensive because of some personal experiences. My mom and brother were diagnosed with it and my mom uses it as an excuse for both her and my brother. She refuses to work using it as an excuse and every time my brother gets in big trouble at school she is willing to take the school to court so that he doesn't get suspended or what not, using the add diagnoses as an excuse.

now I am thinking that maybe my mom has something more serious and has simply been misdiagnosed as add (and bipolar disorder). I was reading about borderline personality disorder that is often misdiagnosed as add and bi-polar and is harder to fully diagnose. That seems to fit my mom more so maybe I shouldn't be so afraid of my daughter having a.d.d.

However I am doing online research and am still not fully convinced of a.d.d. Part of me wants to believe but part of me just sees kids being labeled a problem and needing medication because they are simply different.

Can anyone give me more information or thoughts? I would greatly appreciate it.

ADD is a crock!
Usually it's parents wanting their boys to be girls.

Sounds like she just needs to learn how to study. Or you should look at how you're trying to help. Too strict, too easy, not often enough?


I hated homework as well, never did it, settled on c's & d's. I always thought that if they couldn't teach me in school, I sure a hell wasn't going to waste my time at home.

Same reason I won't take a salaried job. I won't do home work!

Well I know one thing is for certain.

ADD is a fake condition made up by people who are to lazy or uneducated to know how to discipline their children when they are young.

Liberals came up with the term because they did not want to spank their children and then when they went to school and were unruly in school and at home they came up with some B.S. term to explain it away and make them feel okay.

It does not exist in the rest of the world where parents and educators are not afraid to discipline young people.

You are the adult be one.:bnghd:

reply to post by snowflake_obsidian


Well if you get her tested they are probably going to tell you, "yes she has ADD." When in reality the child may not, the hard fact is that close to the majority, if not everyone, has some sort of ADD or ADHD it is a common fact that sometimes a person feels more hyperactive at times than others its just sometimes people lose the control to turn that hyperactivity off. This is usually found in children that are young, because they are KIDS. That is what kids do. Especially around the age of 8-12 when the rebellion phase begins. In order to deal with this without meds (Which is the easy way out and may not even work/have more harmful side effects than good like being withdrawn or having a hard time being social), simply start with being the parent. This is honestly the true root of most ADD/ADHD problems/issues. It is important to teach the child self control and self restraint, but it is also important to teach a child priorities and responsibilities.

For instance, put her in a dance class, a softball class, buy her a camera and teach her how to take pictures and try to sell them or have her help you around the house for a few bucks. Teach her how to manage money, if you go the house route. Sit her down and show her. While you as the parent maybe saying, "TheMythLives, your only an 18 year old who clearly knows nothing. My daughter will not want to learn that." While that maybe your train of thought, that may not be your daughters. Have her understand the priorities of family over the TV or in this case school before fun. Talk to her about what she wants to be when she gets older. Treat her as a person. Talk to her rather than yelling. As with most behavior it is learned and in most cases transformed to form around that persons young personality. In order to reverse the way your daughter is going with the arguing and "I dont know" comments. Use the method of cause and effect or action and consequence. For everything she does wrong, remove one thing from her room or one thing that she likes to do. She will have a fit! And may even break you, but at the same time teach her and just talk to her about cause and effect and actions. Make her learn something even in punishment, but DO NOT YELL.

Yelling is a common mistake, used for intimidation. Which will most likely backfire in most cases. Instead just talk to her calmly if she yells at you let her, but tell her your removing her phone or TV from her room for her disrespect and in order to get it back she has to do something around the house like clean the bathroom. Apply this method toward homework. Call the school and talk to the principal, get the homework assignments written by by each teacher with their signature along with there phone numbers that way you can make sure you have the complete list of homework and the teachers phone number. If she refuses to do her homework walk into her room and take out her TV. Tell her she has to do her homework and clean the windows in the house and she can have her TV back.

Now you also mentioned a borderline parent which is your mother and your brother who may have ADD also. Borderline parents are usually people who believe they have the right in every situation. For more info visit here:

Psychology Today

Some excellent book sources

What else are you having concerns with? Is there some experience that you may feel she is lashing out with? Remember that girls mature faster than boys, hence puberty and hormonal changes may also be at fault here. Let me know what other concerns you have. And remember these are just my thoughts, I am not doctor..lol.. Had to throw it out there! And you know it was funny! SO laugh and smile But seriously, if you have anything else you want to add or talk about let me know, I am here.

reply to post by TheMythLives


The link you posted about borderline is pretty much exactly like my mom. i have also skimmed the book "Walking On Eggshells" book and that seems to fit my mom greatly.

I don't normally yell at my daughter but she does get some pretty tough discipline. I have set up reward/consequence programs and programs where she earned money for her work and housework. That helped a little. I actually work with developmentally disabled adults with a lot of behavioral problems that are on a lot of similar programs so I have quite a bit of knowledge in that field.

I think my daughters priorities are screwed up. She obviously values her friends more than school or home. The best thing that has worked for her was when she was in an after school homework program. I think it was because she felt as if there was no way she would've been able to weasel out to play with her friends. I never let her play with her friends until her homework is done either, but I think just being at home and not at school makes her feel that she has a chance of getting out of the work.

I already told her father that she would not be put on medication. I don't believe in medication for most non-psychotic mental disorders, let alone add and adhd. Nut I am starting to feel that an outside tutor would help her out a lot.